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Substance Abuse
difficult child age 15 headed for trouble how to avoid it your advice please
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 389633" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>I do believe we have had a great impact on our difficult children. I have come to realize we have been a stablizing force in her life. During a particularly difficult defiant stage in her life her therapist told her that we adopted her but she never adopted us and until she does that her life will be out of control and she will be searching for answers. I truly think she has now adopted us. During her rehab we saw a transformation come over her with regard to her feelings toward us. Through the parent program she had the opportunity to express how she felt about us and for the first time in 19 years I felt as though she really understood that she was a permanent part of our family and we would do anything for her and that we were not going to abandon her but that we were not going to watch her kill herself any longer either and it was up to her to change. She was finally open to see the love and support that was hers all along but she was blocking by being the victim, the poor adopted child that no one understood. I believe she now sees herself and us differently and truly wants to be part of our family. </p><p></p><p>The rehab counselor told us over and over again that while they are using they cannot see anything other than where their next drink/drug is coming from. When they are clean they are finally open to seeing things more clearly. What just amazes me is that we have had serious issues with her long before she started drinking and using pot. We were terrified that she would stop drinking but the behaviors would all still be there. That is still a very valid concern, but what amazes me is that with recovery many of those issues are resolving. She is no longer defiant and abusive toward us. I know that could change in a moment but it appears as though recovery was what she needed all along, from the very beginning. Does that make sense? And that alcohol and drugs were the catalyst for her to begin to rewire the faulty wiring in her brain. It's just fascinating to watch and I know that next week it could all fall apart, but it tells me that there is hope and she isn't destined to live the life her bm is still living. I guess for me here is the best example that we have made a difference. Her bm did the same things she has done but much earlier and is still living a life of dysfunction. She had been in rehab twice before the age of 14, difficult child didn't go until 19. She has had two failed marriages and her home foreclosed and was living in a shelter until a friend took her in. difficult child is in much better shape at 19 than her bm was at that age. We couldn't stop the course her life took for the most part, but we slowed it down and got her the interventions that hopefully will turn it around. I think perhaps that is the difference.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 389633, member: 59"] I do believe we have had a great impact on our difficult children. I have come to realize we have been a stablizing force in her life. During a particularly difficult defiant stage in her life her therapist told her that we adopted her but she never adopted us and until she does that her life will be out of control and she will be searching for answers. I truly think she has now adopted us. During her rehab we saw a transformation come over her with regard to her feelings toward us. Through the parent program she had the opportunity to express how she felt about us and for the first time in 19 years I felt as though she really understood that she was a permanent part of our family and we would do anything for her and that we were not going to abandon her but that we were not going to watch her kill herself any longer either and it was up to her to change. She was finally open to see the love and support that was hers all along but she was blocking by being the victim, the poor adopted child that no one understood. I believe she now sees herself and us differently and truly wants to be part of our family. The rehab counselor told us over and over again that while they are using they cannot see anything other than where their next drink/drug is coming from. When they are clean they are finally open to seeing things more clearly. What just amazes me is that we have had serious issues with her long before she started drinking and using pot. We were terrified that she would stop drinking but the behaviors would all still be there. That is still a very valid concern, but what amazes me is that with recovery many of those issues are resolving. She is no longer defiant and abusive toward us. I know that could change in a moment but it appears as though recovery was what she needed all along, from the very beginning. Does that make sense? And that alcohol and drugs were the catalyst for her to begin to rewire the faulty wiring in her brain. It's just fascinating to watch and I know that next week it could all fall apart, but it tells me that there is hope and she isn't destined to live the life her bm is still living. I guess for me here is the best example that we have made a difference. Her bm did the same things she has done but much earlier and is still living a life of dysfunction. She had been in rehab twice before the age of 14, difficult child didn't go until 19. She has had two failed marriages and her home foreclosed and was living in a shelter until a friend took her in. difficult child is in much better shape at 19 than her bm was at that age. We couldn't stop the course her life took for the most part, but we slowed it down and got her the interventions that hopefully will turn it around. I think perhaps that is the difference. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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difficult child age 15 headed for trouble how to avoid it your advice please
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