Sorry you had such a tough time early in life. I am glad to see that you broke the cycle and are a good mom!!
These days I detach from my 16 year old by trying not to comment too much about her choices. I give simple answers that are not confrontational at all. Even when I want to shake her and ask 'what are you thinking?' - I do not. She will have natural consequences. In fact, some of her choices, while would not be my choice, may actually work out fine for her - she may teach me something.
It does change with age, just like expectations & responsibilities change with age.
