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Detachment 101 Failure
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 48990" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi Meowbunny (love the name),</p><p>I agree with everyone else here. She is 20 yrs old, not a child anymore. I kicked mine out when she was 18 and she has learned how to survive out of necessity. She was totally helpless when she lived at home and would not look for a job, follow up on going to college, nothing. She would not pick up a dirty dish, etc. She acted so "entitled". I was amazed how capable she actually is when she has to be and I think she likes being independent now.</p><p></p><p>You are probably the last person who has any influence on your dtr--mine saw every interaction with me as a power struggle. My "advice" and "demands" (get a job, here is where you could apply, etc.) just caused her to dig her heels in--she was not about to do anything I suggested. Now it doesn't matter anymore so she does what she wants and she knows she has to work to survive--it isn't me telling her to do it, it is just reality. I don't know if you read my thread about her being an exotic dancer but that is what I have heard (not from her) she is doing to earn money. Well, not my choice but she is a survivor and it is her choice and her life.</p><p></p><p>I guess that's the main thing--she has the right to her own life, it is not up to me to approve it or not. I also have the right to my life and it doesn't include having her live at my house. Our relationship has definitely improved now that we have firm boundaries in place and we are not dependent upon each other (her for my financial assistance and me for trying to "help" her).</p><p></p><p>GIVE UP THE GUILT AND LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 48990, member: 3450"] Hi Meowbunny (love the name), I agree with everyone else here. She is 20 yrs old, not a child anymore. I kicked mine out when she was 18 and she has learned how to survive out of necessity. She was totally helpless when she lived at home and would not look for a job, follow up on going to college, nothing. She would not pick up a dirty dish, etc. She acted so "entitled". I was amazed how capable she actually is when she has to be and I think she likes being independent now. You are probably the last person who has any influence on your dtr--mine saw every interaction with me as a power struggle. My "advice" and "demands" (get a job, here is where you could apply, etc.) just caused her to dig her heels in--she was not about to do anything I suggested. Now it doesn't matter anymore so she does what she wants and she knows she has to work to survive--it isn't me telling her to do it, it is just reality. I don't know if you read my thread about her being an exotic dancer but that is what I have heard (not from her) she is doing to earn money. Well, not my choice but she is a survivor and it is her choice and her life. I guess that's the main thing--she has the right to her own life, it is not up to me to approve it or not. I also have the right to my life and it doesn't include having her live at my house. Our relationship has definitely improved now that we have firm boundaries in place and we are not dependent upon each other (her for my financial assistance and me for trying to "help" her). GIVE UP THE GUILT AND LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT! Jane [/QUOTE]
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