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General Parenting
Defiant and out-of-control 7-yo: Gifted child??
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 535846" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>This forum has many wonderful qualities and provides an invaluable support to people. One of its drawbacks is that people get tempted to give "instant diagnoses" and this is rather a dangerous occupation, I feel. None of us can know from afar what is truly going on, though of course we can have ideas and pointers. With that proviso, what clearly stands out for me in your post is the fact that your son was adopted at age four and a half having spent his life until then in an orphanage.... anger would be a MAJOR issue with him, one would have thought. How much reading have you done about adoption and how much do you know about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)? There is a lady who posts here, Buddy, who is very knowledgeable about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and who often quotes a website for people adopting from China (but of general interest) which has a lot of info about this. Perhaps she will give details. The charm/manipulation thing is something you read about and see a lot of in adopted kids, particularly older adopted kids. A survival mechanism on their part? Also to do with depending on themselves, feeling that they are responsible for getting the world to give them what they need. The behaviour on the bus and at school... is rather intriguing. I wonder what he is really "saying" by this? School is clearly stressful and unwelcome to him. Have you considered, are you able to think about alternative schooling, eg Montessori, or even home schooling for the moment?</p><p>Can I ask what country he was adopted from? There could be cultural factors at play also.</p><p>Lastly, have you read "The Primal Wound"? Pretty fundamental reading for those adopting, partlcularly older kids. Your son CANNOT be treated as though he did not have the history he has, in my opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 535846, member: 11227"] This forum has many wonderful qualities and provides an invaluable support to people. One of its drawbacks is that people get tempted to give "instant diagnoses" and this is rather a dangerous occupation, I feel. None of us can know from afar what is truly going on, though of course we can have ideas and pointers. With that proviso, what clearly stands out for me in your post is the fact that your son was adopted at age four and a half having spent his life until then in an orphanage.... anger would be a MAJOR issue with him, one would have thought. How much reading have you done about adoption and how much do you know about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)? There is a lady who posts here, Buddy, who is very knowledgeable about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and who often quotes a website for people adopting from China (but of general interest) which has a lot of info about this. Perhaps she will give details. The charm/manipulation thing is something you read about and see a lot of in adopted kids, particularly older adopted kids. A survival mechanism on their part? Also to do with depending on themselves, feeling that they are responsible for getting the world to give them what they need. The behaviour on the bus and at school... is rather intriguing. I wonder what he is really "saying" by this? School is clearly stressful and unwelcome to him. Have you considered, are you able to think about alternative schooling, eg Montessori, or even home schooling for the moment? Can I ask what country he was adopted from? There could be cultural factors at play also. Lastly, have you read "The Primal Wound"? Pretty fundamental reading for those adopting, partlcularly older kids. Your son CANNOT be treated as though he did not have the history he has, in my opinion. [/QUOTE]
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Defiant and out-of-control 7-yo: Gifted child??
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