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difficult child/difficult child mom causing problems
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 584067" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I see a lot in the situation. First and foremost, I see a minor child put in danger by living with an adult drug addict difficult child. If I were the parent, that would have to change or we would be on ou way to court over custody. It isn't healthy for the older sibling to be living in the home. In my area allowing an adult who is using drugs or is an alcoholic to live in the home with your child (regardless of how close to 18 they are) will get CPS after BOTH parents. The custodial one for letting the abuser live there, the non-custodial one for not yanking the child out or the entire mess into court. </p><p></p><p>The next thing is that each parent should not try to control what the child does at the other parents'. If they cannot agree on basic rules, and basic consequences, then they need to enforce consequences while the child is with them, and not when the child is with the other parent. Around here the standard custody arrangement, which is VERY hard to get a judge to change, is 50/50. It is some bizarre arrangement where the kid isn't really with either parent for more than 3 days, I have never understood the court ordered division. If the child acts up right before going to the other parent, the custodial parent can either deal with it then,or tell the child the consequence will happen upon their return. Kids are not stupid, and even as young as 3 they can remember what they and why a consequence is given. </p><p></p><p>Taking away an activity wtih the other parent is over-stepping. Unless the parents AGREE to remove the activity, the parent who isn't involved has no real right to take it away as a punishment. Not because they have no right to be mad,or because it might not work, but because it simply isn't going to happen. It is an unrealistic expectation.</p><p></p><p>Now both parents need to insist on decent behavior, and they should back eachother up. But we all know it isn't going to happen in a LOT of divorces. So focusing on what you CAN change will get you a lot farther. Though if my child treated his father badly and wanted me to then do nice things? The child would probably get a surprise because I would not be happy. </p><p></p><p>I cannot count the number of times my exsil has told my parents or bro that niece is not allowed to do, have, see, speak to, watch, blah blah blah something. She flat out refuses to enforce any discipline at her home, but always has some consequence that bro or my folks are supposed to follow through with. It is always a mess.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 584067, member: 1233"] I see a lot in the situation. First and foremost, I see a minor child put in danger by living with an adult drug addict difficult child. If I were the parent, that would have to change or we would be on ou way to court over custody. It isn't healthy for the older sibling to be living in the home. In my area allowing an adult who is using drugs or is an alcoholic to live in the home with your child (regardless of how close to 18 they are) will get CPS after BOTH parents. The custodial one for letting the abuser live there, the non-custodial one for not yanking the child out or the entire mess into court. The next thing is that each parent should not try to control what the child does at the other parents'. If they cannot agree on basic rules, and basic consequences, then they need to enforce consequences while the child is with them, and not when the child is with the other parent. Around here the standard custody arrangement, which is VERY hard to get a judge to change, is 50/50. It is some bizarre arrangement where the kid isn't really with either parent for more than 3 days, I have never understood the court ordered division. If the child acts up right before going to the other parent, the custodial parent can either deal with it then,or tell the child the consequence will happen upon their return. Kids are not stupid, and even as young as 3 they can remember what they and why a consequence is given. Taking away an activity wtih the other parent is over-stepping. Unless the parents AGREE to remove the activity, the parent who isn't involved has no real right to take it away as a punishment. Not because they have no right to be mad,or because it might not work, but because it simply isn't going to happen. It is an unrealistic expectation. Now both parents need to insist on decent behavior, and they should back eachother up. But we all know it isn't going to happen in a LOT of divorces. So focusing on what you CAN change will get you a lot farther. Though if my child treated his father badly and wanted me to then do nice things? The child would probably get a surprise because I would not be happy. I cannot count the number of times my exsil has told my parents or bro that niece is not allowed to do, have, see, speak to, watch, blah blah blah something. She flat out refuses to enforce any discipline at her home, but always has some consequence that bro or my folks are supposed to follow through with. It is always a mess. [/QUOTE]
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