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detaching seems to be the only thing
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<blockquote data-quote="work in progress" data-source="post: 19391" data-attributes="member: 2672"><p>DDD and Heartrope,</p><p></p><p>Both of you are terrific. I needed that boost. I am so grateful that difficult child is who he is. difficult child had considered Julliard school of acting and another college with an excellent drama program is sending him countless brochures. He tends to neglect applying himself or do incomplete assignment of the HS art/music/theatre teachers who could write letters of recommendations for acceptance into these schools. difficult child wants to take short cuts or not at all. difficult child also wants to break it big in the music producing industry, he writes songs yet (keeps a notebook handy and will write songs whether in bed or in his classes) We bought him an instrument to nurture his love of music (you know, to be supportive and help him to be even more creative). He is passing a piano lab class but is struggling because difficult child won't do the practice part. We went on a tour of a music production school last year and the instructors said it is not easy, there is study, reading, and hands on study. There isn't a special education department to support him with his ADHD issues, should he get stuck. It is expensive and all he will walk away with is a certificate. difficult child realize that with hard work and perseverence he could make it as the acting/music fields are so fiercely competitive. I suggest to difficult child that if he wishes to forego college or a specialized trade school after HS he work his pt JOB at night so he can go on cattle call like auditions in the morning, to read the trade publications but my suggestions are met with who are U, I know better. A relative in the next town who meets expenses between acting gigs is available for any career advice should he need it, but difficult child won't call him. Three weeks ago, he walked off of his job over a misunderstanding with him and a manager. But his dad intervened to get it all straightened out so he is continuing to work at his semi-parttime job. </p><p></p><p>Believe me, I am struggling with husband who is pushing the college thing on him. I think a year away from school might help difficult child sort his feelings; husband disagrees totally. I've only suggested to difficult child to at least try one or two classes and see how he likes it so to shut up husband. Then there are the PPs who want to know what school our difficult child is attending or proceed to tell me his/her child is going or to share where some scholarships are. Then there are the distant family members who say what is wrong with you, mom, what do you mean he isn't going to college, you have to show him how to get moving. Four months ago, he took the SAT/ACTs. I paid for them; he did okay without us having to spend loads of money to prepare him for tests. But the brochures and college apps continue to sit on a table gathering dust. I've literally shut down emotionally and I am trying to detach because of these pressures and his lack of appreciation. I haven't filled out a FAFSA form online because I feel like I am wasting time and just setting myself up for more disappointment. </p><p></p><p>I am trying not to control his future, but when he expressed interest in dropping out as a sophomore, I promised him that if he graduated, I would send him on a short trip to visit his uncle overseas. Did I overdo it? This is what he's always wanted to do since he was in third grade....brother in law who lives abroad will allow difficult child to visit for a month or as long as wants. So I tucked away some of my earnings to also fund a RT airline ticket to send him out into the big world to give difficult child a break from us and help him decide on his future. The passport photos are taken, the passport application will be submitted in a week from today and I will purchase the airline tickets soon. </p><p></p><p>I'm even considering using the college funding for the special music production school if that would make him happy. And if he really wants to complete his studies at this school, he will have to come up with the rest of his tuition money and any other incidentals because he won't receive any state aid because it is in the next town over (out of state). Ditto for any schools at the county level because there isn't a lot. Maybe he'll earn a scholarship later in life when he has matured some and has figured out what he wants to do. But when the money is gone, it's gone. No loans, I mean it.