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Family of Origin
Did I give birth to an unicorn? Or three easy steps to become a guru
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 665105" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Basically he has gotten involved in faith healing business. I find it disgusting because I consider it double con: First it is conning people to pay for something that has no known positive effects aside from placebo or 'care-effect.' And secondly, and this makes it worse in my eyes, I don't believe a second my dad would believe any of it himself. However it is perfectly legal. Only court cases we have had concerning faith healing have been those cases where provider has used the trust their patients have for them to sexually abuse them and one case against the parents who used only faith healing methods to treat their young child with diabetes. Child dies and parents were convicted of neglect. Faith healing provider wasn't.</p><p></p><p>I also fear that my dad is considering this an art project and to me that is basically playing with people and their emotions and bound to hurt them, which is also wrong, but again, not illegal.</p><p></p><p>How he actually claims this thing is working is not like I wrote. It is complex belief system and I do not feel like finding out how it is supposed to actually work. But it does seem to involve unicorns, angels, Atlantis, indigo and crystal people as guides and what not.</p><p></p><p>By the way, I did talk with my dad last week and he in no way mentioned anything about any of this. He also offered a lie, without me anyway referring to that weekend, why he is busy during the weekend this fair will be.</p><p></p><p>We will see if he ever decides to tell me about this new business. I will not be asking.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Him being my custodial parent would not had been feasible. I would had ended up in care in no time. My childhood was the time his substance abuse was at it's worst. I can't even remember how many episodes of alcohol withdrawal he had (one even led him to ICU and it was a very close call, he wasn't medicated quickly enough because he went straight to some no medications rehab and it took couple days before the symptoms really came) and he was also addicted to drugs and had his amphetamine psychoses at that time period.</p><p></p><p>Even when I visited him, I often ended up alone to someone's flat after he and his friends had first partied there and then continued to bar. Quite a few times dad was not able to remember where he had left me before the visitation was over and it was often my grandpa who managed to track me down. It got easier when I got to school age and had bit of money so I could leave those flats and find a bus stop and try to figure my way to some place I could name and then call to grandparents or my mom from pay phone.</p><p></p><p>If he had been a custodial parent CPS would had likely taken me after first time he had to go to police Sunday afternoon and tell that he has forgotten where he left his 4 year-old daughter Friday night and none of his friends remembers either.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm a perfectionist and I have had to work hard on understanding concept of reasonable expectation for myself. While I said I was horrible to him, and I was, and while I would be disappointed with myself if I would now end to those kind of screaming matches with him and saying all those ugly things, I have decided that it would not be reasonable to expect that I could had handled it better at the time. I was immature and mean and didn't use better techniques like validating and better communication techniques, but there is a really good reasons for that. First, I was a child or young adult at the time. Children are supposed to be immature. Second, I didn't use those better tools, because I didn't have them. It is as simple as that. It is not reasonable expectation that I could have handled it better.</p><p></p><p>It would had been favourable to our relationship if I would had knowledge and maturity I have now, but that is not reasonable wish. So I can't keep it against myself, that I didn't do better with my dad when I was in my tweens, teens or early twenties.</p><p></p><p>Of course that also means that to not to be a hypocrite I can't have unreasonable expectations to my dad either. It would be interesting to know what kind of person he would be, if he would had had little more luck with family he ended up being born to. He didn't have and his childhood was horrible and tragic. That kind of background does not breed healthy people and against that one has to say he has done really well. It would be interesting to know, how he would had turn out with just a little bit of stability or even nurture. But that we can not know.</p><p></p><p>But it would not be fair for me to expect something totally unreasonable from him. And with the cards he got, the reasonable expectations simply have to be very low.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 665105, member: 14557"] Basically he has gotten involved in faith healing business. I find it disgusting because I consider it double con: First it is conning people to pay for something that has no known positive effects aside from placebo or 'care-effect.' And secondly, and this makes it worse in my eyes, I don't believe a second my dad would believe any of it himself. However it is perfectly legal. Only court cases we have had concerning faith healing have been those cases where provider has used the trust their patients have for them to sexually abuse them and one case against the parents who used only faith healing methods to treat their young child with diabetes. Child dies and parents were convicted of neglect. Faith healing provider wasn't. I also fear that my dad is considering this an art project and to me that is basically playing with people and their emotions and bound to hurt them, which is also wrong, but again, not illegal. How he actually claims this thing is working is not like I wrote. It is complex belief system and I do not feel like finding out how it is supposed to actually work. But it does seem to involve unicorns, angels, Atlantis, indigo and crystal people as guides and what not. By the way, I did talk with my dad last week and he in no way mentioned anything about any of this. He also offered a lie, without me anyway referring to that weekend, why he is busy during the weekend this fair will be. We will see if he ever decides to tell me about this new business. I will not be asking. Him being my custodial parent would not had been feasible. I would had ended up in care in no time. My childhood was the time his substance abuse was at it's worst. I can't even remember how many episodes of alcohol withdrawal he had (one even led him to ICU and it was a very close call, he wasn't medicated quickly enough because he went straight to some no medications rehab and it took couple days before the symptoms really came) and he was also addicted to drugs and had his amphetamine psychoses at that time period. Even when I visited him, I often ended up alone to someone's flat after he and his friends had first partied there and then continued to bar. Quite a few times dad was not able to remember where he had left me before the visitation was over and it was often my grandpa who managed to track me down. It got easier when I got to school age and had bit of money so I could leave those flats and find a bus stop and try to figure my way to some place I could name and then call to grandparents or my mom from pay phone. If he had been a custodial parent CPS would had likely taken me after first time he had to go to police Sunday afternoon and tell that he has forgotten where he left his 4 year-old daughter Friday night and none of his friends remembers either. I'm a perfectionist and I have had to work hard on understanding concept of reasonable expectation for myself. While I said I was horrible to him, and I was, and while I would be disappointed with myself if I would now end to those kind of screaming matches with him and saying all those ugly things, I have decided that it would not be reasonable to expect that I could had handled it better at the time. I was immature and mean and didn't use better techniques like validating and better communication techniques, but there is a really good reasons for that. First, I was a child or young adult at the time. Children are supposed to be immature. Second, I didn't use those better tools, because I didn't have them. It is as simple as that. It is not reasonable expectation that I could have handled it better. It would had been favourable to our relationship if I would had knowledge and maturity I have now, but that is not reasonable wish. So I can't keep it against myself, that I didn't do better with my dad when I was in my tweens, teens or early twenties. Of course that also means that to not to be a hypocrite I can't have unreasonable expectations to my dad either. It would be interesting to know what kind of person he would be, if he would had had little more luck with family he ended up being born to. He didn't have and his childhood was horrible and tragic. That kind of background does not breed healthy people and against that one has to say he has done really well. It would be interesting to know, how he would had turn out with just a little bit of stability or even nurture. But that we can not know. But it would not be fair for me to expect something totally unreasonable from him. And with the cards he got, the reasonable expectations simply have to be very low. [/QUOTE]
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