I think, too, that you can only do what you can live with. In this case, what the both of you can live with.
Then, once you do it, try to quit looking backward. Look forward.
You might write down your thoughts about right now, and what you hope to do in the future. You can always change your mind at any time.
There are no absolutes on this journey, no black and white, only the grays.
I hope this is her turning point and she goes in a new, good direction.
Hugs and blessings to you and husband tonight.