</p><p></p><p>I've told family and friends that this is his life, but I get in return from husband (who hasn't so much as put a dime into the college or graduation gift fund). or the PPs, or from distant family members, what do you mean.it's his life? what are you talking about? My company has a ADHD/Learning Disability (LD) support group that meets once a month but I feel awkward attending these meeting because my son at age 16 exhibited behaviors like the younger ones and I don't want to cry at these meetings, so I stopped going. I wish I had known what these parents know now when my son was younger. I get so distressed by the attitudes from all of those above that I refrain from keeping in touch with those in the family except those who are closest to me or pass on lunches with my boss and his co-workers because the topic of conversation is what school is your son going to? Last year, I told my son that I used to attend these support meetings because they did help me a lot and when I told him that these kids who were acting like him at 12-17 were as young as 5 and 6 years, he got so quiet. Maybe it was the turning point. I'll never know, but I am glad he is improving. Now to keep me centered, I use my company gym 4-5 days a week and practice yoga and Pilates on the weekends. It has helped me somewhat. I'm inspired to get on with my life and reapply for school, maybe try to get a certificate in personal physical training. husband and I have been struggling in our marriage and I am at a crossroads about leaving him after difficult child graduates. I stayed for the sake of our son. </p><p></p><p>I know that difficult child couldn't control it back when, we didn't have a name for what he was going through, but now he understand consequences and he knows he has ADHD and he will be considered an adult in four months and the stuff he does won't continue to fly in the real world so I will keep my door open to conversation when he needs me. If I initiate a conversation, he calls my talk noise. He thinks he isn't hurting me when he acts out or talks sarcastically or gets fresh mouthed, but he does. I let him know that his disrespectful behavior is not going to be tolerated or when he chooses to play his rap music with the awfullest language, we don't have to hear it. Either he has to wear a headset or the "music" gets trashed. He has to respect the house or else then I go into my bedroom and cry, pray to God to ask what did I do in a past life to deserve this, ask for his help to change and strengthen me, to open our difficult child eyes to all he is doing, the whole shebang and all husband says is let what our difficult child said or did roll off. I want it all to stop now or at 18, but I know from reading your posts that things will improve when it's time to improve</p><p></p><p>Thanks ago, DDD and Heartrope, you were a blessing. All that you said gives me some hope. I love my son so much and I know he loves me too. He does let me know at least once or twice a week before he goes to school or before he goes out with his buddies. Even if we are coming off of a rough argument or he's had a bad day. Boy do I ever cherish life more when he says that! </p><p></p><p>Any more suggestions or any opinions from you or other posters are welcome. I need all the support I can get.... . IM DONE, SORRY TO BE ALL OVER THE PLACE. God bless you all, WIP</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="work in progress, post: 19391, member: 2672"] DDD and Heartrope, Both of you are terrific. I needed that boost. I am so grateful that difficult child is who he is. difficult child had considered Julliard school of acting and another college with an excellent drama program is sending him countless brochures. He tends to neglect applying himself or do incomplete assignment of the HS art/music/theatre teachers who could write letters of recommendations for acceptance into these schools. difficult child wants to take short cuts or not at all. difficult child also wants to break it big in the music producing industry, he writes songs yet (keeps a notebook handy and will write songs whether in bed or in his classes) We bought him an instrument to nurture his love of music (you know, to be supportive and help him to be even more creative). He is passing a piano lab class but is struggling because difficult child won't do the practice part. We went on a tour of a music production school last year and the instructors said it is not easy, there is study, reading, and hands on study. There isn't a special education department to support him with his ADHD issues, should he get stuck. It is expensive and all he will walk away with is a certificate. difficult child realize that with hard work and perseverence he could make it as the acting/music fields are so fiercely competitive. I suggest to difficult child that if he wishes to forego college or a specialized trade school after HS he work his pt JOB at night so he can go on cattle call like auditions in the morning, to read the trade publications but my suggestions are met with who are U, I know better. A relative in the next town who meets expenses between acting gigs is available for any career advice should he need it, but difficult child won't call him. Three weeks ago, he walked off of his job over a misunderstanding with him and a manager. But his dad intervened to get it all straightened out so he is continuing to work at his semi-parttime job. Believe me, I am struggling with husband who is pushing the college thing on him. I think a year away from school might help difficult child sort his feelings; husband disagrees totally. I've only suggested to difficult child to at least try one or two classes and see how he likes it so to shut up husband. Then there are the PPs who want to know what school our difficult child is attending or proceed to tell me his/her child is going or to share where some scholarships are. Then