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General Parenting
difficult child refuses to do anything we say, sneaks out, etc
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 106239"><p>I've had several therapist's tell me, both for my son and my daughter, if they don't want to come, don't force them. I may very well get the police to help get my child in the car, but there is no way anyone can make them participate in therapy unless they want to. It's just going to end up making the child even more resentful and even less willing to participate.</p><p></p><p>When easy child was 10, I forced him to go to a therapist appointment (no police involvement). I couldn't get him out of the car at the office. His therapist and I met for 45 minutes before we saw easy child get out of the car and run. He was so beside himself with anger that he almost ran right into oncoming traffic. It took his therapist and I another 45 minutes to get him safely back to the car. He was like a scared deer...we couldn't even get close to him. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child has refused to participate in therapy. She also refused medications. It is my job to help her understand the need for these things; that, yeah, it's not fair and it stinks, but some people need these things just like a diabetic needs insulin. If she were a serious threat to herself I wouldn't hesitate to have her transported to the ER. But, the rest of the time I just keep plugging away at helping her understand - that she has to do this for herself, that I can't do it for her no matter how much I want to. It has to become her decision. I could force these things on her, but doing that is not going to make her actively participate. