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Parent Emeritus
Deep Breaths...trying to stay at least semi-detached
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 704149" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Sorry, a dad.</p><p></p><p>Did you mean you want to know the context of the quote, or that I go on and on in circles and confuse you? Or both?</p><p></p><p>Here is the context of the quote: Lil and I and others (Albatross and possibly MOF come to mind) are in situations where our sons are "out there." </p><p></p><p>Our own choices, and viewpoints, our thinking about them and their lives, has contributed to their leaving.</p><p></p><p>Ours are intolerable situations for mothers. Because by nature we want to feel them to be safe and protected. They are our children. But they are men, who must be bound to take responsibility for their lives.</p><p></p><p>This is the vortex in which we find ourselves. Flying around within a cyclone like <u>The Wizard of OZ. </u>On the one hand we cannot bear how they are when they are dependent upon us. On the other, we cannot bear our fear for them, and for ourselves--when they are out there.</p><p></p><p>It is from the latter, that I spoke in the quote. When my son is gone and I do not know where he is, how he is, I find it unbearable. I want connection between us. For my whole life, I will want it. </p><p></p><p>That I acted to get him to leave even though I thought it was right, causes me anguish and self-doubt.</p><p></p><p>I want more than anything that he call or that I find him out there. When I feel like this, I am motivated to do almost anything, to remove this feeling. Call it what you want: enabling, etc. This is what I feel. Will I act from this, and override what I said and did before, I do not know? Should I? i do not know.</p><p></p><p>This is what I meant.</p><p></p><p>We are dealing with this theme on my thread, My son is out. Again. Honestly, I am considering possibly even relenting on the marijuana, as I recognize the wisdom of what TL has posted: to not try to control that which she cannot control.</p><p></p><p>Color me: lost.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 704149, member: 18958"] Sorry, a dad. Did you mean you want to know the context of the quote, or that I go on and on in circles and confuse you? Or both? Here is the context of the quote: Lil and I and others (Albatross and possibly MOF come to mind) are in situations where our sons are "out there." Our own choices, and viewpoints, our thinking about them and their lives, has contributed to their leaving. Ours are intolerable situations for mothers. Because by nature we want to feel them to be safe and protected. They are our children. But they are men, who must be bound to take responsibility for their lives. This is the vortex in which we find ourselves. Flying around within a cyclone like [U]The Wizard of OZ. [/U]On the one hand we cannot bear how they are when they are dependent upon us. On the other, we cannot bear our fear for them, and for ourselves--when they are out there. It is from the latter, that I spoke in the quote. When my son is gone and I do not know where he is, how he is, I find it unbearable. I want connection between us. For my whole life, I will want it. That I acted to get him to leave even though I thought it was right, causes me anguish and self-doubt. I want more than anything that he call or that I find him out there. When I feel like this, I am motivated to do almost anything, to remove this feeling. Call it what you want: enabling, etc. This is what I feel. Will I act from this, and override what I said and did before, I do not know? Should I? i do not know. This is what I meant. We are dealing with this theme on my thread, My son is out. Again. Honestly, I am considering possibly even relenting on the marijuana, as I recognize the wisdom of what TL has posted: to not try to control that which she cannot control. Color me: lost. [/QUOTE]
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Deep Breaths...trying to stay at least semi-detached
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