Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
difficult child - It all started with Lyme disease
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 607546" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome enabler. I am so sorry you are going through this with your daughter. All of you are suffering and because of your daughter's unfortunate bout with Lyme disease your entire family is impacted. </p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. Your daughter is addicted to pills and substance abuser's personality's change significantly. Sleeping pills can cause depression in some people. If your daughter refuses help, there is little you can do to force her to get help. Many of us have been in your shoes, perhaps for different reasons, but the end story is the same. We are prisoners in our homes because our adult children have ceased to thrive for whatever reasons and they hold us hostage with their dramas, selfishness, manipulations, secrets, lies, theft, and many other equally negative behaviors.</p><p></p><p>There is a way out, however, you and your wife must be willing to first of all get on the same page as to setting some strict boundaries. You have all let this go too far because you all feel sorry for what happened to your daughter. Yes, it happened. Now the only person who can do anything about it is her. You are powerless. My daughter's husband committed suicide and after that, she went down a similar path as your daughter without the pills. She is still lost 14 years later. There is nothing I can do. I tried it all, believe me. Enabling hurts all of you. You send the message to her that she is not capable and even if she takes your help, she'll learn to dislike you for it. You keep her a child. She has all of you wrapped up in her melodrama and because of fear and guilt, you are allowing it. I am not being callous, I've been in your shoes. Many of us have. We know the road very well. </p><p></p><p>You and your wife will need support. A private therapist versed in these issues will be ideal. Any 12 step groups which address what your daughter is doing will help. Narc anon. CoDa, (Codependents anonymous) will help. NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness can help, you can access them online, they have excellent groups for parents. Any parent groups will help. You guys will need very serious support to make any significant changes. If you don't get help, you run the risk of staying in this situation and believe me, it will damage all of you irreparably. </p><p></p><p>At this point, your daughter is not going to change. She sounds pretty cemented in her sickness.<u><strong> YOU </strong></u>will have to change and the way to do that is with a massive amount of professional support. It will be the most difficult thing you will likely ever do, it was for me too. But you can do it. You can free yourself from this endless drama and horrid life that someone else created and you are forced to live.</p><p></p><p>No it is not your job until you die, unless that is what you choose. But since you are here asking for our take on it, I don't think that's what you want to do. </p><p></p><p>Get help, immediately. Set boundaries. Give her a date to exit. Research the eviction laws in your state, you may have to formally do it with a court order. There may be a wait, so don't delay. Once a date is set, you MUST keep your word. Here in CA. you can get a Sheriff to escort them out. You can research local shelters where she can get fed, a bed and in some cases, more. That's actually the easy part, the incredibly difficult part is doing it and facing our own guilt, fear, anger, resentment, worry, "the worst case scenarios" that will play in your head in the middle of the night.................all of it. I've been there. I know. So do many others here. </p><p></p><p>Your wife has suffered enough and lost enough. So have you. You did not cause this. You cannot change it. You cannot fix it. You cannot control it. Only your daughter can and she won't get any where near trying unless you all let go of enabling her. YOU have to change. I took an almost 2 year codependency course through a huge HMO which literally changed my life. I learned tools to shift my own thinking and I learned to detach from my daughter's choices and I learned the most important lesson of all, to accept what I cannot change. </p><p></p><p>I wish you peace of mind. I wish all the proper professionals to show up to guide you. I wish your family the return of joy and serenity to your lives. Keep posting, it really helps a lot.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 607546, member: 13542"] Welcome enabler. I am so sorry you are going through this with your daughter. All of you are suffering and because of your daughter's unfortunate bout with Lyme disease your entire family is impacted. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post. Your daughter is addicted to pills and substance abuser's personality's change significantly. Sleeping pills can cause depression in some people. If your daughter refuses help, there is little you can do to force her to get help. Many of us have been in your shoes, perhaps for different reasons, but the end story is the same. We are prisoners in our homes because our adult children have ceased to thrive for whatever reasons and they hold us hostage with their dramas, selfishness, manipulations, secrets, lies, theft, and many other equally negative behaviors. There is a way out, however, you and your wife must be willing to first of all get on the same page as to setting some strict boundaries. You have all let this go too far because you all feel sorry for what happened to your daughter. Yes, it happened. Now the only person who can do anything about it is her. You are powerless. My daughter's husband committed suicide and after that, she went down a similar path as your daughter without the pills. She is still lost 14 years later. There is nothing I can do. I tried it all, believe me. Enabling hurts all of you. You send the message to her that she is not capable and even if she takes your help, she'll learn to dislike you for it. You keep her a child. She has all of you wrapped up in her melodrama and because of fear and guilt, you are allowing it. I am not being callous, I've been in your shoes. Many of us have. We know the road very well. You and your wife will need support. A private therapist versed in these issues will be ideal. Any 12 step groups which address what your daughter is doing will help. Narc anon. CoDa, (Codependents anonymous) will help. NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness can help, you can access them online, they have excellent groups for parents. Any parent groups will help. You guys will need very serious support to make any significant changes. If you don't get help, you run the risk of staying in this situation and believe me, it will damage all of you irreparably. At this point, your daughter is not going to change. She sounds pretty cemented in her sickness.[U][B] YOU [/B][/U]will have to change and the way to do that is with a massive amount of professional support. It will be the most difficult thing you will likely ever do, it was for me too. But you can do it. You can free yourself from this endless drama and horrid life that someone else created and you are forced to live. No it is not your job until you die, unless that is what you choose. But since you are here asking for our take on it, I don't think that's what you want to do. Get help, immediately. Set boundaries. Give her a date to exit. Research the eviction laws in your state, you may have to formally do it with a court order. There may be a wait, so don't delay. Once a date is set, you MUST keep your word. Here in CA. you can get a Sheriff to escort them out. You can research local shelters where she can get fed, a bed and in some cases, more. That's actually the easy part, the incredibly difficult part is doing it and facing our own guilt, fear, anger, resentment, worry, "the worst case scenarios" that will play in your head in the middle of the night.................all of it. I've been there. I know. So do many others here. Your wife has suffered enough and lost enough. So have you. You did not cause this. You cannot change it. You cannot fix it. You cannot control it. Only your daughter can and she won't get any where near trying unless you all let go of enabling her. YOU have to change. I took an almost 2 year codependency course through a huge HMO which literally changed my life. I learned tools to shift my own thinking and I learned to detach from my daughter's choices and I learned the most important lesson of all, to accept what I cannot change. I wish you peace of mind. I wish all the proper professionals to show up to guide you. I wish your family the return of joy and serenity to your lives. Keep posting, it really helps a lot. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
difficult child - It all started with Lyme disease
Top