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Detachment is not that you should own nothing; it's that nothing should own you.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 639624" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>A four year old boy grandchild, huh? That's so great! So, you got to do Halloween, and you have the other holidays coming right up, too. </p><p></p><p>I love that age.</p><p></p><p>I have six grands, HM. </p><p></p><p>Oldest granddaughter is 21. Funny, so bright, doing really, really well as she sets out on her own in the world. Her birthday is six days before mine. husband and I raised both granddaughters off and on, when they were little. This granddaughter, once when we needed to take them both to live with us, was my introduction into homeschooling algebra.</p><p></p><p>And we did just fine ~ but boy, did I have to bone up on that stuff.</p><p></p><p>The local school would not take the girls, because I did not have guardianship. I had to learn to home school in like, fifteen minutes.</p><p></p><p>We did fine, though. It wasn't that hard, really. We had internet and computers, then. When difficult child daughter was able to take them back, they were able to pass right into the next grades in school easily. </p><p></p><p>Our second granddaughter is fifteen. She has been through so many difficult things in the past three years. She is in a safe, stable home now, is doing well, is doing better, is coming through it.... She was born on my birthday, and I got to cut the cord. She just sent me an email showing a picture of this heavy set elderly lady. The lady has fallen to the floor. There are many concerned people looking down, trying to help her and so on. The caption: "My grandma when she realizes I haven't eaten."</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>We have four boy grandchildren, too. difficult child daughter's two boy children I am quite close to, though with difficult child daughter's situation over the past three years, we have lost touch to a degree. They are 9 and 6, now. I love them more than they love me, because they don't really remember me so much, anymore.</p><p></p><p>I don't mind.</p><p></p><p>They will be falling in love with me again soon enough.</p><p></p><p>difficult child son has two sons. They are 9 and 4. One is our blood grandson, and one is our grandson because we want him to be and he wants to be. This has been a difficult relationship all around. difficult child son is ~ he accuses me of being a crummy grandmother because I don't do for his sons what I did for difficult child daughter's two girls.</p><p></p><p>Like, let them come and live with us. Along with difficult child son and his S.O.</p><p></p><p>I am serious.</p><p></p><p>This is not the first time difficult child son has been furious that we refuse to let him come to live with us, or refused to take he and his son in.</p><p></p><p>They live in another state altogether from us, so a visit there is not something you plan when the father (our son) isn't speaking to you. The other side of the game is that he can accuse us of being crummy grandparents because we never come to see them.</p><p></p><p>It's a Catch 22 for grandmas. difficult child son's vehemence and condemnation have been hard for me. </p><p></p><p>I try to do better, to send more things in the mail and so on...but this summer, we left the addresses down South. difficult child son refused to tell me his address (or talk to me, for that matter).</p><p></p><p>So, I lost touch with those grandsons a little bit.</p><p></p><p>They seem to like to talk to me on the phone, though. I have been able to talk to them three times since we got back, and found the address, and sent their Halloween cards.</p><p></p><p>I think our son isn't talking to me again now though, so I probably won't be talking to those grandsons for a little while or a long while.</p><p></p><p>difficult child son likes to hold my relationship to his kids over my head. Things like I won't be talking to them again, or they don't even know or care about me and that's all I deserve because I'm such a poor excuse for a grandmother.</p><p></p><p>And how it's too late now, because the kids are growing up fast.</p><p></p><p>difficult child son likes to twist that knife in my back.</p><p></p><p>So, that's been a difficult thing. I don't know just how we are going to proceed with this. I do know we are going to keep sending holiday and birthday cards.</p><p></p><p>My grandmother made all the difference in the world, for me. I didn't see her that often, but she would send little things in the mail. When we did see her, she loved us.</p><p></p><p>And really, that made all the difference, for me.</p><p></p><p>So, I try to do that for the little grandchildren who have me for a grandma, too.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't even have to be all that much. </p><p></p><p>For anyone reading along who is a grandmother, try to remember this part of my story. Grandmothers can make all the difference in the world for a child. We don't have to be there that often, we don't have to spend alot, we don't even have to talk to them so often on the phone. But especially for children growing up in challenging environments, I think knowing there is someone out there in the world who loves you for nothing, for no reason at all except that you exist...that can change everything, for a child.</p><p></p><p>So, like they say somewhere or other, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.</p><p></p><p>There is a thread on Substance Abuse about mean adult children. It has been quite an eye opener. If you haven't read it (or for others of us who find ourselves unable to know how to look at our relationships to our adult kids) it's a great thread.</p><p></p><p>Here is one last thing about grandchildren, and about our relationships to them. I think little kids know more about their own situations than we give them credit for. I think that if we come one little inch forward toward them, they are ready already to love us, to open to us, to welcome us into their ~ really, not to be mushy at all ~ but into their hearts, their true hearts.</p><p></p><p>They need to be loved, like we all do...and grandmas, I don't know why this is, really, but it just seems to me that all grandmas find children fascinating. Even when they aren't my grandchildren, I like little kids so much.</p><p></p><p>Here is a story, for anyone still with me.