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difficult child living with Grandparents?
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<blockquote data-quote="aninom" data-source="post: 326821" data-attributes="member: 8513"><p>Our difficult child lived with grandma for a while. For us it didn't cause any friction between grandmother and parents, since the former knew first-hand what difficult child was like and didn't take her "side", but she's an enabler in the sense that she doesn't even try and set limits or say no.</p><p> </p><p>For what our experience is worth, difficult child didn't get neither better nor worse from it - but because the not-worse was still pretty bad it didn't work out. </p><p> </p><p>I think your difficult child might behave a little better at first while she's with them, and will probably never behave just as bad as she can around you, precisely because they are not you: with you, she knows she can do whatever and still count on your taking her back. If she's anything like our difficult child she'll also be a saint at first, so that she may manipulate grandparents with the idea that she is the good guy here.</p><p> </p><p>Her underlying issues are still there, though, and I'm guessing she'll inevitably go back to old habits 'ere long. Expect and prepare for that conversation with your parents - they haven't seen her the way you have and don't understand the full picture yet, but they will, and hopefully when they come to that point they'll be able to truly listen to you and figure out how to help you, rather than work against you.</p><p> </p><p>In the meanwhile, enjoy the break! And like others have said, there's really nothing you can do right now. Stressing about things you can't change will wear you down quickly. Take care of yourself first and foremost now that you have some difficult child-free breathing space. I'm trying to get into a detached headspace myself, and I already feel better, less anxious, like I have a better shot at dealing with things and see them actually work out.</p><p> </p><p>Big hugs your way. Hopefully this frission and limbo will last just long enough to recharge your batteries.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aninom, post: 326821, member: 8513"] Our difficult child lived with grandma for a while. For us it didn't cause any friction between grandmother and parents, since the former knew first-hand what difficult child was like and didn't take her "side", but she's an enabler in the sense that she doesn't even try and set limits or say no. For what our experience is worth, difficult child didn't get neither better nor worse from it - but because the not-worse was still pretty bad it didn't work out. I think your difficult child might behave a little better at first while she's with them, and will probably never behave just as bad as she can around you, precisely because they are not you: with you, she knows she can do whatever and still count on your taking her back. If she's anything like our difficult child she'll also be a saint at first, so that she may manipulate grandparents with the idea that she is the good guy here. Her underlying issues are still there, though, and I'm guessing she'll inevitably go back to old habits 'ere long. Expect and prepare for that conversation with your parents - they haven't seen her the way you have and don't understand the full picture yet, but they will, and hopefully when they come to that point they'll be able to truly listen to you and figure out how to help you, rather than work against you. In the meanwhile, enjoy the break! And like others have said, there's really nothing you can do right now. Stressing about things you can't change will wear you down quickly. Take care of yourself first and foremost now that you have some difficult child-free breathing space. I'm trying to get into a detached headspace myself, and I already feel better, less anxious, like I have a better shot at dealing with things and see them actually work out. Big hugs your way. Hopefully this frission and limbo will last just long enough to recharge your batteries. [/QUOTE]
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