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Detachment? Is detaching mostly external/public?
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 491004"><p>Thanks everyone...here's the update that prompted my post:</p><p></p><p>difficult child arrived home at 1:00pm on Saturday. He was warm and friendly. He spent most of Saturday unpacking a box that had been in his room (packed) since we moved here 3.5 years ago. It was filled with old sports & participation Trophies, a few baby things, his 1st Communion Certificate, a "Welcome Baby XXXX" my sister in law cross-stitched when he was born, his favorite baby rattle, a few framed family pics from his childhood (Baptism, Halloween etc), his ceramic baby cross, football & swimming plaques, etc....</p><p></p><p>He hung EVERYTHING that was hang-able on his previously bare walls and placed the other items (even the sweet star rattle that made him chortle outloud as a baby) on his bookshelves. I have NO IDEA what it means. He seems to think it's because he misses his family. I wonder if he is just "marking his territory." Most of this stuff had been packed away since he was 9 or so, the rest since we moved...<em><strong>WHY NOW?</strong></em> Things that make you go hmmmmm</p><p></p><p>He spent Sat night home, ate with us, did dishes, we all went to gma's fancy Christmas Brunch on Sunday - including difficult child's girlfriend and pc1s girlfriend. He was well dressed and well behaved, polite to a fault.</p><p></p><p>There have been NO behavior problems. However, his mood seems to have gotten a little more distant - not unlike the way we were all summer. (When I made the mistake of placating EVERYTHING just to keep the peace) This time it's been different just because the ground rules are in place and he has been meeting them without a fuss. He's also pitched in - emptying the dishwasher when full, etc.</p><p></p><p>We haven't gotten much insight into his life away at school. He did tell us about some new cuisine he likes and apparently eats regularly - Thai food esp Drunken Noodles, Chinese from XX place but the other place has better dumplings, etc. Which begs the question - <em><strong>where the heck are you getting the $$ to pay tuition, rent, AND EAT OUT? </strong></em>Of course, unasked.</p><p></p><p>He's spent some time snowboarding with his friends.(<em><strong>again-how are you paying for lift tickets?</strong></em>) Yesterday, he was telling me about the "Free Board" he and his buddies are building. Showed me video online of "freeboarding" - basically a snowboard/skateboard highbred with 360 wheels that is used on pavement and can reach high speeds.<em><strong> (GREAT-JUST WHAT MY KID WITH 2 CONCUSSIONS in his past NEEDS TO BE DOING!!!)</strong></em> I asked him to wear a helmet and bit my tongue. At this rate, my tongue will be amputated soon.</p><p></p><p>We will have to have "the talk" about tuition, school, plans and likely <em><strong>"where are you getting the $$?" </strong></em>H and I agree, no sense in having that talk until final grades are obtainable. And I am thinking we will likely delay it until the easy child's go back to school on 1/3/2012 - I don't want to subject them to family unrest while they are on break. So far, difficult child intends to stay home until school starts again on 1/22/2012 - I was expecting that he would go back early since he has an apt there. I think he may go back for a weekend or a few days, he mentioned needing to get some things - like his winter jacket - which he left there.</p><p></p><p>So, I am likely <strong><em>"disengaging"</em></strong> more than I am <em><strong>"detaching"</strong></em>. But it's a start...I'll let you know if anything changes.</p><p></p><p>So many things unasked...that will wait until after the new year...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 491004"] Thanks everyone...here's the update that prompted my post: difficult child arrived home at 1:00pm on Saturday. He was warm and friendly. He spent most of Saturday unpacking a box that had been in his room (packed) since we moved here 3.5 years ago. It was filled with old sports & participation Trophies, a few baby things, his 1st Communion Certificate, a "Welcome Baby XXXX" my sister in law cross-stitched when he was born, his favorite baby rattle, a few framed family pics from his childhood (Baptism, Halloween etc), his ceramic baby cross, football & swimming plaques, etc.... He hung EVERYTHING that was hang-able on his previously bare walls and placed the other items (even the sweet star rattle that made him chortle outloud as a baby) on his bookshelves. I have NO IDEA what it means. He seems to think it's because he misses his family. I wonder if he is just "marking his territory." Most of this stuff had been packed away since he was 9 or so, the rest since we moved...[I][B]WHY NOW?[/B][/I] Things that make you go hmmmmm He spent Sat night home, ate with us, did dishes, we all went to gma's fancy Christmas Brunch on Sunday - including difficult child's girlfriend and pc1s girlfriend. He was well dressed and well behaved, polite to a fault. There have been NO behavior problems. However, his mood seems to have gotten a little more distant - not unlike the way we were all summer. (When I made the mistake of placating EVERYTHING just to keep the peace) This time it's been different just because the ground rules are in place and he has been meeting them without a fuss. He's also pitched in - emptying the dishwasher when full, etc. We haven't gotten much insight into his life away at school. He did tell us about some new cuisine he likes and apparently eats regularly - Thai food esp Drunken Noodles, Chinese from XX place but the other place has better dumplings, etc. Which begs the question - [I][B]where the heck are you getting the $$ to pay tuition, rent, AND EAT OUT? [/B][/I]Of course, unasked. He's spent some time snowboarding with his friends.([I][B]again-how are you paying for lift tickets?[/B][/I]) Yesterday, he was telling me about the "Free Board" he and his buddies are building. Showed me video online of "freeboarding" - basically a snowboard/skateboard highbred with 360 wheels that is used on pavement and can reach high speeds.[I][B] (GREAT-JUST WHAT MY KID WITH 2 CONCUSSIONS in his past NEEDS TO BE DOING!!!)[/B][/I] I asked him to wear a helmet and bit my tongue. At this rate, my tongue will be amputated soon. We will have to have "the talk" about tuition, school, plans and likely [I][B]"where are you getting the $$?" [/B][/I]H and I agree, no sense in having that talk until final grades are obtainable. And I am thinking we will likely delay it until the easy child's go back to school on 1/3/2012 - I don't want to subject them to family unrest while they are on break. So far, difficult child intends to stay home until school starts again on 1/22/2012 - I was expecting that he would go back early since he has an apt there. I think he may go back for a weekend or a few days, he mentioned needing to get some things - like his winter jacket - which he left there. So, I am likely [B][I]"disengaging"[/I][/B] more than I am [I][B]"detaching"[/B][/I]. But it's a start...I'll let you know if anything changes. So many things unasked...that will wait until after the new year... [/QUOTE]
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