</p><p></p><p>Remember the Disney movie The Lion King? And there is a pig in the movie. A wart hog, I think. And he is always telling everyone to call him MR. Piggy? So, when we were always watching that movie, I told my granddaughters they had to call me MR. Grandma.</p><p></p><p>We still laugh and laugh about that.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 639624, member: 17461"] A four year old boy grandchild, huh? That's so great! So, you got to do Halloween, and you have the other holidays coming right up, too. I love that age. I have six grands, HM. Oldest granddaughter is 21. Funny, so bright, doing really, really well as she sets out on her own in the world. Her birthday is six days before mine. husband and I raised both granddaughters off and on, when they were little. This granddaughter, once when we needed to take them both to live with us, was my introduction into homeschooling algebra. And we did just fine ~ but boy, did I have to bone up on that stuff. The local school would not take the girls, because I did not have guardianship. I had to learn to home school in like, fifteen minutes. We did fine, though. It wasn't that hard, really. We had internet and computers, then. When difficult child daughter was able to take them back, they were able to pass right into the next grades in school easily. Our second granddaughter is fifteen. She has been through so many difficult things in the past three years. She is in a safe, stable home now, is doing well, is doing better, is coming through it.... She was born on my birthday, and I got to cut the cord. She just sent me an email showing a picture of this heavy set elderly lady. The lady has fallen to the floor. There are many concerned people looking down, trying to help her and so on. The caption: "My grandma when she realizes I haven't eaten." :O) We have four boy grandchildren, too. difficult child daughter's two boy children I am quite close to, though with difficult child daughter's situation over the past three years, we have lost touch to a degree. They are 9 and 6, now. I love them more than they love me, because they don't really remember me so much, anymore. I don't mind. They will be falling in love with me again soon enough. difficult child son has two sons. They are 9 and 4. One is our blood grandson, and one is our grandson because we want him to be and he wants to be. This has been a difficult relationship all around. difficult child son is ~ he accuses me of being a crummy grandmother because I don't do for his sons what I did for difficult child daughter's two girls. Like, let them come and live with us. Along with difficult child son and his S.O. I am serious. This is not the first time difficult child son has been furious that we refuse to let him come to live with us, or refused to take he and his son in. They live in another state altogether from us, so a visit there is not something you plan when the father (our son) isn't speaking to you. The other side of the game is that he can accuse us of being crummy grandparents because we never come to see them. It's a Catch 22 for grandmas. difficult child son's vehemence and condemnation have been hard for me. I try to do better, to send more things in the mail and so on...but this summer, we left the addresses down South. difficult child son refused to tell me his address (or talk to me, for that matter). So, I lost touch with those grandsons a little bit. They seem to like to talk to me on the phone, though. I have been able to talk to them three times since we got back, and found the address, and sent their Halloween cards. I think our son isn't talking to me again now though, so I probably won't be talking to those grandsons for a little while or a long while. difficult child son likes to hold my relationship to his kids over my head. Things like I won't be talking to them again, or they don't even know or care about me and that's all I deserve because I'm such a poor excuse for a grandmother. And how it's too late now, because the kids are growing up fast. difficult child son likes to twist that knife in my back. So, that's been a difficult thing. I don't know just how we are going to proceed with this. I do know we are going to keep sending holiday and birthday cards. My grandmother made all the difference in the world, for me. I didn't see her that often, but she would send little things in the mail. When we did see her, she loved us. And really, that made all the difference, for me. So, I try to do that for the little grandchildren who have me for a grandma, too. It doesn't even have to be all that much. For anyone reading along who is a grandmother, try to remember this part of my story. Grandmothers can make all the difference in the world for a child. We don't have to be there that often, we don't have to spend alot, we don't even have to talk to them so often on the phone. But especially for children growing up in challenging environments, I think knowing there is someone out there in the world who loves you for nothing, for no reason at all except that you exist...that can change everything, for a child. So, like they say somewhere or other, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it. There is a thread on Substance Abuse about mean adult children. It has been quite an eye opener. If you haven't read it (or for others of us who find ourselves unable to know how to look at our relationships to our adult kids) it's a great thread. Here is one last thing about grandchildren, and about our relationships to them. I think little kids know more about their own situations than we give them credit for. I think that if we come one little inch forward toward them, they are ready already to love us, to open to us, to welcome us into their ~ really, not to be mushy at all ~ but into their hearts, their true hearts. They need to be loved, like we all do...and grandmas, I don't know why this is, really, but it just seems to me that all grandmas find children fascinating. Even when they aren't my grandchildren, I like little kids so much. Here is a story, for anyone still with me. Remember the Disney movie The Lion King? And there is a pig in the movie. A wart hog, I think. And he is always telling everyone to call him MR. Piggy? So, when we were always watching that movie, I told my granddaughters they had to call me MR. Grandma. We still laugh and laugh about that. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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