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Detachment? Is detaching mostly external/public?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 490770"><p>StepTo2 - Thanks for posting that link. I had not seen that before. And Star thanks for writing that originally, it is helpful.</p><p></p><p>I really think, like so many things, detachment is a process. Ultimately I think true detachment (with love) happens within us and changes the way we are but it can start off being external in the beginning with a lot of inner turmoil. As you say faking it til you make it.</p><p></p><p>So for me the process started with me taking a stand and trying to stop the enabling behavior.... and keeping calm in my interactions with difficult child.... even when I was raging or sobbing inside. Sig - it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of showing detachment even when you arent feeling it. I think that is the start of the process.</p><p></p><p>Now I am at times getting further along in letting go... so this weekend as I posted I was worried because of various things. I was sorely sorely tempted to call the cell number I have for the guy at the sober house. I decided to wait until Monday.... I mean I really didnt need to bother him on the weekend. When Monday came I decided I could wait until Wednesday when it would be time to add money to my sons grocery account so I didn't call. And my son called me on Tuesday... and so I don't feel a need to call the guy at all!!! At least not right now. 6 months ago I would have called on Saturday!!! By waiting i let the process play out without mom havinig to interfere. That is a good thing. So that is what it looks like externally.... mom didn't jump in and interfere and check on him. She is letting go.</p><p></p><p>On the internal side I was ok with waiting. I stewed some, but kept repeating to myself the part of accepting what I cannot change and letting go. I did not let it take over my weekend and make me miserable. That is an internal change towards detachment. I am enjoying the holidays this year (at least to some extent as there are other stressors, like work being done on our house, and my daughter getting a concussion, and trying to get ready for Xmas). </p><p></p><p>So detachment is a process.... and just take it step by step.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 490770"] StepTo2 - Thanks for posting that link. I had not seen that before. And Star thanks for writing that originally, it is helpful. I really think, like so many things, detachment is a process. Ultimately I think true detachment (with love) happens within us and changes the way we are but it can start off being external in the beginning with a lot of inner turmoil. As you say faking it til you make it. So for me the process started with me taking a stand and trying to stop the enabling behavior.... and keeping calm in my interactions with difficult child.... even when I was raging or sobbing inside. Sig - it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of showing detachment even when you arent feeling it. I think that is the start of the process. Now I am at times getting further along in letting go... so this weekend as I posted I was worried because of various things. I was sorely sorely tempted to call the cell number I have for the guy at the sober house. I decided to wait until Monday.... I mean I really didnt need to bother him on the weekend. When Monday came I decided I could wait until Wednesday when it would be time to add money to my sons grocery account so I didn't call. And my son called me on Tuesday... and so I don't feel a need to call the guy at all!!! At least not right now. 6 months ago I would have called on Saturday!!! By waiting i let the process play out without mom havinig to interfere. That is a good thing. So that is what it looks like externally.... mom didn't jump in and interfere and check on him. She is letting go. On the internal side I was ok with waiting. I stewed some, but kept repeating to myself the part of accepting what I cannot change and letting go. I did not let it take over my weekend and make me miserable. That is an internal change towards detachment. I am enjoying the holidays this year (at least to some extent as there are other stressors, like work being done on our house, and my daughter getting a concussion, and trying to get ready for Xmas). So detachment is a process.... and just take it step by step. TL [/QUOTE]
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