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difficult child falling apart at school-sorry long
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 345553" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>I know you don't want to do this but have you considered that a more structured setting like residential care may be </p><p>the best answer. If he is a danger, which he is, to other students and adults including you then school is really a wasted </p><p>exercise. If his brain is in such disarray he isn't really learning is he? </p><p>I know first hand that schools and society do not address the issues of mental and emotionally unstable students but the truth is that when they get to this point, educating them is really not a priority. Because as a society we are too afraid of the black hole of the label of mentally unstable we tend to keep them in an environment that is not to their or anyone else's well being far too long. </p><p>Getting them stable and functional is the priority before he can go to class and be educated. </p><p>I knew when medications of all sorts weren't working. All the experts money could buy didn't influence difficult child's behavior. All the special education the school system had to offer couldn't keep him in a state of mind where he could learn and he had no fear of authority that I had lost the battle using traditional methods. It was time to admit that my son was unsafe and unhealthy. School was not the priority. He suffers with that consequence now but he will have to learn what he missed at this age. The trade off of an incredibly stable young man who is struggling with educational deficeits and work struggles is infinitely better than the whirling dervish of a barely visible human boy at 12 and 13. </p><p>I know you keep hoping that you can go a little longer before the inevitable but you continue to believe that you can handle it a little longer, hoping it will work itself out. </p><p>The educational system is not set up nor ever will be set up to handle emotionally unstable children. Some of our kids need a therapeutic environment where they can get the chance to grasp on to reality. After they are better then they can get educated. It is a disservice to difficult child, the other students and the teachers to expect an unhealthy, unstable child to attend day after day. </p><p></p><p>I understand your fears. I understand that the school system doesn't want to say that they can't educate you child but they can't. If he isn't being educated then what's the point? Going through the motions doesn't make him fit in. When my difficult child said he isn't like the other students I told him he was not acting like the other students so he can't expect the same treatment. Doesn't mean my difficult child couldn't change his behavior and get rewards. Some self discipline lessons have to be instilled even when they are unstable. </p><p></p><p>You know guilt comes with raising a difficult child but when it holds you back from doing what difficult child needs then it is a liability. I finally threw it out. I do what's best for difficult child and if there is nothing I can do for difficult child then I do what's best for the family. </p><p></p><p>Despite common thinking, not everyone can learn and being in a state of mental instability is one of those times. in my humble opinion of course. </p><p>I also know that if you don't come to the truths on your own you will not buy into it. The guilt will cause you to cut interventions short so if you get to the point I did you will do what your son needs regardless of personal pain, guilt or public opinion. Hang in there. You aren't on this path by yourself. Several of us recognize the crazy life you are living.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 345553, member: 3"] I know you don't want to do this but have you considered that a more structured setting like residential care may be the best answer. If he is a danger, which he is, to other students and adults including you then school is really a wasted exercise. If his brain is in such disarray he isn't really learning is he? I know first hand that schools and society do not address the issues of mental and emotionally unstable students but the truth is that when they get to this point, educating them is really not a priority. Because as a society we are too afraid of the black hole of the label of mentally unstable we tend to keep them in an environment that is not to their or anyone else's well being far too long. Getting them stable and functional is the priority before he can go to class and be educated. I knew when medications of all sorts weren't working. All the experts money could buy didn't influence difficult child's behavior. All the special education the school system had to offer couldn't keep him in a state of mind where he could learn and he had no fear of authority that I had lost the battle using traditional methods. It was time to admit that my son was unsafe and unhealthy. School was not the priority. He suffers with that consequence now but he will have to learn what he missed at this age. The trade off of an incredibly stable young man who is struggling with educational deficeits and work struggles is infinitely better than the whirling dervish of a barely visible human boy at 12 and 13. I know you keep hoping that you can go a little longer before the inevitable but you continue to believe that you can handle it a little longer, hoping it will work itself out. The educational system is not set up nor ever will be set up to handle emotionally unstable children. Some of our kids need a therapeutic environment where they can get the chance to grasp on to reality. After they are better then they can get educated. It is a disservice to difficult child, the other students and the teachers to expect an unhealthy, unstable child to attend day after day. I understand your fears. I understand that the school system doesn't want to say that they can't educate you child but they can't. If he isn't being educated then what's the point? Going through the motions doesn't make him fit in. When my difficult child said he isn't like the other students I told him he was not acting like the other students so he can't expect the same treatment. Doesn't mean my difficult child couldn't change his behavior and get rewards. Some self discipline lessons have to be instilled even when they are unstable. You know guilt comes with raising a difficult child but when it holds you back from doing what difficult child needs then it is a liability. I finally threw it out. I do what's best for difficult child and if there is nothing I can do for difficult child then I do what's best for the family. Despite common thinking, not everyone can learn and being in a state of mental instability is one of those times. in my humble opinion of course. I also know that if you don't come to the truths on your own you will not buy into it. The guilt will cause you to cut interventions short so if you get to the point I did you will do what your son needs regardless of personal pain, guilt or public opinion. Hang in there. You aren't on this path by yourself. Several of us recognize the crazy life you are living. [/QUOTE]
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