Good Morning, Okie Girl,
I agree. This is the hardest stuff in the entire world. I have lost a sibling and it wasn't this hard (although it sure was hard). I have gone through an ugly divorce and it wasn't this hard (although it was really hard).
My son's "six year reign" of self-destruction was simply terrible and it seemed never to end. It just went on and on and on with new things to shock me and hurt me. But it really wasn't about me or aimed at me.
It was an addict doing what addicts do.
I don't know why these things happen or why people are on paths like many of our DCs. I do know there is redemption for us, even if they never change. There is a better way of living which many people never discover (this, according to the theologian Richard Rohr who talks about the "second half of life") because they never have to.
We, through this pain, have had to come to terms with so many things, most of all ourselves. That is a gift. I started seeing that even before my son took a better path some 18 months ago. I started seeing myself become a better person, "refined by fire."
I know today that I can do nothing on my own. I must turn to my Higher Power again and again and again, a million times a day, to let go. That is the only way for me to live.
God or Your Higher Power (whatever that looks like for you, even if it's a group of supportive people) is intervening. Right now and right here. This is clearly the journey our DCs have chosen to walk.
I just pray that something good comes from all of it, and I believe it will, in time.
One day at a time. One minute at a time. Hang in there. We're here.
