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difficult child is back
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 676473" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Ca Mom, hang in there.</p><p></p><p>They are not babies. They are grown men. Don't get confused about that. I know it's hard, because in my deepest grief, I used to walk around the house and look at his baby pictures and just sob and sob. I continued to see him as my "poor little baby" and that was not good for me or for him.</p><p></p><p>We have to get real. People have choices. They have choices and we have choices. We have a right to our choices and so do they, as we are all grown adults with all of the rights and responsibilities thereof.</p><p></p><p>I like how SWOT often says that 18 year olds go to war, for goodness sake! Why would a 23-year-old grown man, unless he is psychotic or disabled, think that mommy is going to take care of him?</p><p></p><p>One reason is we keep on taking care of them. We make progress, but then we stumble and fall. That is normal, and we should feel no guilt about that, but it's important for us to see ourselves clearly and understand that we send mixed signals often. </p><p></p><p>"I know you can do it."</p><p></p><p>"But let me go and get you some food."</p><p></p><p>I know how incredibly hard it is to hear our own children, even grown men who they are, say they are hungry. It goes to the very core of us.</p><p></p><p>But let's again, see it for what it is. They are texting us or calling us to still take care of their own basic needs, like they did and like we did when they were babies and little boys.</p><p></p><p>That time is long gone. The more we can find the strength, courage, patience and new skills to step back, step away, and allow them to deal with their own lives and live with the consequences of their own decisions, the sooner they will gain more skills and have a chance to progress.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We're here for you. If you can, cut back on the communication with them, and allow yourself some space to have breathing room and rest. Focus on your precious baby with chickenpox. He truly needs you right now. Warm hugs today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 676473, member: 17542"] Ca Mom, hang in there. They are not babies. They are grown men. Don't get confused about that. I know it's hard, because in my deepest grief, I used to walk around the house and look at his baby pictures and just sob and sob. I continued to see him as my "poor little baby" and that was not good for me or for him. We have to get real. People have choices. They have choices and we have choices. We have a right to our choices and so do they, as we are all grown adults with all of the rights and responsibilities thereof. I like how SWOT often says that 18 year olds go to war, for goodness sake! Why would a 23-year-old grown man, unless he is psychotic or disabled, think that mommy is going to take care of him? One reason is we keep on taking care of them. We make progress, but then we stumble and fall. That is normal, and we should feel no guilt about that, but it's important for us to see ourselves clearly and understand that we send mixed signals often. "I know you can do it." "But let me go and get you some food." I know how incredibly hard it is to hear our own children, even grown men who they are, say they are hungry. It goes to the very core of us. But let's again, see it for what it is. They are texting us or calling us to still take care of their own basic needs, like they did and like we did when they were babies and little boys. That time is long gone. The more we can find the strength, courage, patience and new skills to step back, step away, and allow them to deal with their own lives and live with the consequences of their own decisions, the sooner they will gain more skills and have a chance to progress. Hang in there. We're here for you. If you can, cut back on the communication with them, and allow yourself some space to have breathing room and rest. Focus on your precious baby with chickenpox. He truly needs you right now. Warm hugs today. [/QUOTE]
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