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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 174234" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p>The problem with the article is that it takes bits from every where and does not give a parent an intergrated approach. Myrna Shure , Carol Dweck and to some extent Robert Brooks favour a working with approach and don't really fit in with a lot of the advice given.</p><p></p><p>I always laugh when I read ' But, paradoxically, not having limits has been proven to make children more defiant and rebellious, because they feel unsafe and push to see if parents will respond' - my kid rebelled against limits and the more I tried to impose limits , the greater the resistence. he was not crying out for limits , not testing me if I would respond , he did not feel unsafe , he was just giving expresion to poor coping skills, a lack of flexibility and adaptability and low level frustration tolerance. Only when I started to problem solve , set limits with him , work with him that thins changed. When kid are said to be testing limits the traditional advice give is impose more limits. I prefer Alfie Kohn's words that kids are really testing our unconditional love for them even when they don't meet our expectations and act out. </p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 174234, member: 10"] Hi, The problem with the article is that it takes bits from every where and does not give a parent an intergrated approach. Myrna Shure , Carol Dweck and to some extent Robert Brooks favour a working with approach and don't really fit in with a lot of the advice given. I always laugh when I read ' But, paradoxically, not having limits has been proven to make children more defiant and rebellious, because they feel unsafe and push to see if parents will respond' - my kid rebelled against limits and the more I tried to impose limits , the greater the resistence. he was not crying out for limits , not testing me if I would respond , he did not feel unsafe , he was just giving expresion to poor coping skills, a lack of flexibility and adaptability and low level frustration tolerance. Only when I started to problem solve , set limits with him , work with him that thins changed. When kid are said to be testing limits the traditional advice give is impose more limits. I prefer Alfie Kohn's words that kids are really testing our unconditional love for them even when they don't meet our expectations and act out. Allan [/QUOTE]
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