Welcome back. You have a number of different issues and I am no expert in any of them! I'll be glad to give you my opinions, however, since I know that it's difficult to feel alone and worried.
It sounds to me like you have quite alot to be thankful for right now with your difficult child. He is capable of doing the academic work and has improved this year in that arena. He is capable of
holding down a job and is doing that regularly. He accepts that
he has issues and not only accepts help but has dual experts that he is turning to for help. He is capable of interacting with male and female peers and is doing so. He also has found
an area of great interest that could lead him to a satisfying career.
He is really really doing well...even though he is not on the "same page" you are on now. I would assume that he is trying
to distance himself from you right now because he will be a legal
adult in six months (yes, I know he is immature but he still will
be a legal adult) and even easy child's have to separate from their Moms
and start looking at their future as "theirs".
Regarding the college funding, I think the rules vary depending on which program you have set up. Chances are you can just let
it accrue and hope he decides to seek more education. With our
program, by the way, it can be used for technical schools if the child
does not opt for a standard college education.
I know it is hard to be thankful for what you have, when you have
hoped and planned for something else. My happiest and also my most successful child was completely in sync with me "until" she
met her future husand. Although she did not marry him for four more years, she refused to stay in the University dorm AND she
refused to even let us keep paying for a dorm room so she would have a "safe" place. After 18 years with-o a single disagreement she came home, announced she was moving in with her boyfriend etc. and
I literally broke into sobs. I had never ever been so heartbroken. I pulled the parent "trump card" and told her IF she wouldn't even keep a change of clothes in the dorm...she would be on her own. She replied "I'm sorry Mom. I've made my
decision. Don't worry. I love you."
She earned her education. She is the most happily married of our
six grown kids. Her husband ended up (after quite a few years) being
an awesome husband.
I strongly advise you not to play a "trump card". Thank God that
your son is doing so well. He will soon be completely in charge
of his future. He knows you love him. In some ways you can guide him, but mostly now your job is to encourage and support him as he makes choices. Sending hugs. DDD
