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difficult child Behavior I Hate The Most
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 478859" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hi Bunny. Yes, hear you... difficult child-dom and a certain selfishness do seem to go hand in hand. </p><p>I have to say that I don't think 12 is too young <strong>at all</strong> to understand the concept of "do as you would be done by"... I think much younger children can "get this". Of course, some adults also never grasp it, but that's another question. </p><p>How do you get your boy to have some inkling that he would be happier and others would be happier if he behaved more co-operatively and reasonably? Well, I guess part of the problem is not that he necessarily <strong>wants</strong> or chooses to be rude but that he cannot control his impulses very well. So he blurts out the hurtful comment, the aggressive response, because he has not been able to control it. I think this has to become more conscious a process, perhaps, so that he is really "picked up" each time he makes one of these unskilful remarks and you work with him to redo the scene more appropriately. Easier said than done, believe me I know it... And change, if it comes, will come slowly. </p><p>What you have to keep in mind is that your son is the biggest loser from his behaviour, and will be the biggest loser. He lacks social skills and social skills are really the foundation of success in life. Trying to look at ifrom the point of view of his being "handicapped" rather than deliberately obnoxious would probably help. But, I repeat, I understand how FHTI... which is an acronym I leave you to work out for yourself. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 478859, member: 11227"] Hi Bunny. Yes, hear you... difficult child-dom and a certain selfishness do seem to go hand in hand. I have to say that I don't think 12 is too young [B]at all[/B] to understand the concept of "do as you would be done by"... I think much younger children can "get this". Of course, some adults also never grasp it, but that's another question. How do you get your boy to have some inkling that he would be happier and others would be happier if he behaved more co-operatively and reasonably? Well, I guess part of the problem is not that he necessarily [B]wants[/B] or chooses to be rude but that he cannot control his impulses very well. So he blurts out the hurtful comment, the aggressive response, because he has not been able to control it. I think this has to become more conscious a process, perhaps, so that he is really "picked up" each time he makes one of these unskilful remarks and you work with him to redo the scene more appropriately. Easier said than done, believe me I know it... And change, if it comes, will come slowly. What you have to keep in mind is that your son is the biggest loser from his behaviour, and will be the biggest loser. He lacks social skills and social skills are really the foundation of success in life. Trying to look at ifrom the point of view of his being "handicapped" rather than deliberately obnoxious would probably help. But, I repeat, I understand how FHTI... which is an acronym I leave you to work out for yourself. :) [/QUOTE]
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