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difficult child has now sold (ebay) all the gifts he received from us last year...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 487443" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Unfortunately, they do not change until they want to. That's the b**** of it <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> We had to wait many years to see a change and it had to come from Daughter herself. </p><p></p><p>You are assuming that Son would part with his most precious items to do the responsible thing. I'm not sure he's doing that, nor am I sure he isn't. But I do know how far drug users will go to support their habits. I hope he is using the money to meet his obligations and not just on his own "stuff."</p><p></p><p>You seem to feel very guilty about not paying Son's tuition. I wouldn't waste time feeling guilty (of course *I* am not *you*) until I saw if he was seriously going to class, doing his work, etc. You can always start to pay again if he brings home some seriously good grades with proof of good attendance. Although he is not obligated to show you his grades, I am guessing that he would, even if only to say "haha", if he does well. I'd be suspicious if he did not show you. To me, it would make me think he probably was not doing so well (again I am not you). </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, every time I thought I saw a glimmer of hope with Daughter, she flushed it down the toilet. For example, during a time we thought she was clean, we allowed her to stay alone in our house while we went on a small vacation. We told her to watch the dogs. We came home early to a drug party. The dogs were not fed.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Hound Dog that you can not really do anything that you are not ready to do, but you see almost desperate to have your son's approval. That isn't a bad way to feel, you love him, but it also often causes our difficult child's to take advantage of us and lose respect for us. However, one day at a time, one step at a time. I give you advice after all the mistakes *we* made. It was a long time before we would face the truth and it took some Al-Anon and Narc-Anon folks to help us take steps to change how we treated Daughter. So, like almost everyone here, I understand first hand how hard it is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 487443, member: 1550"] Unfortunately, they do not change until they want to. That's the b**** of it :) We had to wait many years to see a change and it had to come from Daughter herself. You are assuming that Son would part with his most precious items to do the responsible thing. I'm not sure he's doing that, nor am I sure he isn't. But I do know how far drug users will go to support their habits. I hope he is using the money to meet his obligations and not just on his own "stuff." You seem to feel very guilty about not paying Son's tuition. I wouldn't waste time feeling guilty (of course *I* am not *you*) until I saw if he was seriously going to class, doing his work, etc. You can always start to pay again if he brings home some seriously good grades with proof of good attendance. Although he is not obligated to show you his grades, I am guessing that he would, even if only to say "haha", if he does well. I'd be suspicious if he did not show you. To me, it would make me think he probably was not doing so well (again I am not you). Unfortunately, every time I thought I saw a glimmer of hope with Daughter, she flushed it down the toilet. For example, during a time we thought she was clean, we allowed her to stay alone in our house while we went on a small vacation. We told her to watch the dogs. We came home early to a drug party. The dogs were not fed. I agree with Hound Dog that you can not really do anything that you are not ready to do, but you see almost desperate to have your son's approval. That isn't a bad way to feel, you love him, but it also often causes our difficult child's to take advantage of us and lose respect for us. However, one day at a time, one step at a time. I give you advice after all the mistakes *we* made. It was a long time before we would face the truth and it took some Al-Anon and Narc-Anon folks to help us take steps to change how we treated Daughter. So, like almost everyone here, I understand first hand how hard it is. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child has now sold (ebay) all the gifts he received from us last year...
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