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Denial.......? Fear?
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<blockquote data-quote="nvts" data-source="post: 125544" data-attributes="member: 3814"><p>Hi! <strong><em> I</em></strong> believe you, but I can also see it from husband's perspective so maybe I can shed a little light.</p><p> </p><p>In the 2005/6 year, my youngest sister (33), with her 2 boys moved out to New Mexico to make a go of it on her own. She wanted to buy her own house (without any $'s) and listened to her friends rather than me (doesn't she KNOW I'm always right? lol). </p><p> </p><p>She got sick. I mean REALLY sick. Her speech would get "slurry", had to walk with a cane, exhausted all the time, "tingly" sensation on and off all over, and aches and pains throughout her body. Her then 7 and 9 year olds were practically on their own as far as homework, cleaning, etc. She lost her job and had no real support system. All of us (including me) were convinced it was "psychosomatic" or attention seeking OR she wanted to come home and wanted to save face.</p><p> </p><p>My Dad went out and moved her back (after totaling her new truck - long story) and when she got here we were going to tell her how we felt. But this kid was my "baby" (another long story - not physically mine, but mine all the same). She came walking into my house (I live across the street from my Dad) and we talked. And talked and talked. All was right with the 2 of us (as well as my husband). The rest of the sibs are still BARELY speaking to both of us. She for being a manipulative user and me for supporting her.</p><p> </p><p>Thus far, it turns out she has fibromyalgia. She's still a mess physically, but now the kids have a life, so does she and we're still investigating treatments and things that are impacting her. She comes over for coffee and we laugh CONSTANTLY.</p><p> </p><p>Knowing that improvement will be occasional, knowing that this won't just magically disappear, knowing that this is debilitating on a constant, chronic basis, knowing that there are SERIOUS ups and downs, knowing that she needs a lot of support (both emotionally and physically); one LOGICALLY knows that she's going to feel lousy most of the times.</p><p> </p><p>Those of us that interact on a regular basis grasp at any and every straw that's out there. You and she are both lively, intelligent, beautiful people that we sit and watch on your good days and latch on to that hope that "things may be coming along". We don't mean to seem impatient, intolerant, mean or aggitated. We so desperately cling to the hope that you'll feel better, that we get frustrated with life (not you!!) that you seem better, but it's fleeting.</p><p> </p><p>We read everything we can, we listen to about 1/2 and we HEAR about 1/8th of that. We tend to latch on to any information that says that you'll feel better eventually. We are impatient because we miss our friend, but are wracked with guilt that we can't take some of your burden on ourselves to lighten your load. We're overwhelmed by the impotence of being unable to change things for you guys.</p><p> </p><p>So: we get witchy. We assume that with a little exercise or momentum that you'll be better than the day, morning, minute before. We grab on to the idea that we can help you feel better by projecting a positive attitude, but you guys don't feel well so maintaining that seems fake.</p><p> </p><p>Be thankful that he's being a little bit of a toad right now. It shows you that no matter what, he cares, he loves you, he wants to make you feel better, but is afraid that he's babying you. </p><p> </p><p>I know it's unfair for us to "cop an attitude" on the occasion. But trust me: I believe it's really frustration. </p><p> </p><p>"This too shall pass". It's just a mood. It's just frustration. He's PMS'ing and doesn't know how to handle it!</p><p> </p><p>I believe how you feel. Oh yes, I believe!</p><p> </p><p>Remember to smile. Remember to cry. Remember to rest. But most of all: remember to love: you, your husband and embrace life. </p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/flower.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":flower:" title="flower :flower:" data-shortname=":flower:" /></p><p> </p><p>We love you, your family on the board, and hope and pray that things will lighten up for you!</p><p> </p><p>Beth</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nvts, post: 125544, member: 3814"] Hi! [B][I] I[/I][/B] believe you, but I can also see it from husband's perspective so maybe I can shed a little light. In the 2005/6 year, my youngest sister (33), with her 2 boys moved out to New Mexico to make a go of it on her own. She wanted to buy her own house (without any $'s) and listened to her friends rather than me (doesn't she KNOW I'm always right? lol). She got sick. I mean REALLY sick. Her speech would get "slurry", had to walk with a cane, exhausted all the time, "tingly" sensation on and off all over, and aches and pains throughout her body. Her then 7 and 9 year olds were practically on their own as far as homework, cleaning, etc. She lost her job and had no real support system. All of us (including me) were convinced it was "psychosomatic" or attention seeking OR she wanted to come home and wanted to save face. My Dad went out and moved her back (after totaling her new truck - long story) and when she got here we were going to tell her how we felt. But this kid was my "baby" (another long story - not physically mine, but mine all the same). She came walking into my house (I live across the street from my Dad) and we talked. And talked and talked. All was right with the 2 of us (as well as my husband). The rest of the sibs are still BARELY speaking to both of us. She for being a manipulative user and me for supporting her. Thus far, it turns out she has fibromyalgia. She's still a mess physically, but now the kids have a life, so does she and we're still investigating treatments and things that are impacting her. She comes over for coffee and we laugh CONSTANTLY. Knowing that improvement will be occasional, knowing that this won't just magically disappear, knowing that this is debilitating on a constant, chronic basis, knowing that there are SERIOUS ups and downs, knowing that she needs a lot of support (both emotionally and physically); one LOGICALLY knows that she's going to feel lousy most of the times. Those of us that interact on a regular basis grasp at any and every straw that's out there. You and she are both lively, intelligent, beautiful people that we sit and watch on your good days and latch on to that hope that "things may be coming along". We don't mean to seem impatient, intolerant, mean or aggitated. We so desperately cling to the hope that you'll feel better, that we get frustrated with life (not you!!) that you seem better, but it's fleeting. We read everything we can, we listen to about 1/2 and we HEAR about 1/8th of that. We tend to latch on to any information that says that you'll feel better eventually. We are impatient because we miss our friend, but are wracked with guilt that we can't take some of your burden on ourselves to lighten your load. We're overwhelmed by the impotence of being unable to change things for you guys. So: we get witchy. We assume that with a little exercise or momentum that you'll be better than the day, morning, minute before. We grab on to the idea that we can help you feel better by projecting a positive attitude, but you guys don't feel well so maintaining that seems fake. Be thankful that he's being a little bit of a toad right now. It shows you that no matter what, he cares, he loves you, he wants to make you feel better, but is afraid that he's babying you. I know it's unfair for us to "cop an attitude" on the occasion. But trust me: I believe it's really frustration. "This too shall pass". It's just a mood. It's just frustration. He's PMS'ing and doesn't know how to handle it! I believe how you feel. Oh yes, I believe! Remember to smile. Remember to cry. Remember to rest. But most of all: remember to love: you, your husband and embrace life. :flower: We love you, your family on the board, and hope and pray that things will lighten up for you! Beth [/QUOTE]
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