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difficult child 3 attacked again
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 69437" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>We were advised that pressing charges would not work, for a number of reasons:</p><p></p><p>1) the perpetrators are 10 years old, too young to be charged.</p><p></p><p>2) the constable I spoke to yesterday pointed out that difficult child 3, being autistic, would be discredited as a witness.</p><p></p><p>I also was concerned about going down that path - sometimes a kid ends up with a record and still doesn't get the help he needs. I'm going to try the path of communication and education. I've been given the name of the Police Youth Liaison Officer, I'm going to call her and ask her to help with mediation and to see if there is some sort of longer-term strategy that can be put in place.</p><p></p><p>The only agency we can call, is the cops. A noisy party - call the cops. Kids blowing up letterboxes - call the cops. A bloke found bashed and unconscious on the wharf - call the cops. And the ambulance.</p><p></p><p>We have a couple of ambos who live in the village, they come home on call but off duty, bringing their equipment with them. In a local emergency these guys get called first. It was one of these blokes who turned up to help difficult child 3. He's the one who looked at the wound and said, "It probably wasn't really a log, I'd say it was just a stick about 2" in diameter that did this." He's also working as a part-time carpenter on mother in law's house, next time he's there I'm taking down a photo of the log.</p><p>But the cops still don't know that it was worse than we thought.</p><p></p><p>Today we persuaded difficult child 3 to come out with us - he was reluctant because he said his leg still hurts, plus his head does too. I said that I'm also not well, plus his cousin was really tired after an overnight flight across the country, and SHE was coming. So he came along. We left the train track early - he spent the morning playing Nintendo DS with two other boys there, who often play with difficult child 3 - no problems. We then went to the beach for a picnic and difficult child 3 went to play on the equipment with a lot of other kids - all strangers. I watched him from a distance - he made no attempt to interact, he just climbed on the frames or sat on a swing, playing by himself. Other kids played nearby and they all ignored each other. But there were also no problems.</p><p>I do think the outing helped, though. As we were driving home we passed his friend and his mother, walking home. I reminded difficult child 3 that his friend has been really worried for him and would benefit from seeing him, to be sure he was OK. So after he did his chores, he walked himself around to their house - right past the end of the street where these bullies were attacking him. He was not game to go alone yesterday, but he's seen how empty the streets are right now - it looks like all the kids have been grounded.</p><p></p><p>He wasn't home as it began to get dark so I walked there myself, to make sure he was OK and to bring him home. Turns out, friend's mother was getting ready to feed difficult child 3 some dinner, along with her son. I thanked her but brought him home - he has a routine we need to stick to, it's a school day tomorrow.</p><p>She did tell me, though, that she went to see one of the parents of one of the attackers. This woman was mortified, apparently. Turns out I helped her with her daughter, in getting access to support funding. She more than most has a good understanding of difficult child 3, and THIS happens, her son involved! My friend told me that this mother at least gave no hint of thinking difficult child 3 had started it - and even if he had, this was unwarranted.</p><p></p><p>A lot of these parents are good people. There is another parent who I also helped, in a similar way. Another who does a lot of good volunteer work with the school. Another who works hard in the health areas in the local community. So how can this happen? Because children in this age group are not only easily led, but the standards that should be set and supervised are not being reinforced properly. I do blame the school, at least in part. These kids have been running wild not only in the street, but at the school. Nothing seems to be done to really try to resolve or improve the situation, instead the school will only punish. IF the kids get caught. Too often, the school has been blaming the victim which teaches the bullies that they are doing things right. It also silences the victims.</p><p></p><p>If a victim is voiceless in any way, nothing is done to sort things out because the claim is, "We can't be sure who the perpetrator is," and so they never investigate or try to supervise more closely.</p><p>For a number of years, small girls in Kindergarten were getting molested by boys in the senior classes. These poor little girls had no way to identify their attackers - they simply hadn't been at the school long enough to identify them, and so NOTHING WAS DONE to investigate. Next year, it happened again. I know it happened at least two consecutive years, but it may well be more because it was all hushed up.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 has also been voiceless, due to his difficulty in recognising other people/kids, especially out of context. Plus he could always be 're-educated' if questioned the wrong way and told he had to doubt his own observations.</p><p></p><p>I'm asking for mediation, to sit with the families and these boys, show them the photos and explain why not only this is wrong, but how much harm it can do not only to others but also to themselves.</p><p></p><p>The school fair is coming up in a couple of months. I'm hoping to have enough solution in place by then, for difficult child 3 to be much safer this time. We'll still shadow him, but hopefully with less problem.