Good morning, ksm.
I think we must get our expectations up. For them and for ourselves, and in your case for GGS. When I look back at the last 10 years with my son, it has been a long slow dance that he has led. And what did it lead to? Degradation, despair, and desolation. For all. I did not help him or myself. I only submitted myself to carnage.
I have not heard from nor have I been able to contact my son for at least a month. He could have lost his phone, but I doubt it. I think he is blocking me. It may be that he has finally accepted that we are toxic to one another.
What I am trying to say here is that the damage runs both ways. When it goes past a certain point, we hurt them by trying to use (sacrificing) our bodies and lives for theirs.
They know that they have autonomy even though they can't handle it responsibly. They have and want free will. This is why it is so hard for all of us to prevail. We know they can't handle the consequences of the way they live their lives. And they know it too. And yet until they are forced to live the consequences of their lives, they have no real skin in the game. In a sense, this is a law of gravity that I have refused to accept.
Your granddaughter must be allowed to live with the consequences of her choices. That is what I have been unable to bear with my son. I couched it to myself as support. If I face the truth, it was the inability to make a boundary.
