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Substance Abuse
difficult child age 15 headed for trouble how to avoid it your advice please
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 389602"><p>Yes Nancy when I read your posts i often feel the same way, they could be miine. I made a comment to my sons therapist years ago that I wonder what would have happened if he had ended up in foster care and his response was it would have been catastrophic.... he would be dead or in jail. Well our son did end up in jail for a short time but I do think some of what he got from us made him realize that is not the life he wants to lead. Anyway I think in a sense we have been a protective factor, he did get some values, ideas, etc from us that are helping him along the way but it was not enough to totally counteract whatever his wiring for trouble is. My hope is that as he gets sober and is thinking more clearly what we have taught him will kick in more and more.</p><p></p><p>It is funny if my daughter had been my first I would have been one of those smug parents who just thought I was the greatest mom in the world and this is how you parent...... but we had my son first and I would meet those smug parents who would tell me how to do it and what they said never worked with him. My therapist has told me of a study they did on mothers and infants where they measured how easy or hard the infants were to care for and then measured the mothers perceptions of themselves. The mothers with infants who were more difficult to soothe questioned their mothering a great deal more than those mothers who had easier infants to soothe. I think that is so true. We judge ourselves (and others do too) on how well our kids are doing and yet some kids just naturally do well and other kids naturally are more likely to have problems. Kids do not come into this world a blank slate that we then get to work on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 389602"] Yes Nancy when I read your posts i often feel the same way, they could be miine. I made a comment to my sons therapist years ago that I wonder what would have happened if he had ended up in foster care and his response was it would have been catastrophic.... he would be dead or in jail. Well our son did end up in jail for a short time but I do think some of what he got from us made him realize that is not the life he wants to lead. Anyway I think in a sense we have been a protective factor, he did get some values, ideas, etc from us that are helping him along the way but it was not enough to totally counteract whatever his wiring for trouble is. My hope is that as he gets sober and is thinking more clearly what we have taught him will kick in more and more. It is funny if my daughter had been my first I would have been one of those smug parents who just thought I was the greatest mom in the world and this is how you parent...... but we had my son first and I would meet those smug parents who would tell me how to do it and what they said never worked with him. My therapist has told me of a study they did on mothers and infants where they measured how easy or hard the infants were to care for and then measured the mothers perceptions of themselves. The mothers with infants who were more difficult to soothe questioned their mothering a great deal more than those mothers who had easier infants to soothe. I think that is so true. We judge ourselves (and others do too) on how well our kids are doing and yet some kids just naturally do well and other kids naturally are more likely to have problems. Kids do not come into this world a blank slate that we then get to work on. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child age 15 headed for trouble how to avoid it your advice please
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