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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 562915"><p>Hi AG....I am a little confused about him taking the car without permission. I understand the car is in your name but did he come to the car and take it without permission... or was he using the car with the understanding he would pay to get his liscense reinstated or something like that? I think if he came to the house and essentially stole the car then charging him makes sense... if it is purely to make him stay in jail longer then I think it is a mistake.</p><p></p><p>My feeling is as awful as he is being and as much as he is messing up you want to walk the balance of not enabling him, not protecting him from consequences of his bad behavior but still letting him know you love him. He has gotten himself in trouble without you being involved... chances are that will happen again if he is released. In some ways it is easier when you let the legal system/authorites give him consequences and you just get to be the loving mother who loves him enough not to bail him out but to face the consequences of his own actions.</p><p></p><p>I think things can get a bit murkier when they see you as the ones bringing charges against him.... if he took the car without permission then it seems like a natural conseunce that you would report that to the police. If instead however it is less clear and at least at the time he had some form of permission then I think he will see that as you trying to get him and I dont think that will help your long term relationship.</p><p></p><p>Does that make sense?</p><p></p><p>Your sponser is right... think about what feels good to you. Driving 90 miles seems like a PITA. I think at this point part of letting go is letting the system deal with him however they will. He keeps this up and they will be dealing with him again and again... and eventually they will hold him longer than a few days.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p> Or did he come to the house and take it completely without permission. Somehow I am missing that detail.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 562915"] Hi AG....I am a little confused about him taking the car without permission. I understand the car is in your name but did he come to the car and take it without permission... or was he using the car with the understanding he would pay to get his liscense reinstated or something like that? I think if he came to the house and essentially stole the car then charging him makes sense... if it is purely to make him stay in jail longer then I think it is a mistake. My feeling is as awful as he is being and as much as he is messing up you want to walk the balance of not enabling him, not protecting him from consequences of his bad behavior but still letting him know you love him. He has gotten himself in trouble without you being involved... chances are that will happen again if he is released. In some ways it is easier when you let the legal system/authorites give him consequences and you just get to be the loving mother who loves him enough not to bail him out but to face the consequences of his own actions. I think things can get a bit murkier when they see you as the ones bringing charges against him.... if he took the car without permission then it seems like a natural conseunce that you would report that to the police. If instead however it is less clear and at least at the time he had some form of permission then I think he will see that as you trying to get him and I dont think that will help your long term relationship. Does that make sense? Your sponser is right... think about what feels good to you. Driving 90 miles seems like a PITA. I think at this point part of letting go is letting the system deal with him however they will. He keeps this up and they will be dealing with him again and again... and eventually they will hold him longer than a few days. TL Or did he come to the house and take it completely without permission. Somehow I am missing that detail. [/QUOTE]
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