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Denial.......? Fear?
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 126055" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>I am not sure if I said this. I know when I was starting to feel better, it occured to me, I was getting all kinds of "advice" on what would be "best for me" It was horrible, to me. I then began to wonder if difficult child felt that way about all the input SHE always had with HER issues? </p><p>Something else I noticed was that my family and the people around me seemed to think I was still going to demand everything be done the exact same way to the same standards I always did things. They were resistant to helping with things becuz they kept thinking they would not do them to my previous standards and satisfaction.....and they alsokept thinking I was going to wake up one morning and do everything magically, with no difficulty. BUT I KNEW I could no longer DO everything. There was simply NO WAY. So- they had no idea how our new ways were going to be, actually, neither did I. But this kept them nervous and off kilter and unsure. Pre illness I could be superwoman and post illness, I was not. Pre illness I yelled a LOT and demanded perfection in everyhting. Dureing recovery, I began to see we were all going to be miserable if I was angry when they did not help as much as I thought they should or do things they way I always did them. We were all going to be miserable if I did not understand that some things did not mean the same to them, and I could use my energies being frustrated and angry, or I could learn to accept the help they could give, at the level they could give it, the way THEY did things. Since I could not do everything, they did do somethings, and in order to encourage them to do more....I had to learn to accept such things as how they put the dishes in the cabinets, how they made hamburgers, rather than trying to get them to do those things MY way. easy child would get the mail in, eventually, maybe not as soon as it came like I used to do, - it might now be after she took her shower for work. difficult child might not put a load of wa sh in at bedtime like I used to- she might put it in in the morning. I always made spaghetti on Tuesday, but now someetimes the kids make dinner and sometimes we have Omlets on Tuesday. Whether that is how I would do things, I had to learn that it is OK. </p><p>If I do something and over do things, we are now adjusted to the idea that I might be pretty useless the next day. It does not mean I do not DO those things, it just means we assess things and figure out if it is going to work out if I AM not productive for a bit after. </p><p>I had to learn to pace myself, and make allowances and settle in to this new way things are. husband and kids may not like it so much, becuz they were used to me doing EVERYTHING, but as they began to see that this is how it now must be, they have gradually learned to cope. We call it our "New Normal" and that way it kinda no longer seems so scary. Or something.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 126055, member: 1697"] I am not sure if I said this. I know when I was starting to feel better, it occured to me, I was getting all kinds of "advice" on what would be "best for me" It was horrible, to me. I then began to wonder if difficult child felt that way about all the input SHE always had with HER issues? Something else I noticed was that my family and the people around me seemed to think I was still going to demand everything be done the exact same way to the same standards I always did things. They were resistant to helping with things becuz they kept thinking they would not do them to my previous standards and satisfaction.....and they alsokept thinking I was going to wake up one morning and do everything magically, with no difficulty. BUT I KNEW I could no longer DO everything. There was simply NO WAY. So- they had no idea how our new ways were going to be, actually, neither did I. But this kept them nervous and off kilter and unsure. Pre illness I could be superwoman and post illness, I was not. Pre illness I yelled a LOT and demanded perfection in everyhting. Dureing recovery, I began to see we were all going to be miserable if I was angry when they did not help as much as I thought they should or do things they way I always did them. We were all going to be miserable if I did not understand that some things did not mean the same to them, and I could use my energies being frustrated and angry, or I could learn to accept the help they could give, at the level they could give it, the way THEY did things. Since I could not do everything, they did do somethings, and in order to encourage them to do more....I had to learn to accept such things as how they put the dishes in the cabinets, how they made hamburgers, rather than trying to get them to do those things MY way. easy child would get the mail in, eventually, maybe not as soon as it came like I used to do, - it might now be after she took her shower for work. difficult child might not put a load of wa sh in at bedtime like I used to- she might put it in in the morning. I always made spaghetti on Tuesday, but now someetimes the kids make dinner and sometimes we have Omlets on Tuesday. Whether that is how I would do things, I had to learn that it is OK. If I do something and over do things, we are now adjusted to the idea that I might be pretty useless the next day. It does not mean I do not DO those things, it just means we assess things and figure out if it is going to work out if I AM not productive for a bit after. I had to learn to pace myself, and make allowances and settle in to this new way things are. husband and kids may not like it so much, becuz they were used to me doing EVERYTHING, but as they began to see that this is how it now must be, they have gradually learned to cope. We call it our "New Normal" and that way it kinda no longer seems so scary. Or something. [/QUOTE]
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