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Detachment - is it REALLY necessary? - long.......
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<blockquote data-quote="weaselqt" data-source="post: 68552" data-attributes="member: 3989"><p>I grew up in the most dysfunctional family in the world. </p><p></p><p>- I remember seeing my dad pushing my mom down in the chair and the police were at my house </p><p></p><p>- I remember my little sister lighting a match and dropping it because it burned her and we were home alone </p><p></p><p>- I remember helping feed babyfood to my baby brother and he wouldn't eat (being baby you know) and my dad told me to eat the baby food and I did because I was hungry </p><p></p><p>- I remember having to sit on the sofa and be as quiet as a mouse because dad was watching Godzilla & King Kong on tv (black & white might I add !!) </p><p></p><p>= I remember my 5th birthday and crying because all I wanted was a birthday cake and I did not have one.</p><p></p><p>I remember my mom leaving my dad and going into hiding - I was 5 years old - All of the above happened before my 5th birthday and I am the oldest child</p><p></p><p>- when I am 8 years old I am shipped from Texas to Washington State to live with an aunt I didn't know because we were homeless (by now mom has 5 children & 3 step children & we lived in a tent on the lake)</p><p></p><p>- I saw my mom a year later and she brings me back to Louisiana</p><p></p><p>- when I am 12 years old - my mom disappears - my grandfather puts out a missing person report on her - the police question me intensly because my step-dad tell them that my mom tells me everything and I was scared because I didn't know where my mom was</p><p></p><p>- find out mom ran off with some man - and won't take any of her children back (my youngest sister is now 4 & half years old) because new man doens't want children</p><p></p><p>This is where I have trouble with detachment. This is how I see it. My children think I am over protective and so do many others - but no one knows what I went through as a kid and how STRONGLY I feel!! Now, I have taught my children how to cook, clean, and how to be a good person of society. I am VERY involved in EVERYTHING they do - and I think I do pretty damn good considering how I was taught.</p><p></p><p>My youngest easy child is not my biological child - he is my sisters child. She had him and let things happen so that he was taken away by the state - I stepped in to help her - I did NOT want her to be like mom - I wanted her to be a good mom to her son (she was 24 when she had him) - but no matter what I did - she seemed to not care! She seemed to not want him - I ended up adopting him because he would have been lost in the system forever. I love him so much and jus tdon't under stand how a parent can "DETACH" from their child - </p><p></p><p>Yes, my heart is breaking all the time with my difficult child - but I CANNOT detach - very, very, VERY bad experience for me. I don't want to be critical - I just don't understand - for a long time I hated my mom for what she did - but now - I love my mom. I talk to her, see her - & she regrets all that she has done - but she is STILL with the same man who didn't want any of us and convinced her of the same. My mother has no self esteem - neither does my sister (I'm guessing). But my relationship will never be the same with her and I do not want that with my difficult child. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I respect everyone's decisions that they make - I jsut don't understand.</p><p></p><p>I guess I will suffer forever....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="weaselqt, post: 68552, member: 3989"] I grew up in the most dysfunctional family in the world. - I remember seeing my dad pushing my mom down in the chair and the police were at my house - I remember my little sister lighting a match and dropping it because it burned her and we were home alone - I remember helping feed babyfood to my baby brother and he wouldn't eat (being baby you know) and my dad told me to eat the baby food and I did because I was hungry - I remember having to sit on the sofa and be as quiet as a mouse because dad was watching Godzilla & King Kong on tv (black & white might I add !!) = I remember my 5th birthday and crying because all I wanted was a birthday cake and I did not have one. I remember my mom leaving my dad and going into hiding - I was 5 years old - All of the above happened before my 5th birthday and I am the oldest child - when I am 8 years old I am shipped from Texas to Washington State to live with an aunt I didn't know because we were homeless (by now mom has 5 children & 3 step children & we lived in a tent on the lake) - I saw my mom a year later and she brings me back to Louisiana - when I am 12 years old - my mom disappears - my grandfather puts out a missing person report on her - the police question me intensly because my step-dad tell them that my mom tells me everything and I was scared because I didn't know where my mom was - find out mom ran off with some man - and won't take any of her children back (my youngest sister is now 4 & half years old) because new man doens't want children This is where I have trouble with detachment. This is how I see it. My children think I am over protective and so do many others - but no one knows what I went through as a kid and how STRONGLY I feel!! Now, I have taught my children how to cook, clean, and how to be a good person of society. I am VERY involved in EVERYTHING they do - and I think I do pretty damn good considering how I was taught. My youngest easy child is not my biological child - he is my sisters child. She had him and let things happen so that he was taken away by the state - I stepped in to help her - I did NOT want her to be like mom - I wanted her to be a good mom to her son (she was 24 when she had him) - but no matter what I did - she seemed to not care! She seemed to not want him - I ended up adopting him because he would have been lost in the system forever. I love him so much and jus tdon't under stand how a parent can "DETACH" from their child - Yes, my heart is breaking all the time with my difficult child - but I CANNOT detach - very, very, VERY bad experience for me. I don't want to be critical - I just don't understand - for a long time I hated my mom for what she did - but now - I love my mom. I talk to her, see her - & she regrets all that she has done - but she is STILL with the same man who didn't want any of us and convinced her of the same. My mother has no self esteem - neither does my sister (I'm guessing). But my relationship will never be the same with her and I do not want that with my difficult child. I respect everyone's decisions that they make - I jsut don't understand. I guess I will suffer forever.... [/QUOTE]
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