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difficult child Home from First Semester at College
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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 571669" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>WearyWoman,</p><p></p><p>At one time, all of the issues you mention could have been written about difficult child 1. The main difference is that we had to "kick" difficult child 1 out of our house after he graduated from high school. We didn't "kick" him out without a bit of help. We researched and found him an apartment near the junior college he enrolled in, gave him first and last month's rent, filled his refrigerator, gave him a microwave, a kitchen table and chairs, his bedroom furniture from home. We did not help him with tuition or books. We did not pay for his food, clothing, electricity, etc... We told him he needed to find a job, support himself. </p><p></p><p>Although difficult child 1 didn't study while in college, got A's in computer courses, just passed in mostly everything else, he graduated. Gradually he began repairing, building a new sort of relationship with us. While some things haven't changed, from the time he was a young child he considered himself on equal footing with all adults, he gradually began to respect our feelings, ask for our advice on important matters. He'll always consider himself more intelligent then everyone else but no longer brags about this (at least most of the time.) </p><p></p><p>I think that as a direct result of having to provide for himself financially, he has become much less of a risk taker. For instance, he bought himself a brand new car and is extremely proud of the fact he could afford it. While he drinks way too much, he will not drink and drive. He knows he needs a license to get to and from work, can't afford his insurance premiums to skyrocket, and loves material things, one of them being his car.</p><p></p><p>To make a long story shorter, while there are still some issues and probably always will be, difficult child 1 now has a good job, is totally self-sufficient, and lives about six hours away from us. While he still peppers all of his conversations with the "F" word, he has matured more then we ever thought possible. We are very proud of him, what he has accomplished, how far he has come. One of the best things is that we now have a solid relationship and enjoy spending time together. If you asked me just six short years ago if I thought this would ever be possible, I would have immediately said, "NO.!"</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 had to learn things the hard way. It might not be such a bad thing that your difficult child has to learn things the hard way too. Although it is very difficult to let go, watch kids make mistakes, sometimes, in my humble opinion, it's the only way to go. I think your husband has given you good advice. You have done everything you can for your son. The rest is up to him. You and husband deserve a life of your own.</p><p></p><p>Thinking of you today... Many hugs... SFR</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 571669, member: 3388"] WearyWoman, At one time, all of the issues you mention could have been written about difficult child 1. The main difference is that we had to "kick" difficult child 1 out of our house after he graduated from high school. We didn't "kick" him out without a bit of help. We researched and found him an apartment near the junior college he enrolled in, gave him first and last month's rent, filled his refrigerator, gave him a microwave, a kitchen table and chairs, his bedroom furniture from home. We did not help him with tuition or books. We did not pay for his food, clothing, electricity, etc... We told him he needed to find a job, support himself. Although difficult child 1 didn't study while in college, got A's in computer courses, just passed in mostly everything else, he graduated. Gradually he began repairing, building a new sort of relationship with us. While some things haven't changed, from the time he was a young child he considered himself on equal footing with all adults, he gradually began to respect our feelings, ask for our advice on important matters. He'll always consider himself more intelligent then everyone else but no longer brags about this (at least most of the time.) I think that as a direct result of having to provide for himself financially, he has become much less of a risk taker. For instance, he bought himself a brand new car and is extremely proud of the fact he could afford it. While he drinks way too much, he will not drink and drive. He knows he needs a license to get to and from work, can't afford his insurance premiums to skyrocket, and loves material things, one of them being his car. To make a long story shorter, while there are still some issues and probably always will be, difficult child 1 now has a good job, is totally self-sufficient, and lives about six hours away from us. While he still peppers all of his conversations with the "F" word, he has matured more then we ever thought possible. We are very proud of him, what he has accomplished, how far he has come. One of the best things is that we now have a solid relationship and enjoy spending time together. If you asked me just six short years ago if I thought this would ever be possible, I would have immediately said, "NO.!" difficult child 1 had to learn things the hard way. It might not be such a bad thing that your difficult child has to learn things the hard way too. Although it is very difficult to let go, watch kids make mistakes, sometimes, in my humble opinion, it's the only way to go. I think your husband has given you good advice. You have done everything you can for your son. The rest is up to him. You and husband deserve a life of your own. Thinking of you today... Many hugs... SFR [/QUOTE]
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