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difficult child is good in outside world, but horrible at home.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 387393" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>At eleven the violence is even more serious than it was at age 8. If he is anything like many of our difficult children, he is very, very strong, and more so when he is in a rage. That makes the probablility that you will get really hurt by him much greater. </p><p> </p><p>Walking away is a very good thing to do. Does he chase you if you walk away, or try to corner you or not let you leave the area where he is? That alone is another form of abuse. I know exactly how awful that feels because my gfgbro, now over 40yo, still does that to husband, the kids and I. No one else, but it is a terrifying and horrible feeling. </p><p> </p><p>One thing you can do is be sure to keep your cell phone on you at all times. It is a way to call for help even if that has to be 911 for emergency transport to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation.</p><p> </p><p>What is his diet like? While there are studies that say that sugar, preservatives and food colorings/additives. do not create problems, there are many who know that it isn't true. My gfgbro used to be a nasty drunk (thank God he is now a recovering alcoholic!) but he was even nastier and more vicious and violent if he had a candy bar or other big serving of sugar on an empty stomach. Didn't matter if it was from fruit, it made him just awful. At least as a drunk someone will call the cops if he did it in public. </p><p> </p><p>This may sound strange, but check out the Zone Diet. It advocates eating a diet where meals are balanced with 40% carb, 30% fat and 30% protein. The important thing with this is the protein. Esp early in the morning and any time you have gone more than a couple of hours with-o protein. I have fibromyalgia and eating this way really helps with the mental fog and other problems, as well as with the irritable feeling that is part of it for me. I have found that it makes a big difference with all of my kids too. My mother has an autoimmune liver disease that isn't supposed to get better once problems started. They could stop getting worse, but were thought to not be able to get better. She used this Zone diet for a couple of years along with really working to manage her stress. Her docs were AMAZED and are now doing some research because the biopsies showed improvement in the damage. ALL she did other than take the medications was the diet really. The stress she had been doing for several years before that when there was no improvement. </p><p> </p><p>It isn't best when used as a weight loss diet. It is more a way of living. The various Zone books have some good recipes and ideas to hel p you get tasty, realisticly doable recipes. They also have the meal bars that are made with that balance of fat/carb/protein. My kids like certain flavors and would often choose them over a candy bar because they like the way they feel after they eat one more than the way they feel after a candy bar (they still go for candy too, of course!). With all of my kids I have found that we have vastly better evenings if they eat something with protein right after school or in the early/mid afternoon on a weekend. The mornings are better if they get a good serving of protein before school also. While my mother mixes protein powder with a few ounces of grapefruit juice or coffee, my kids prefer eggs or leftovers from dinner. Some of the Zone books have snacks and meal suggestions that are not something you have to cook specially. Things like 2-3 ounces of lean deli meat or cooked chicken breast with half of a Snickers candy bar, or even an egg mcmuffin from mcdonalds. The eggmcmuffin is high on fat, but has a good serving of protein and carbs according to the book.</p><p> </p><p>For ideas the books are handy to refer to - the first one is The Zone Diet by Dr. Sears - you can most likely find them used or in the library easily.</p><p> </p><p>I am not saying that you have to put difficult child on this specific diet, just that the basics of it can make a big difference in irritable aggression for some kids. So using the books for ideas to do this might be helpful. NOT suggesting weight loss or anything for your kids. That is something that their doctors and tdocs need to address if it is needed.</p><p> </p><p>It really is hard and confusing when it feels like you are letting difficult child take over because you are choosing to address just one or two specific top priority things (Basket A things like the violence). The Explosive child can help, and Dr. Doug Riley now has a book called "What Your Explosive Child IsTrying To Tell You" that might help you find the "why" behind his rages and violence. Not too long ago Dr. Riley posted about the book here. The threads might be interesting and/or helpful for you also. </p><p> </p><p>I really Do understand how you feel. You are NOT alone. </p><p> </p><p>PLEASE contact a domestic violence shelter for YOU. NOT to run away to, but to get some counseling and help with this problem. They may say they don't know what to do, but push so that they at least give you individual counselling. It was a great help for me. There are also hotlines you can call when it gets really bad. just to have someone to talk to so that you can hear a live body tell you that you are not crazy and you have a RIGHT to be safe in your home regardless of who is the violent person.</p><p> </p><p>Hotlines are not a solution to the problem, but they DO make you feel less alone and abandoned and hopeless.</p><p> </p><p>{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}</p><p> </p><p>ps. I wonder what your difficult child would say if you wore kneepads around the house so that when he kicked your knees they were protected? Ditto for shinguards or whatever. NOT as a permanent solution, but to let him know that you will do all you can to protect yourself. It miight make him think?