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difficult child called several times today....
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 62989" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>You are handling it beautifully, hearthope. </p><p></p><p>Whatever he decides he wants to do with himself and however he decides he wants to do it, YOU are stronger now. You sound very clear about what you expect before you will help him, again. That will make you stronger still, and that is priceless.</p><p></p><p>I hope your son does come back, and does do the right things</p><p></p><p>I know how painful and scary it can be to talk to the kids when their situations are so dire. My advice to you is to remember that this is going to be tough, that the child will leave you alone or call you repeatedly or act in any other way that will wear you down and wear you out. Be prepared for the feelings this is going to stir up. Continue to tell your child that he was raised better and that it is never too late to turn things around ~ and that you are not going to watch him destroy himself.</p><p></p><p>Concentrate on the positive actions he needs to take to put himself where he should be at this point in his life ~ give him something to think about relative to where he is going to find himself in a year or two if he does not correct his course, now. (I actually never got to say much in the way of positive constructive criticism with our difficult child because he never wanted to hear it ~ but knowing what I wanted for him helped me to be stronger, whether he listened or not.)</p><p></p><p>Not much stronger. And as everyone here knows, I spent a long time being mostly depressed and half crazy, until I realized those feelings are the enemy. </p><p></p><p>It's easier now, but there was a time when I needed to learn to recognize and negate the feelings attending any contact with difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Hope, loss, hope, joy. Anger. Disappointment. Most of all, those questions about what I might have done differently, whether I did or did not say something wrong, whether I should or should not have displayed anger.</p><p></p><p>It helps me to label the confusion of feelings brought up whenever I think about my son.</p><p></p><p>Then, I can disallow them.</p><p></p><p>The most important thing you can have at this time is a clear mind.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 62989, member: 1721"] You are handling it beautifully, hearthope. Whatever he decides he wants to do with himself and however he decides he wants to do it, YOU are stronger now. You sound very clear about what you expect before you will help him, again. That will make you stronger still, and that is priceless. I hope your son does come back, and does do the right things I know how painful and scary it can be to talk to the kids when their situations are so dire. My advice to you is to remember that this is going to be tough, that the child will leave you alone or call you repeatedly or act in any other way that will wear you down and wear you out. Be prepared for the feelings this is going to stir up. Continue to tell your child that he was raised better and that it is never too late to turn things around ~ and that you are not going to watch him destroy himself. Concentrate on the positive actions he needs to take to put himself where he should be at this point in his life ~ give him something to think about relative to where he is going to find himself in a year or two if he does not correct his course, now. (I actually never got to say much in the way of positive constructive criticism with our difficult child because he never wanted to hear it ~ but knowing what I wanted for him helped me to be stronger, whether he listened or not.) Not much stronger. And as everyone here knows, I spent a long time being mostly depressed and half crazy, until I realized those feelings are the enemy. It's easier now, but there was a time when I needed to learn to recognize and negate the feelings attending any contact with difficult child. Hope, loss, hope, joy. Anger. Disappointment. Most of all, those questions about what I might have done differently, whether I did or did not say something wrong, whether I should or should not have displayed anger. It helps me to label the confusion of feelings brought up whenever I think about my son. Then, I can disallow them. The most important thing you can have at this time is a clear mind. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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difficult child called several times today....
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