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Difficult 5 year old!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 707969" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Shereen, I would encourage you to ask a moderator to make this a thread of your own. You will get more responses tailored to you this way.</p><p></p><p>Please know that most of us who have been here a while think that ODD is a pretty useless diagnosis. It doesn't give you any real help. It tells you the kid doesn't like authority, period. It gives ZERO clues as to why or as to how to help. Most, if not every single one, of the kids who have come to this site have had this diagnosis at one time or another. It didn't help because it wasn't the actual root of their problem, it was just a label meant to maybe get the parents to stop asking what is going on and how do we help? Instead some parents take the label as "we don't know and can't help, so it is what it is". I actually had a doctor explain that is what ODD is, basically a label that is applied when the doctors don't know what is going on but they have to label the behavior without knowing what is causing it. WIth ADHD they know how to treat it, with bipolar they know how to treat it, with autism they know how to treat it, with ODD they don't have a single clue how to treat it. </p><p></p><p>I urge you to push for further testing. If you were in the US I would urge you to see a neuropsychologist or developmental pediatrician for intensive testing, generally 10-12 hours of it over 3-4 sessions, to see what is really going on. I don't know who does this sort of testing in the UK though. I do think your son needs serious help. </p><p></p><p>Of course his father doesn't see the problem. His father doesn't see much of him, does he? So he is on his good behavior for his dad, and they only do fun stuff together. Dad doesn't make him do homework, or take a bath, or go to bed, or not watch a movie, or stop playing a game, or eat his vegetables. Moms do that stuff. Plus with Moms you know they will love you no matter what, they won't leave you, they are always there. So you can show your awful side and they have to take it because they love you. But because Dad left, well, maybe you are not lovable, so if you are awful, and Mom still stays, then she really loves you. So you have to be super awful to Mom just to be sure she really truly does love you. </p><p></p><p>Yes, you and I see how strange that thinking is, but it really is how kids think. It is why it is super common for Moms to be the ones who get the super horrible behavior. My son was incredibly violent to me. It was horrible and scary and very dangerous. It took a lot of years of therapy for us all to understand it. I urge you to see a therapist as well as to get a therapist for your son. It can help.</p><p></p><p>We have a list of books that are very helpful. They can make a real difference if you use the strategies in them. The Explosive Child is the first book I would recommend. It is truly excellent.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 707969, member: 1233"] Shereen, I would encourage you to ask a moderator to make this a thread of your own. You will get more responses tailored to you this way. Please know that most of us who have been here a while think that ODD is a pretty useless diagnosis. It doesn't give you any real help. It tells you the kid doesn't like authority, period. It gives ZERO clues as to why or as to how to help. Most, if not every single one, of the kids who have come to this site have had this diagnosis at one time or another. It didn't help because it wasn't the actual root of their problem, it was just a label meant to maybe get the parents to stop asking what is going on and how do we help? Instead some parents take the label as "we don't know and can't help, so it is what it is". I actually had a doctor explain that is what ODD is, basically a label that is applied when the doctors don't know what is going on but they have to label the behavior without knowing what is causing it. WIth ADHD they know how to treat it, with bipolar they know how to treat it, with autism they know how to treat it, with ODD they don't have a single clue how to treat it. I urge you to push for further testing. If you were in the US I would urge you to see a neuropsychologist or developmental pediatrician for intensive testing, generally 10-12 hours of it over 3-4 sessions, to see what is really going on. I don't know who does this sort of testing in the UK though. I do think your son needs serious help. Of course his father doesn't see the problem. His father doesn't see much of him, does he? So he is on his good behavior for his dad, and they only do fun stuff together. Dad doesn't make him do homework, or take a bath, or go to bed, or not watch a movie, or stop playing a game, or eat his vegetables. Moms do that stuff. Plus with Moms you know they will love you no matter what, they won't leave you, they are always there. So you can show your awful side and they have to take it because they love you. But because Dad left, well, maybe you are not lovable, so if you are awful, and Mom still stays, then she really loves you. So you have to be super awful to Mom just to be sure she really truly does love you. Yes, you and I see how strange that thinking is, but it really is how kids think. It is why it is super common for Moms to be the ones who get the super horrible behavior. My son was incredibly violent to me. It was horrible and scary and very dangerous. It took a lot of years of therapy for us all to understand it. I urge you to see a therapist as well as to get a therapist for your son. It can help. We have a list of books that are very helpful. They can make a real difference if you use the strategies in them. The Explosive Child is the first book I would recommend. It is truly excellent. [/QUOTE]
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