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difficult child in psyche hospital...finally?!
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 342485" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Change, and a big old hug for you. You are most certainly not the first person to feel relieved to have a break from difficult child, and definitely won't be the last. You're also not the first person to feel guilty for feeling that relief. Our kids can take us to some emotions that we never dreamed we'd be feeling.</p><p></p><p>You are not a failure as a parent either, not by a long shot. I remember well the mortification I used to feel over some of thank you's stunts. Heck, I *still* get nervous when I have to talk to a teacher or a principal or a police officer... and yet there would be my little cherub, mouthing off the vilest kind of garbage to anyone in authority, trying to run or kick or spit or bite, just... ugh, I wanted to evaporate into the ground. This *isn't* how I was raised and it sure wasn't how I was trying to raise him. </p><p></p><p>After a whole lot of embarrassment and mortification, I finally decided that it just plain old didn't matter what other people thought. We were doing the very best that we could, and heaven knows school staff and the village police were aware of it since they were involved in almost as much difficult child junk as we were. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> Neighbors, strangers, friends? They simply cannot know what you're dealing with, Change. You could try to explain it to them but they still really aren't going to get it. I mean, really... so much of what we deal with is so Twilight Zone. In the long run, if they find out where she is, and what they think of it, just doesn't matter a bit. Your daughter may very well wear this as some kind of a twisted badge of honor and freely broadcast where she's been. Some things you can control, some you can't, but in terms of shame over where she is now and what *she* has done... please don't do that to yourself. </p><p></p><p>It's really really hard to not see our children's choices as a reflection of our parenting, our morals, whether or not we're good and decent people. But some kids just take that really rocky path and it's in spite of our very best efforts to keep them on the straight and narrow. That's not our failing. It's their choice. All we can do is keep trying to get them back on track, try to build up their own resources and coping skills. </p><p></p><p>I hope you're taking this break to do some self-care. Please be kind to yourself and recharge your batteries. Hopefully the hospital staff will be able to come up with some plans and resources for you guys.... but in the meantime, she's safe and supervised.</p><p></p><p>Again, a gentle hug for you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 342485, member: 8"] Hi Change, and a big old hug for you. You are most certainly not the first person to feel relieved to have a break from difficult child, and definitely won't be the last. You're also not the first person to feel guilty for feeling that relief. Our kids can take us to some emotions that we never dreamed we'd be feeling. You are not a failure as a parent either, not by a long shot. I remember well the mortification I used to feel over some of thank you's stunts. Heck, I *still* get nervous when I have to talk to a teacher or a principal or a police officer... and yet there would be my little cherub, mouthing off the vilest kind of garbage to anyone in authority, trying to run or kick or spit or bite, just... ugh, I wanted to evaporate into the ground. This *isn't* how I was raised and it sure wasn't how I was trying to raise him. After a whole lot of embarrassment and mortification, I finally decided that it just plain old didn't matter what other people thought. We were doing the very best that we could, and heaven knows school staff and the village police were aware of it since they were involved in almost as much difficult child junk as we were. ;) Neighbors, strangers, friends? They simply cannot know what you're dealing with, Change. You could try to explain it to them but they still really aren't going to get it. I mean, really... so much of what we deal with is so Twilight Zone. In the long run, if they find out where she is, and what they think of it, just doesn't matter a bit. Your daughter may very well wear this as some kind of a twisted badge of honor and freely broadcast where she's been. Some things you can control, some you can't, but in terms of shame over where she is now and what *she* has done... please don't do that to yourself. It's really really hard to not see our children's choices as a reflection of our parenting, our morals, whether or not we're good and decent people. But some kids just take that really rocky path and it's in spite of our very best efforts to keep them on the straight and narrow. That's not our failing. It's their choice. All we can do is keep trying to get them back on track, try to build up their own resources and coping skills. I hope you're taking this break to do some self-care. Please be kind to yourself and recharge your batteries. Hopefully the hospital staff will be able to come up with some plans and resources for you guys.... but in the meantime, she's safe and supervised. Again, a gentle hug for you! [/QUOTE]
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