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Depressed and discouraged vent. Self-pity warning
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 533790" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>WOW do I understand. I do think that maybe there is a reason your daughter (pastrychef) and even the other kids moved away and have busy lives and care but are not emotionally dependent on you and you feel needy because they are not inclined to check in often. So WHY is this? Because you are an AWESOME mom and they felt so totally loved no matter what that they are strong people and it doesn't occur to them that the mom who was there for them no matter what actually needs them too. It may sound strange, but in reality you raised them to know that they are deserving of love, are great people, and they are happy with their lives. When things are not so great, they go to their constant source of comfort - MOM.</p><p></p><p>No way were your time, work and love misplaced. Your kids are mostly self sufficient and in time they will come back to the fold. Well except for the one stunted by life in HongKong. His birth culture is soooo different that it may as well be another planet from the US. But the other kids? Will always be yours. Maybe the bio child feels that the others 'stole' you from him, and is acting out his anger on that, but it is a reflection of his mental health issues, NOT your parenting.</p><p></p><p>Your kids are productive members of society and that is a dang sight more than MANY parents ever achieve. They may feel so secure in your love that they don't contact you often, but it is NEVER out of fear that you will not be there for them. NEVER. Most are not yet at that stage where they see parents as actual PEOPLE who might be insecure or need them. In many people it doesn't happen until they have kids and those kids are old enough to question them. Then they start to wonder if their parents ever felt like they do and they open up more to their parents. As people are having babies later and later, in my opinion they are delaying this stage of development right along with the babies. Not right or wrong, just what seems to happen. </p><p></p><p>I hope you feel better soon. It is so hard when you have gotten to a point where you see some success on a real level and then bigger problems like Sonic's pop up. I have every faith that in time he will figure this out and that you will help him at every stage. In the meantime, it might not hurt to remind your kids that they would not be amiss if they contacted you more often, Know what I mean??</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 533790, member: 1233"] WOW do I understand. I do think that maybe there is a reason your daughter (pastrychef) and even the other kids moved away and have busy lives and care but are not emotionally dependent on you and you feel needy because they are not inclined to check in often. So WHY is this? Because you are an AWESOME mom and they felt so totally loved no matter what that they are strong people and it doesn't occur to them that the mom who was there for them no matter what actually needs them too. It may sound strange, but in reality you raised them to know that they are deserving of love, are great people, and they are happy with their lives. When things are not so great, they go to their constant source of comfort - MOM. No way were your time, work and love misplaced. Your kids are mostly self sufficient and in time they will come back to the fold. Well except for the one stunted by life in HongKong. His birth culture is soooo different that it may as well be another planet from the US. But the other kids? Will always be yours. Maybe the bio child feels that the others 'stole' you from him, and is acting out his anger on that, but it is a reflection of his mental health issues, NOT your parenting. Your kids are productive members of society and that is a dang sight more than MANY parents ever achieve. They may feel so secure in your love that they don't contact you often, but it is NEVER out of fear that you will not be there for them. NEVER. Most are not yet at that stage where they see parents as actual PEOPLE who might be insecure or need them. In many people it doesn't happen until they have kids and those kids are old enough to question them. Then they start to wonder if their parents ever felt like they do and they open up more to their parents. As people are having babies later and later, in my opinion they are delaying this stage of development right along with the babies. Not right or wrong, just what seems to happen. I hope you feel better soon. It is so hard when you have gotten to a point where you see some success on a real level and then bigger problems like Sonic's pop up. I have every faith that in time he will figure this out and that you will help him at every stage. In the meantime, it might not hurt to remind your kids that they would not be amiss if they contacted you more often, Know what I mean?? (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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