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Depressed and discouraged vent. Self-pity warning
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 533713" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">(((Pam))) - Another one here who will NOT tell you to just snap out of it. It's normal to feel the way you are feeling when you worry for your children, they make poor choices, live far away, etc. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Yes we all know about your son from Hong Kong and how you struggled with his choices and you can't help but worry about Sonic or your oldest son (personally, I think you should turn him in anonymously to save those girls scarring that could last the rest of their lives, but I'm not you and you're not me). You did do your best with what you knew at the time, a constant learning curve and work in progress. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">On the other hand, rejoice in the fact that at least Pastry Chef is living the life she loves and desires, is happy and a self sufficient adult. You did your job and she took to the world like a fish to water. It does sound like Jumper is on her way to doing the same. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">It's very easy to take credit for the kids who turn out stellar and hide in embarrassment for the ones who cause us shame. But the bottom line is that we do the best we can with what we know or learn and the rest is up to them. Fortunately (or unfortunately, as the case may be) we are NOT the only influences in our children's lives. Aside from genetics, the other factors include exposure at school, through friends and their families, neighbors and extended family and don't forget about what they see on tv. If it weren't for my friend's families growing up I am not sure I would have a clue what "normal" was, honestly. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">A big part of moving on from these feelings that you describe, FOR ME, is re-creating my life. Realize that your mothering, for the most part, is coming to a close. Perhaps you dedicated so much of yourself and your time to your children that you forgot about you in the mix. Maybe now is the time to find yourself, find out what interests you have outside of parenting, tap into your creative side, take a class, create a circle of friends that have nothing to do with children or raising kids. You have a history and a story for sure, but it doesn't have to define who you are today. Sending GIANT hugs and support your way. I only have the two girls and when they aren't around, I feel lonely and deserted too. Especially around holidays and such. I've been practicing doing more things on my own and strengthening my relationships with H and my girlfriends. While I am happy my girls have moved on to their own lives I sometimes feel like an old worn out shoe kicked to the side. Then I try to remember I'm only useless and it was only a waste of my time if I didn't love it while I was doing it!! </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 533713, member: 2211"] [COLOR=#008080][SIZE=2](((Pam))) - Another one here who will NOT tell you to just snap out of it. It's normal to feel the way you are feeling when you worry for your children, they make poor choices, live far away, etc. Yes we all know about your son from Hong Kong and how you struggled with his choices and you can't help but worry about Sonic or your oldest son (personally, I think you should turn him in anonymously to save those girls scarring that could last the rest of their lives, but I'm not you and you're not me). You did do your best with what you knew at the time, a constant learning curve and work in progress. On the other hand, rejoice in the fact that at least Pastry Chef is living the life she loves and desires, is happy and a self sufficient adult. You did your job and she took to the world like a fish to water. It does sound like Jumper is on her way to doing the same. It's very easy to take credit for the kids who turn out stellar and hide in embarrassment for the ones who cause us shame. But the bottom line is that we do the best we can with what we know or learn and the rest is up to them. Fortunately (or unfortunately, as the case may be) we are NOT the only influences in our children's lives. Aside from genetics, the other factors include exposure at school, through friends and their families, neighbors and extended family and don't forget about what they see on tv. If it weren't for my friend's families growing up I am not sure I would have a clue what "normal" was, honestly. A big part of moving on from these feelings that you describe, FOR ME, is re-creating my life. Realize that your mothering, for the most part, is coming to a close. Perhaps you dedicated so much of yourself and your time to your children that you forgot about you in the mix. Maybe now is the time to find yourself, find out what interests you have outside of parenting, tap into your creative side, take a class, create a circle of friends that have nothing to do with children or raising kids. You have a history and a story for sure, but it doesn't have to define who you are today. Sending GIANT hugs and support your way. I only have the two girls and when they aren't around, I feel lonely and deserted too. Especially around holidays and such. I've been practicing doing more things on my own and strengthening my relationships with H and my girlfriends. While I am happy my girls have moved on to their own lives I sometimes feel like an old worn out shoe kicked to the side. Then I try to remember I'm only useless and it was only a waste of my time if I didn't love it while I was doing it!! [/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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