In your subject line you say detaching seems to be the only thing..
Seems to me you have to learn to detach from family and co-workers.
One of the hardest things I had to learn to do was hold my head up high in this small town I live in with my difficult child.
Your extended family does not know your inner feelings, your co-workers certainly have no idea what your struggles are at home.
But you have to ask yourself, in the end, what will it matter what any of them think? You have to do what is best for your child, he is the one that matters.
I think a trip aboard is wonderful! how neat that he can stay with brother in law!
College is not for everyone.
I understand your disappointment, my difficult child's class is graduating from hs this yr. I had to force him to get his ged.
He was supposed to be at Auburn University on a football scholarship and then on to play pro football, that was his dream and god gave him the talent to play in the pros, everyone saw it since he was young.
He walked off the field his sophmore yr and has yet to look back....