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Difficult child and stepchildren
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742255" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>For this to happen there has to be parental support of the idea.</p><p>But the thing is, who can fault your husband from being scared.</p><p></p><p>The risk here is that your son is being scapegoated. By his step-siblings, and even by your husband. The reality is that there is extreme pressure on the family. The possible autism diagnosis for sure, of the baby, the blended family, the issues with your son, the fact that the step-kids have to deal with two families, and interference of the ex-wife's mother into business that is not hers. I am wondering if there is the possibility of family systems therapy?</p><p></p><p>I know for me, paying for all these services is daunting. If you live near a metropolitan area you can good psychotherapy according to a sliding scale, at Jewish Family Service. They serve everybody.</p><p></p><p>The other possibility would be behavioral evaluations, where a person comes into the home and trains everybody.</p><p></p><p>I am wondering if your son has an IEP. Because he really should have an accommodation to avoid the homework that may be stressing him out. He could have help at school to do necessary homework. This may be a question in part of pressure that can be minimized for him. There were a lot of challenges for my son at school but we did not have problems at home, until he was in his later teens. I believe it is because I really laid off with pressuring him a lot. For the most part, we did not do homework. He ended up with native fluency in 3 languages, and highly articulate. His capacity is huge, but he is mentally ill, and he has not been able to harness it.</p><p></p><p> Now, there are people that believe I created the problems for my son, by exactly this way of handling things. But in my heart, I believe that if I had pressured us both to the extent that we were stressed out, it would have undermined our relationship which was very good and sustained us both. But it was easier for me, because he was my only child and I raised him alone.</p><p>However bad the sedation was, and I am not advocating sedating him, the lack of impulse control seems worse.</p><p>What about asking if he could be given the sedating medication at night? Are you very confident in the child psychiatrist? I would consider taking son to a major Children's hospital in a metro, to the Child Development Department where there will be a team of developmental specialists.</p><p></p><p>I think that whatever is done, the intervention needs to take into account EVERYBODY in the family, not just your son. Because at this point, EVERYBODY bears part of the problem but more importantly everybody needs to be part of the solution.</p><p>There is the baby that they think might be autistic. That would be a whole other set of issues--dealing with a potentially autistic toddler, alone, along with this 8 year old who sounds absolutely adorable.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I hope you keep posting. I believe that there are solutions, but they do not come so easy for many of us. You have a lot on your plate but it sounds like you have a really loving, precocious and sweet child. Solutions will be found for him. It may be a question of another medication adjustment. Meanwhile, I think I would try to moderate expectations of everybody. Your husband is overwhelmed too. The stepchildren are caught in the middle between two families and who knows what their other grandmother is saying. Or their mother, for that matter.</p><p></p><p>But I agree with SWOT. Your 8 year old needs protection, too. You are right. This is not his fault.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742255, member: 18958"] For this to happen there has to be parental support of the idea. But the thing is, who can fault your husband from being scared. The risk here is that your son is being scapegoated. By his step-siblings, and even by your husband. The reality is that there is extreme pressure on the family. The possible autism diagnosis for sure, of the baby, the blended family, the issues with your son, the fact that the step-kids have to deal with two families, and interference of the ex-wife's mother into business that is not hers. I am wondering if there is the possibility of family systems therapy? I know for me, paying for all these services is daunting. If you live near a metropolitan area you can good psychotherapy according to a sliding scale, at Jewish Family Service. They serve everybody. The other possibility would be behavioral evaluations, where a person comes into the home and trains everybody. I am wondering if your son has an IEP. Because he really should have an accommodation to avoid the homework that may be stressing him out. He could have help at school to do necessary homework. This may be a question in part of pressure that can be minimized for him. There were a lot of challenges for my son at school but we did not have problems at home, until he was in his later teens. I believe it is because I really laid off with pressuring him a lot. For the most part, we did not do homework. He ended up with native fluency in 3 languages, and highly articulate. His capacity is huge, but he is mentally ill, and he has not been able to harness it. Now, there are people that believe I created the problems for my son, by exactly this way of handling things. But in my heart, I believe that if I had pressured us both to the extent that we were stressed out, it would have undermined our relationship which was very good and sustained us both. But it was easier for me, because he was my only child and I raised him alone. However bad the sedation was, and I am not advocating sedating him, the lack of impulse control seems worse. What about asking if he could be given the sedating medication at night? Are you very confident in the child psychiatrist? I would consider taking son to a major Children's hospital in a metro, to the Child Development Department where there will be a team of developmental specialists. I think that whatever is done, the intervention needs to take into account EVERYBODY in the family, not just your son. Because at this point, EVERYBODY bears part of the problem but more importantly everybody needs to be part of the solution. There is the baby that they think might be autistic. That would be a whole other set of issues--dealing with a potentially autistic toddler, alone, along with this 8 year old who sounds absolutely adorable. Welcome. I hope you keep posting. I believe that there are solutions, but they do not come so easy for many of us. You have a lot on your plate but it sounds like you have a really loving, precocious and sweet child. Solutions will be found for him. It may be a question of another medication adjustment. Meanwhile, I think I would try to moderate expectations of everybody. Your husband is overwhelmed too. The stepchildren are caught in the middle between two families and who knows what their other grandmother is saying. Or their mother, for that matter. But I agree with SWOT. Your 8 year old needs protection, too. You are right. This is not his fault. [/QUOTE]
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