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Detachment 101 Failure
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 49180" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Wish I could get her to her therapist, a doctor, anything but she refuses. Has since the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Not much I can do about that.</p><p></p><p>I have no intention of forcing her to come home or even suggesting it to her. However, the odds of her present living situation working are pretty slim. If she has nowhere else to go, I will let her come home. That simple. Yes, there will be provisos and she won't like them. She never does but she does follow them when here. It also means she will move out first chance she gets but that's her choice. My choice is to not have my daughter living on the streets.</p><p></p><p>As to me going on medications, there are reasons why they are a last resort rather than a first. I do not do well on medication with some severe allergic reactions. I know when one is found that I don't react to, it will only work for a short period of time. So, medications are last choice. First choice is diet, exercise, therapy, doing things for me, all of which I am now doing and even seeing some slight improvement in that I get up, do things here, go out a little more with friends.</p><p></p><p>My basic attitude in not wanting her here probably won't change. I love her tremendously, like her very little right now. She is a drama queen to the maximum hilt. She may be a slob but one of the terms of coming home will be top-to-bottom cleaning of her bathroom and bedroom once a week and this time I will check the rooms rather than quick glances as I walk by them. She will take her last test for the GED. She will look for a job starting at 10:00 am every week day for a minimum of three hours until she finds one. She will let me know where she is going and when she expects to be back, just as I let her know my plans. She will have chores. Most of these are rules that were in place the last time she lived here. She resented telling me where she was going but did it. She did find a job. She hated getting up at 10:00 am, though. The only new rule will be the cleaning and I know she'll resent it but that's her problem.</p><p></p><p>When she is in a mood to listen and take advice, I will suggest ways she can go to make her life a little better. It got her to take her GED, it may get her started on a path with a future. I won't know til I try.</p><p></p><p>So, whether you agree it is the right thing for me to do, I have to do what I feel is right in my heart. And my heart says I have to give my daughter every chance and tool possible to grow. What she does with those chances and tools is up to her, I just have to make them available. That, to me, is my form of detaching. I will learn to accept that she doesn't have to use the help wisely or go the path I want for her, but I will show her the paths available.</p><p></p><p>Who knows? This may all be moot and she will find a way to truly succeed where she is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 49180, member: 3626"] Wish I could get her to her therapist, a doctor, anything but she refuses. Has since the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Not much I can do about that. I have no intention of forcing her to come home or even suggesting it to her. However, the odds of her present living situation working are pretty slim. If she has nowhere else to go, I will let her come home. That simple. Yes, there will be provisos and she won't like them. She never does but she does follow them when here. It also means she will move out first chance she gets but that's her choice. My choice is to not have my daughter living on the streets. As to me going on medications, there are reasons why they are a last resort rather than a first. I do not do well on medication with some severe allergic reactions. I know when one is found that I don't react to, it will only work for a short period of time. So, medications are last choice. First choice is diet, exercise, therapy, doing things for me, all of which I am now doing and even seeing some slight improvement in that I get up, do things here, go out a little more with friends. My basic attitude in not wanting her here probably won't change. I love her tremendously, like her very little right now. She is a drama queen to the maximum hilt. She may be a slob but one of the terms of coming home will be top-to-bottom cleaning of her bathroom and bedroom once a week and this time I will check the rooms rather than quick glances as I walk by them. She will take her last test for the GED. She will look for a job starting at 10:00 am every week day for a minimum of three hours until she finds one. She will let me know where she is going and when she expects to be back, just as I let her know my plans. She will have chores. Most of these are rules that were in place the last time she lived here. She resented telling me where she was going but did it. She did find a job. She hated getting up at 10:00 am, though. The only new rule will be the cleaning and I know she'll resent it but that's her problem. When she is in a mood to listen and take advice, I will suggest ways she can go to make her life a little better. It got her to take her GED, it may get her started on a path with a future. I won't know til I try. So, whether you agree it is the right thing for me to do, I have to do what I feel is right in my heart. And my heart says I have to give my daughter every chance and tool possible to grow. What she does with those chances and tools is up to her, I just have to make them available. That, to me, is my form of detaching. I will learn to accept that she doesn't have to use the help wisely or go the path I want for her, but I will show her the paths available. Who knows? This may all be moot and she will find a way to truly succeed where she is. [/QUOTE]
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