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Detachment? Is detaching mostly external/public?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 490820"><p>I agree it is letting go but it doesn't have to mean not having a relationship with them... although as MWM describes if they don't want to have a relationship with you it is letting go of that and moving on with your own life. So for me it means letting go of trying to get my son to do the right thing... trying to direct his life. It means realizing he is the pilot of his own life and if he goes way off course then that is his choice, it is no longer up to me. There really is nothing more I can do if he chooses to make bad choices. However I can still let him know I love him, and I can still do things for him that feel good to do to ME and help him when he is helping himself. It does mean trying to keep healthy boundaries and to not enable his drug use or bad behavior. I still ask him questions but I no longer demand answers... if he doesn't want to tell me something then I let it go. For me this also means not making things I do for him conditional because that always brings us back to control issues. I guess the exception to this is that we are paying rent to a sober house and adding to a grocery card for groceries. So rent is conditional on him being at a sober house... but I am not giving him any money directly.</p><p></p><p>And Sig as far as conversations go... that is tough. I find it very hard to spend a lot of time with difficult child because i don't know what to talk to him about. It is not easy between us and I personally find that really hard. I know he is not like that with everybody but he is still like that with us.... although now and then I see a glimmer of hope in that too.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 490820"] I agree it is letting go but it doesn't have to mean not having a relationship with them... although as MWM describes if they don't want to have a relationship with you it is letting go of that and moving on with your own life. So for me it means letting go of trying to get my son to do the right thing... trying to direct his life. It means realizing he is the pilot of his own life and if he goes way off course then that is his choice, it is no longer up to me. There really is nothing more I can do if he chooses to make bad choices. However I can still let him know I love him, and I can still do things for him that feel good to do to ME and help him when he is helping himself. It does mean trying to keep healthy boundaries and to not enable his drug use or bad behavior. I still ask him questions but I no longer demand answers... if he doesn't want to tell me something then I let it go. For me this also means not making things I do for him conditional because that always brings us back to control issues. I guess the exception to this is that we are paying rent to a sober house and adding to a grocery card for groceries. So rent is conditional on him being at a sober house... but I am not giving him any money directly. And Sig as far as conversations go... that is tough. I find it very hard to spend a lot of time with difficult child because i don't know what to talk to him about. It is not easy between us and I personally find that really hard. I know he is not like that with everybody but he is still like that with us.... although now and then I see a glimmer of hope in that too. TL [/QUOTE]
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