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Parent Emeritus
Deep Breaths...trying to stay at least semi-detached
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 704011" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with this. I keep imposing my values on my son...and even more, I want them measurable and objective...like he is some lab rat.</p><p></p><p>I knew a man who was married to a famous movie star. He was 37 years her junior which made a lot of news in his country. His response: <em>I am a man not a molecule. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>I think what you say, Albatross, makes a lot of sense. These are men, first. While they are still our sons, they are men, <em>not molecules</em>. Every single thing I request of my son reduces him in some way: to a child, to somebody who must comply, losing his authority over himself and his own life.</p><p></p><p>Of course, he sets it up. He comes to me, wanting what I have to offer. Describing himself and his situation as dire--that he absolutely requires my assistance--in order to survive.</p><p></p><p>That is always the trade-off every single time. To offer help is to collude with my son to take away his manhood. To dance that dance.</p><p></p><p>My son will have to make his own way now. I do not see another way. </p><p></p><p>Lil. From where I sit, your son is doing well, and you are too. Very well indeed.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 704011, member: 18958"] I agree with this. I keep imposing my values on my son...and even more, I want them measurable and objective...like he is some lab rat. I knew a man who was married to a famous movie star. He was 37 years her junior which made a lot of news in his country. His response: [I]I am a man not a molecule. [/I] I think what you say, Albatross, makes a lot of sense. These are men, first. While they are still our sons, they are men, [I]not molecules[/I]. Every single thing I request of my son reduces him in some way: to a child, to somebody who must comply, losing his authority over himself and his own life. Of course, he sets it up. He comes to me, wanting what I have to offer. Describing himself and his situation as dire--that he absolutely requires my assistance--in order to survive. That is always the trade-off every single time. To offer help is to collude with my son to take away his manhood. To dance that dance. My son will have to make his own way now. I do not see another way. Lil. From where I sit, your son is doing well, and you are too. Very well indeed. [/QUOTE]
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Deep Breaths...trying to stay at least semi-detached
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