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 387393, member: 1233"] At eleven the violence is even more serious than it was at age 8. If he is anything like many of our difficult children, he is very, very strong, and more so when he is in a rage. That makes the probablility that you will get really hurt by him much greater. Walking away is a very good thing to do. Does he chase you if you walk away, or try to corner you or not let you leave the area where he is? That alone is another form of abuse. I know exactly how awful that feels because my gfgbro, now over 40yo, still does that to husband, the kids and I. No one else, but it is a terrifying and horrible feeling. One thing you can do is be sure to keep your cell phone on you at all times. It is a way to call for help even if that has to be 911 for emergency transport to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation. What is his diet like? While there are studies that say that sugar, preservatives and food colorings/additives. do not create problems, there are many who know that it isn't true. My gfgbro used to be a nasty drunk (thank God he is now a recovering alcoholic!) but he was even nastier and more vicious and violent if he had a candy bar or other big serving of sugar on an empty stomach. Didn't matter if it was from fruit, it made him just awful. At least as a drunk someone will call the cops if he did it in public. This may sound strange, but check out the Zone Diet. It advocates eating a diet where meals are balanced with 40% carb, 30% fat and 30% protein. The important thing with this is the protein. Esp early in the morning and any time you have gone more than a couple of hours with-o protein. I have fibromyalgia and eating this way really helps with the mental fog and other problems, as well as with the irritable feeling that is part of it for me. I have found that it makes a big difference with all of my kids too. My mother has an autoimmune liver disease that isn't supposed to get better once problems started. They could stop getting worse, but were thought to not be able to get better. She used this Zone diet for a couple of years along with really working to manage her stress. Her docs were AMAZED and are now doing some research because the biopsies showed improvement in the damage. ALL she did other than take the medications was the diet really. The stress she had been doing for several years before that when there was no improvement. It isn't best when used as a weight loss diet. It is more a way of living. The various Zone books have some good recipes and ideas to hel p you get tasty, realisticly doable recipes. They also have the meal bars that are made with that balance of fat/carb/protein. My kids like certain flavors and would often choose them over a candy bar because they like the way they feel after they eat one more than the way they feel after a candy bar (they still go for candy too, of course!). With all of my kids I have found that we have vastly better evenings if they eat something with protein right after school or in the early/mid afternoon on a weekend. The mornings are better if they get a good serving of protein before school also. While my mother mixes protein powder with a few ounces of grapefruit juice or coffee, my kids prefer eggs or leftovers from dinner. Some of the Zone books have snacks and meal suggestions that are not something you have to cook specially. Things like 2-3 ounces of lean deli meat or cooked chicken breast with half of a Snickers candy bar, or even an egg mcmuffin from mcdonalds. The eggmcmuffin is high on fat, but has a good serving of protein and carbs according to the book. For ideas the books are handy to refer to - the first one is The Zone Diet by Dr. Sears - you can most likely find them used or in the library easily. I am not saying that you have to put difficult child on this specific diet, just that the basics of it can make a big difference in irritable aggression for some kids. So using the books for ideas to do this might be helpful. NOT suggesting weight loss or anything for your kids. That is something that their doctors and tdocs need to address if it is needed. It really is hard and confusing when it feels like you are letting difficult child take over because you are choosing to address just one or two specific top priority things (Basket A things like the violence). The Explosive child can help, and Dr. Doug Riley now has a book called "What Your Explosive Child IsTrying To Tell You" that might help you find the "why" behind his rages and violence. Not too long ago Dr. Riley posted about the book here. The threads might be interesting and/or helpful for you also. I really Do understand how you feel. You are NOT alone. PLEASE contact a domestic violence shelter for YOU. NOT to run away to, but to get some counseling and help with this problem. They may say they don't know what to do, but push so that they at least give you individual counselling. It was a great help for me. There are also hotlines you can call when it gets really bad. just to have someone to talk to so that you can hear a live body tell you that you are not crazy and you have a RIGHT to be safe in your home regardless of who is the violent person. Hotlines are not a solution to the problem, but they DO make you feel less alone and abandoned and hopeless. {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} ps. I wonder what your difficult child would say if you wore kneepads around the house so that when he kicked your knees they were protected? Ditto for shinguards or whatever. NOT as a permanent solution, but to let him know that you will do all you can to protect yourself. It miight make him think? [/QUOTE]
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