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difficult child draining my life force
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 516162" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>With the abuse issues, I'm wondering if there is the possibility your daughter has borderline personality disorder. You might want to do a search and read up on it a bit and see if anything sounds familiar. It's a sort of "I push you away so you can prove how much you love me" type disorder and it can be really tough to live with, as in family / friends of the person. Hard on the person as well because they don't realize that is what they're doing. If often pops up after abusive situations, although other types of trauma can contribute. </p><p></p><p>My daughter Nichole was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and borderline.......and whew yeah, that is a combination. She's a family oriented girl who pushed us away on a regular basis. The disorder can cause skewed thinking, such as your daughter graduating with high honors, yet still believing she's stupid. Now if that was my Nichole back before she was stable.....she'd swear they just handed it to her out of pity or something (wouldn't matter really the reason, but in her mind she couldn't possibly have achieved it.) And those 3 disorders seemed to feed off each other. One thing that helped was that we are very close and she felt comfortable talking with me about most things. It helped because I could see just how warped her version of reality was......and as a natural course, I'd counter it with step by step what it really was. She had no choice but to go to treatment. She balked in a huge way, wasn't going to talk blah blah blah. I told her whatever, she'd sit there till eternity then. Her choice. </p><p></p><p>Nichole had a lot of anger, most of it misplaced, but that's not uncommon with abuse/trauma. She had a lot of pain to deal with that she had been stuffing for years. medications helped keep her moods somewhat stable. (they're not perfect, they help....they don't "cure") But her real motivation to jump into her treatment program didn't come until after her daughter was born. And even with her cooperation it was a ton of hard work with her psychiatrist and I working hard to untangle the skewed thinking behind her behaviors/moods ect. She has been stable for a few years now.</p><p></p><p>I don't know if your daughter could have borderline, but it's a possibility given her background with her father and the bullying by other kids. And the trouble with mental illness is that if you don't have an accurate diagnosis, odds of successful treatment are slim. </p><p></p><p>I don't know how I somehow got the impression you were rural instead of in NYC. (talk about off LOL ) But I see your point about transportation being a major issue. And you're right, programs for the disabled adults are nothing like they are for children (not that those are a lot either), what I've found was usually by accident by stumbling across it while looking for something else. </p><p></p><p>With Nichole it was really hard watching what she was going through, nor was she by far easy to live with. All I could do was stand firm on treatment and hope eventually some of it would begin to strike a chord with her and slowly chip away her wall. I couldn't force her to cooperate and work with the therapist/psychiatrist. I did make certain she took her medications, but that is another story..... I did do my best to educate her on her disorders, especially the borderline. But in the end it was totally up to her. I had to accept that, hard as it was. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 516162, member: 84"] With the abuse issues, I'm wondering if there is the possibility your daughter has borderline personality disorder. You might want to do a search and read up on it a bit and see if anything sounds familiar. It's a sort of "I push you away so you can prove how much you love me" type disorder and it can be really tough to live with, as in family / friends of the person. Hard on the person as well because they don't realize that is what they're doing. If often pops up after abusive situations, although other types of trauma can contribute. My daughter Nichole was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and borderline.......and whew yeah, that is a combination. She's a family oriented girl who pushed us away on a regular basis. The disorder can cause skewed thinking, such as your daughter graduating with high honors, yet still believing she's stupid. Now if that was my Nichole back before she was stable.....she'd swear they just handed it to her out of pity or something (wouldn't matter really the reason, but in her mind she couldn't possibly have achieved it.) And those 3 disorders seemed to feed off each other. One thing that helped was that we are very close and she felt comfortable talking with me about most things. It helped because I could see just how warped her version of reality was......and as a natural course, I'd counter it with step by step what it really was. She had no choice but to go to treatment. She balked in a huge way, wasn't going to talk blah blah blah. I told her whatever, she'd sit there till eternity then. Her choice. Nichole had a lot of anger, most of it misplaced, but that's not uncommon with abuse/trauma. She had a lot of pain to deal with that she had been stuffing for years. medications helped keep her moods somewhat stable. (they're not perfect, they help....they don't "cure") But her real motivation to jump into her treatment program didn't come until after her daughter was born. And even with her cooperation it was a ton of hard work with her psychiatrist and I working hard to untangle the skewed thinking behind her behaviors/moods ect. She has been stable for a few years now. I don't know if your daughter could have borderline, but it's a possibility given her background with her father and the bullying by other kids. And the trouble with mental illness is that if you don't have an accurate diagnosis, odds of successful treatment are slim. I don't know how I somehow got the impression you were rural instead of in NYC. (talk about off LOL ) But I see your point about transportation being a major issue. And you're right, programs for the disabled adults are nothing like they are for children (not that those are a lot either), what I've found was usually by accident by stumbling across it while looking for something else. With Nichole it was really hard watching what she was going through, nor was she by far easy to live with. All I could do was stand firm on treatment and hope eventually some of it would begin to strike a chord with her and slowly chip away her wall. I couldn't force her to cooperate and work with the therapist/psychiatrist. I did make certain she took her medications, but that is another story..... I did do my best to educate her on her disorders, especially the borderline. But in the end it was totally up to her. I had to accept that, hard as it was. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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