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Death in my family + a vent
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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 458611" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>Nomad, I'm very sorry you lost your dad. And I think I know a lot about how you are feeling right now, because he sounds a LOT like my father, whom I lost a year ago on 8/1. Lots of mixed emotions, including mourning the loss of the chance to have a healthy relationship with that parent on top of the actual loss. Anger over things that did happen, and things that didn't happen. My dad was abusive to everyone close to him. The only positive I could find in his death was that my mother (God bless her) at the age of 68 and after 47 years with that man was finally facing the prospect of having a HAPPY life. I was happy for her and ANGRY that so much of her life was spent taking care of this person who took her for granted and treated her like hired help. The fact that he finally expressed some degree of trust and gratitude towards her in his final weeks of life was small consolation after years of verbal and emotional abuse.</p><p></p><p>I learned a lot during those days, too. I remembered all the things he screwed up (like not having a relationship with me or my kids, or letting his fear prevent him from doing things he always said he wanted to do and basically wasting so. much. time. TALKING instead of DOING).</p><p></p><p>Eventually I've been able to work through the pain and the anger and though it's still there, I'm trying to also remember the good things, because there were a few. And trying to recognize his influence on me -- good and bad.</p><p></p><p>I still get emotional every now and then if I stop to dwell on some of the stuff, and maybe I should go back to see a therapist about it. </p><p></p><p>For now, be good to yourself and take whatever time you need to get through this.</p><p></p><p>(((((Hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 458611, member: 3444"] Nomad, I'm very sorry you lost your dad. And I think I know a lot about how you are feeling right now, because he sounds a LOT like my father, whom I lost a year ago on 8/1. Lots of mixed emotions, including mourning the loss of the chance to have a healthy relationship with that parent on top of the actual loss. Anger over things that did happen, and things that didn't happen. My dad was abusive to everyone close to him. The only positive I could find in his death was that my mother (God bless her) at the age of 68 and after 47 years with that man was finally facing the prospect of having a HAPPY life. I was happy for her and ANGRY that so much of her life was spent taking care of this person who took her for granted and treated her like hired help. The fact that he finally expressed some degree of trust and gratitude towards her in his final weeks of life was small consolation after years of verbal and emotional abuse. I learned a lot during those days, too. I remembered all the things he screwed up (like not having a relationship with me or my kids, or letting his fear prevent him from doing things he always said he wanted to do and basically wasting so. much. time. TALKING instead of DOING). Eventually I've been able to work through the pain and the anger and though it's still there, I'm trying to also remember the good things, because there were a few. And trying to recognize his influence on me -- good and bad. I still get emotional every now and then if I stop to dwell on some of the stuff, and maybe I should go back to see a therapist about it. For now, be good to yourself and take whatever time you need to get through this. (((((Hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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