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General Parenting
"Detaching" without being "Detached" is tough!
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 384303" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>Linda--</p><p> </p><p>I agree with you. I should not have to accept the unacceptable and frankly, this hygiene thing is a big issue for me.....but I am trying to follow the therapist's recommendations.</p><p> </p><p>Do you remember the rather disastrous kindergarten-skill-level behavior chart that was tried last year? difficult child was to "earn" everything by doing simple tasks (like showering and changing her clothes). There were four levels of priviledges. Well, difficult child never even made it past Level 1.</p><p> </p><p>And that's the biggest part of the problem in regards to discipline. difficult child has no currency. I cannot tell you how many times we have stripped her bedroom....and she never ends up earning anything back. Games, toys, books, clothes - over the years we've made so many donations to Goodwill it's not funny. She has no phone, no tv, no computer, no video games. The only furniture she owns is an old bed and a shelf. There is an overhead light so she doesn't even have a lamp. Her closet has hangers and wire racks for clothes (she has no dresser) - but she just keeps everything in a big pile on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>If you tell her she cannot watch the family TV, or use the phone, or play on the computer....she's fine.</p><p> </p><p>She's so darn stubborn she would sooner suffer than cooperate....and she told the therapist so right to her face.</p><p> </p><p>And so, we are now following the therapists new plan - which is to see how long difficult child will live under this "self-imposed suffering" of having very little and absolutely no priviledges. I tell you, she seems to enjoy it!</p><p> </p><p>AND she plays the suffering, poor, abused child for all it's worth! She conned a teacher into buying her school supplies. She gets kids at school to give her clothes, shoes, makeup. She even has a friend's Mom sewing her a Halloween costume! (I guess cause her real Mom is so mean!) She's even got other kids bring her food! We don't allow her free rein in our kitchen - but we'll find food in her bedroom that she brings home from school.</p><p> </p><p>So far....I have not seen difficult child inspired to do one thing to improve her life. In this area, she can begin working at age 14. We are walking distance from all kinds of stores and fast-food places that are always hiring - but difficult child is not interested in a job. We've told her she can have a cell phone as soon as she gets a job - well, so far, not enough incentive. I don't spend more than $5 on any clothes for her...so everything is discount, closeout or second-hand. She doesn't seem to care. She is not motivated to buy herself nicer things.</p><p> </p><p>She is barely passing school again this year. She does the absolute bare minimum to skim through her classes.</p><p> </p><p>husband told her she can particpate in school clubs and afterschool activities as soon as she gets her grades up. Well, she doesn't care....she has decided she's not interested in anything.</p><p> </p><p>She is old enough to get her learner's permit and work toward a driver's license. She told us flat out she doesn't intend to learn how to drive.</p><p> </p><p>Well, fine. I'm sure not gonna chase after her to get her driving!</p><p></p><p>So she's a difficult child with a capital <span style="font-size: 18px">difficult child</span><span style="font-size: 10px">...I don't have any answers. </span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">I feel she needs the structure of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - but there is no funding. We are #2 on the state's waiting list for funds. difficult child turns 16 (age of consent) in six months. We are in a holding pattern until we receive funds for Residential Treatment Center (RTC), difficult child gets arrested, or difficult child runs off to live with a less abusive family.</span></p><p> </p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 384303, member: 6546"] Linda-- I agree with you. I should not have to accept the unacceptable and frankly, this hygiene thing is a big issue for me.....but I am trying to follow the therapist's recommendations. Do you remember the rather disastrous kindergarten-skill-level behavior chart that was tried last year? difficult child was to "earn" everything by doing simple tasks (like showering and changing her clothes). There were four levels of priviledges. Well, difficult child never even made it past Level 1. And that's the biggest part of the problem in regards to discipline. difficult child has no currency. I cannot tell you how many times we have stripped her bedroom....and she never ends up earning anything back. Games, toys, books, clothes - over the years we've made so many donations to Goodwill it's not funny. She has no phone, no tv, no computer, no video games. The only furniture she owns is an old bed and a shelf. There is an overhead light so she doesn't even have a lamp. Her closet has hangers and wire racks for clothes (she has no dresser) - but she just keeps everything in a big pile on the floor. If you tell her she cannot watch the family TV, or use the phone, or play on the computer....she's fine. She's so darn stubborn she would sooner suffer than cooperate....and she told the therapist so right to her face. And so, we are now following the therapists new plan - which is to see how long difficult child will live under this "self-imposed suffering" of having very little and absolutely no priviledges. I tell you, she seems to enjoy it! AND she plays the suffering, poor, abused child for all it's worth! She conned a teacher into buying her school supplies. She gets kids at school to give her clothes, shoes, makeup. She even has a friend's Mom sewing her a Halloween costume! (I guess cause her real Mom is so mean!) She's even got other kids bring her food! We don't allow her free rein in our kitchen - but we'll find food in her bedroom that she brings home from school. So far....I have not seen difficult child inspired to do one thing to improve her life. In this area, she can begin working at age 14. We are walking distance from all kinds of stores and fast-food places that are always hiring - but difficult child is not interested in a job. We've told her she can have a cell phone as soon as she gets a job - well, so far, not enough incentive. I don't spend more than $5 on any clothes for her...so everything is discount, closeout or second-hand. She doesn't seem to care. She is not motivated to buy herself nicer things. She is barely passing school again this year. She does the absolute bare minimum to skim through her classes. husband told her she can particpate in school clubs and afterschool activities as soon as she gets her grades up. Well, she doesn't care....she has decided she's not interested in anything. She is old enough to get her learner's permit and work toward a driver's license. She told us flat out she doesn't intend to learn how to drive. Well, fine. I'm sure not gonna chase after her to get her driving! So she's a difficult child with a capital [SIZE=5]difficult child[/SIZE][SIZE=2]...I don't have any answers. [/SIZE] [SIZE=2][/SIZE] [SIZE=2]I feel she needs the structure of an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - but there is no funding. We are #2 on the state's waiting list for funds. difficult child turns 16 (age of consent) in six months. We are in a holding pattern until we receive funds for Residential Treatment Center (RTC), difficult child gets arrested, or difficult child runs off to live with a less abusive family.[/SIZE] :frowny: [/QUOTE]
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"Detaching" without being "Detached" is tough!
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