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General Parenting
Detachment - is it REALLY necessary? - long.......
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 104719" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>Nola, I would walk on my hands and eat poop if it would give my difficult child a better life. But, that would not work. It would not give her a better life. </p><p></p><p>What would giver her a better life?</p><p></p><p>*difficult child making better choices</p><p>*difficult child putting effort into school</p><p>*difficult child caring or trying to get out of her depression</p><p>*difficult child not refusing medical treatment for that depression</p><p>*difficult child not mouthing off at school</p><p>and a myriad of other things that bring her life down.</p><p></p><p>You get the common theme here, right? Even if I kept difficult child punished in her room every day with nothing to do in her room...SHE still has to choose to not be mouthy to her teacher and SHE has to choose to do her homework. It is her choice. I can not put the pencil in her hand and force her brain to think about that assignment. I just can't, it is not possible. </p><p></p><p>So, when your difficult child starts doing things for himself, trying to make a better life for him and putting real effort into it...then you can start to support him again. When he is making better decisions. </p><p></p><p>That is really what detachment is to me. I have to step back because I am powerless to do anything that would make difficult child make her life better. </p><p>I do what I can. I provide a nice home, with a bed and clothes (I even wash them now and then because she will not) and food. I try to encourage as much as I can. I am always willing to bring her places or trying to encourage social interaction. I do what I can.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 104719, member: 391"] Nola, I would walk on my hands and eat poop if it would give my difficult child a better life. But, that would not work. It would not give her a better life. What would giver her a better life? *difficult child making better choices *difficult child putting effort into school *difficult child caring or trying to get out of her depression *difficult child not refusing medical treatment for that depression *difficult child not mouthing off at school and a myriad of other things that bring her life down. You get the common theme here, right? Even if I kept difficult child punished in her room every day with nothing to do in her room...SHE still has to choose to not be mouthy to her teacher and SHE has to choose to do her homework. It is her choice. I can not put the pencil in her hand and force her brain to think about that assignment. I just can't, it is not possible. So, when your difficult child starts doing things for himself, trying to make a better life for him and putting real effort into it...then you can start to support him again. When he is making better decisions. That is really what detachment is to me. I have to step back because I am powerless to do anything that would make difficult child make her life better. I do what I can. I provide a nice home, with a bed and clothes (I even wash them now and then because she will not) and food. I try to encourage as much as I can. I am always willing to bring her places or trying to encourage social interaction. I do what I can. [/QUOTE]
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