there are the distant family members who say what is wrong with you, mom, what do you mean he isn't going to college, you have to show him how to get moving. Four months ago, he took the SAT/ACTs. I paid for them; he did okay without us having to spend loads of money to prepare him for tests. But the brochures and college apps continue to sit on a table gathering dust. I've literally shut down emotionally and I am trying to detach because of these pressures and his lack of appreciation. I haven't filled out a FAFSA form online because I feel like I am wasting time and just setting myself up for more disappointment. I am trying not to control his future, but when he expressed interest in dropping out as a sophomore, I promised him that if he graduated, I would send him on a short trip to visit his uncle overseas. Did I overdo it? This is what he's always wanted to do since he was in third grade....brother in law who lives abroad will allow difficult child to visit for a month or as long as wants. So I tucked away some of my earnings to also fund a RT airline ticket to send him out into the big world to give difficult child a break from us and help him decide on his future. The passport photos are taken, the passport application will be submitted in a week from today and I will purchase the airline tickets soon. I'm even considering using the college funding for the special music production school if that would make him happy. And if he really wants to complete his studies at this school, he will have to come up with the rest of his tuition money and any other incidentals because he won't receive any state aid because it is in the next town over (out of state). Ditto for any schools at the county level because there isn't a lot. Maybe he'll earn a scholarship later in life when he has matured some and has figured out what he wants to do. But when the money is gone, it's gone. No loans, I mean it. I've told family and friends that this is his life, but I get in return from husband (who hasn't so much as put a dime into the college or graduation gift fund). or the PPs, or from distant family members, what do you mean.it's his life? what are you talking about? My company has a ADHD/Learning Disability (LD) support group that meets once a month but I feel awkward attending these meeting because my son at age 16 exhibited behaviors like the younger ones and I don't want to cry at these meetings, so I stopped going. I wish I had known what these parents know now when my son was younger. I get so distressed by the attitudes from all of those above that I refrain from keeping in touch with those in the family except those who are closest to me or pass on lunches with my boss and his co-workers because the topic of conversation is what school is your son going to? Last year, I told my son that I used to attend these support meetings because they did help me a lot and when I told him that these kids who were acting like him at 12-17 were as young as 5 and 6 years, he got so quiet. Maybe it was the turning point. I'll never know, but I am glad he is improving. Now to keep me centered, I use my company gym 4-5 days a week and practice yoga and Pilates on the weekends. It has helped me somewhat. I'm inspired to get on with my life and reapply for school, maybe try to get a certificate in personal physical training. husband and I have been struggling in our marriage and I am at a crossroads about leaving him after difficult child graduates. I stayed for the sake of our son. I know that difficult child couldn't control it back when, we didn't have a name for what he was going through, but now he understand consequences and he knows he has ADHD and he will be considered an adult in four months and the stuff he does won't continue to fly in the real world so I will keep my door open to conversation when he needs me. If I initiate a conversation, he calls my talk noise. He thinks he isn't hurting me when he acts out or talks sarcastically or gets fresh mouthed, but he does. I let him know that his disrespectful behavior is not going to be tolerated or when he chooses to play his rap music with the awfullest language, we don't have to hear it. Either he has to wear a headset or the "music" gets trashed. He has to respect the house or else then I go into my bedroom and cry, pray to God to ask what did I do in a past life to deserve this, ask for his help to change and strengthen me, to open our difficult child eyes to all he is doing, the whole shebang and all husband says is let what our difficult child said or did roll off. I want it all to stop now or at 18, but I know from reading your posts that things will improve when it's time to improve Thanks ago, DDD and Heartrope, you were a blessing. All that you said gives me some hope. I love my son so much and I know he loves me too. He does let me know at least once or twice a week before he goes to school or before he goes out with his buddies. Even if we are coming off of a rough argument or he's had a bad day. Boy do I ever cherish life more when he says that! Any more suggestions or any opinions from you or other posters are welcome. I need all the support I can get.... . IM DONE, SORRY TO BE ALL OVER THE PLACE. God bless you all, WIP [/QUOTE]
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