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Detachment 101 Failure
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<blockquote data-quote="KFld" data-source="post: 48969" data-attributes="member: 2442"><p>You cannot choose what she will do with her life, but you can choose to decide she cannot come live back home. Once you make that decision a weight will be lifted because you will no longer have to worry about that happening. My difficult child's room was absoluteley disgusting when he moved out. My husband had to patch many holes in the walls, when we pulled up the rug the hardwood floor was so molded from spilled drinks, ferrett pee, you name it, that we couldn't even refinish it and had to recarpet it. Besides the fact that my difficult child would be going backwards to ever move back home and was kicked out for drug use and stealing almost 2 years ago, I could never allow him to treat a room like that in our home again. My easy child daughters room can get messy but it's never dirty and filthy like his was. </p><p></p><p>When I visit my difficult child in his soberhouse he has been living in for 6 months now, his room is spotless. I know they have rules of how they have to keep their rooms, but his is beyond what is expected and it blows my mind every time I see it. He has learned too much responsibility for himself to ever come back and rely on someone else to do these things for him. </p><p></p><p>I think you need to decide that she can't come home and make it clear to her that whatever she chooses to do to support herself, or not, is her business, but you will not do it for her. </p><p></p><p>As far as worrying about how she will survive, you would be surprised at what she can do once she has too!! You need to get back to detatching and really really believe in the words of the serenity prayer.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="KFld, post: 48969, member: 2442"] You cannot choose what she will do with her life, but you can choose to decide she cannot come live back home. Once you make that decision a weight will be lifted because you will no longer have to worry about that happening. My difficult child's room was absoluteley disgusting when he moved out. My husband had to patch many holes in the walls, when we pulled up the rug the hardwood floor was so molded from spilled drinks, ferrett pee, you name it, that we couldn't even refinish it and had to recarpet it. Besides the fact that my difficult child would be going backwards to ever move back home and was kicked out for drug use and stealing almost 2 years ago, I could never allow him to treat a room like that in our home again. My easy child daughters room can get messy but it's never dirty and filthy like his was. When I visit my difficult child in his soberhouse he has been living in for 6 months now, his room is spotless. I know they have rules of how they have to keep their rooms, but his is beyond what is expected and it blows my mind every time I see it. He has learned too much responsibility for himself to ever come back and rely on someone else to do these things for him. I think you need to decide that she can't come home and make it clear to her that whatever she chooses to do to support herself, or not, is her business, but you will not do it for her. As far as worrying about how she will survive, you would be surprised at what she can do once she has too!! You need to get back to detatching and really really believe in the words of the serenity prayer. [/QUOTE]
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