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Decision made about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 540334" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is exactly how my ex-son behaves toward us. We can not force him to be a part of our family, but since he clearly doesn't want to be, then he isn't going to benefit when we are gone, not that he needs to (he is wealthy). In our case, a small disagreement, with a new wife who is emotional, turned into a blizzard and will never change. I did get to talk to them once in the last six years and that convinced me that they are both not interested in ever seeing us again. In fact wife angrily accused me of going through her church's mediation program to "stalk" them and force them to see me and son said that if we saw each other again at all, it had to be only twice a year at the most and either take place at the church or at a restaurant full of people in which we all payed our own tab. He had a host of other rules too, such as if I called him, I had to leave a message with EXACT details of why he should call back or he won't. It got insulting! It was obviously meant to discourage me and it did. Oh, yes. Wife said she was "afraid" of me. I mean, I did send letters and some were a little harsh due to my frustration that my loving cards and letters went unanswered, but I never threatened anyone nor had I ever yelled at her and Scott had never so much as experienced a slap on the hand while growing up. Man, I'm so scary. She never did explain why she was afraid and I don't really care at this point. It's just insane...I want out now as much as he does.</p><p></p><p> I have a should-be grandson they never even told us they'd had. This is a TOTAL cut off and the feelings aren't there for him either anymore. I guess you can actually get THAT detached because we are. He sees nobody in the family except ex and that is because ex is divorced from me, but he doesn't see him much, doesn't treat him well, and still doesn't see ex's (and my) two other children. No cards. No phone calls. Nothing.</p><p></p><p>When it's done, it's done. If he shocks us and comes back one day, I am not sure he will be welcomed by anybody. That includes his father and me. H e has been unbelievably cruel...it is nicer when a child is in contact with you and MEAN than to totally act like you are nothing. </p><p></p><p>We raised him from ages six to when he moved out at nineteen and we consider him an exfoster child. It took a long time to get here, but the feelings have disappeared. You must assess your own feelings and what you want him to think (if he thinks) about you in the long term. I know that if we give Scott any money he will just feel we are fools and maybe give it to his very strange church that, although we never said a word to him about, we don't approve of. I would rather donate his share to help needy animals. I am also a huge animal lover.</p><p></p><p>Understanding, gentle hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 540334, member: 1550"] This is exactly how my ex-son behaves toward us. We can not force him to be a part of our family, but since he clearly doesn't want to be, then he isn't going to benefit when we are gone, not that he needs to (he is wealthy). In our case, a small disagreement, with a new wife who is emotional, turned into a blizzard and will never change. I did get to talk to them once in the last six years and that convinced me that they are both not interested in ever seeing us again. In fact wife angrily accused me of going through her church's mediation program to "stalk" them and force them to see me and son said that if we saw each other again at all, it had to be only twice a year at the most and either take place at the church or at a restaurant full of people in which we all payed our own tab. He had a host of other rules too, such as if I called him, I had to leave a message with EXACT details of why he should call back or he won't. It got insulting! It was obviously meant to discourage me and it did. Oh, yes. Wife said she was "afraid" of me. I mean, I did send letters and some were a little harsh due to my frustration that my loving cards and letters went unanswered, but I never threatened anyone nor had I ever yelled at her and Scott had never so much as experienced a slap on the hand while growing up. Man, I'm so scary. She never did explain why she was afraid and I don't really care at this point. It's just insane...I want out now as much as he does. I have a should-be grandson they never even told us they'd had. This is a TOTAL cut off and the feelings aren't there for him either anymore. I guess you can actually get THAT detached because we are. He sees nobody in the family except ex and that is because ex is divorced from me, but he doesn't see him much, doesn't treat him well, and still doesn't see ex's (and my) two other children. No cards. No phone calls. Nothing. When it's done, it's done. If he shocks us and comes back one day, I am not sure he will be welcomed by anybody. That includes his father and me. H e has been unbelievably cruel...it is nicer when a child is in contact with you and MEAN than to totally act like you are nothing. We raised him from ages six to when he moved out at nineteen and we consider him an exfoster child. It took a long time to get here, but the feelings have disappeared. You must assess your own feelings and what you want him to think (if he thinks) about you in the long term. I know that if we give Scott any money he will just feel we are fools and maybe give it to his very strange church that, although we never said a word to him about, we don't approve of. I would rather donate his share to help needy animals. I am also a huge animal lover. Understanding, gentle hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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