</p><p></p><p>I'll let you know how I get on with the police during the working week.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 69437, member: 1991"] We were advised that pressing charges would not work, for a number of reasons: 1) the perpetrators are 10 years old, too young to be charged. 2) the constable I spoke to yesterday pointed out that difficult child 3, being autistic, would be discredited as a witness. I also was concerned about going down that path - sometimes a kid ends up with a record and still doesn't get the help he needs. I'm going to try the path of communication and education. I've been given the name of the Police Youth Liaison Officer, I'm going to call her and ask her to help with mediation and to see if there is some sort of longer-term strategy that can be put in place. The only agency we can call, is the cops. A noisy party - call the cops. Kids blowing up letterboxes - call the cops. A bloke found bashed and unconscious on the wharf - call the cops. And the ambulance. We have a couple of ambos who live in the village, they come home on call but off duty, bringing their equipment with them. In a local emergency these guys get called first. It was one of these blokes who turned up to help difficult child 3. He's the one who looked at the wound and said, "It probably wasn't really a log, I'd say it was just a stick about 2" in diameter that did this." He's also working as a part-time carpenter on mother in law's house, next time he's there I'm taking down a photo of the log. But the cops still don't know that it was worse than we thought. Today we persuaded difficult child 3 to come out with us - he was reluctant because he said his leg still hurts, plus his head does too. I said that I'm also not well, plus his cousin was really tired after an overnight flight across the country, and SHE was coming. So he came along. We left the train track early - he spent the morning playing Nintendo DS with two other boys there, who often play with difficult child 3 - no problems. We then went to the beach for a picnic and difficult child 3 went to play on the equipment with a lot of other kids - all strangers. I watched him from a distance - he made no attempt to interact, he just climbed on the frames or sat on a swing, playing by himself. Other kids played nearby and they all ignored each other. But there were also no problems. I do think the outing helped, though. As we were driving home we passed his friend and his mother, walking home. I reminded difficult child 3 that his friend has been really worried for him and would benefit from seeing him, to be sure he was OK. So after he did his chores, he walked himself around to their house - right past the end of the street where these bullies were attacking him. He was not game to go alone yesterday, but he's seen how empty the streets are right now - it looks like all the kids have been grounded. He wasn't home as it began to get dark so I walked there myself, to make sure he was OK and to bring him home. Turns out, friend's mother was getting ready to feed difficult child 3 some dinner, along with her son. I thanked her but brought him home - he has a routine we need to stick to, it's a school day tomorrow. She did tell me, though, that she went to see one of the parents of one of the attackers. This woman was mortified, apparently. Turns out I helped her with her daughter, in getting access to support funding. She more than most has a good understanding of difficult child 3, and THIS happens, her son involved! My friend told me that this mother at least gave no hint of thinking difficult child 3 had started it - and even if he had, this was unwarranted. A lot of these parents are good people. There is another parent who I also helped, in a similar way. Another who does a lot of good volunteer work with the school. Another who works hard in the health areas in the local community. So how can this happen? Because children in this age group are not only easily led, but the standards that should be set and supervised are not being reinforced properly. I do blame the school, at least in part. These kids have been running wild not only in the street, but at the school. Nothing seems to be done to really try to resolve or improve the situation, instead the school will only punish. IF the kids get caught. Too often, the school has been blaming the victim which teaches the bullies that they are doing things right. It also silences the victims. If a victim is voiceless in any way, nothing is done to sort things out because the claim is, "We can't be sure who the perpetrator is," and so they never investigate or try to supervise more closely. For a number of years, small girls in Kindergarten were getting molested by boys in the senior classes. These poor little girls had no way to identify their attackers - they simply hadn't been at the school long enough to identify them, and so NOTHING WAS DONE to investigate. Next year, it happened again. I know it happened at least two consecutive years, but it may well be more because it was all hushed up. difficult child 3 has also been voiceless, due to his difficulty in recognising other people/kids, especially out of context. Plus he could always be 're-educated' if questioned the wrong way and told he had to doubt his own observations. I'm asking for mediation, to sit with the families and these boys, show them the photos and explain why not only this is wrong, but how much harm it can do not only to others but also to themselves. The school fair is coming up in a couple of months. I'm hoping to have enough solution in place by then, for difficult child 3 to be much safer this time. We'll still shadow him, but hopefully with less problem. I'll let you know how I get on with the police during the working week. Marg [/QUOTE]
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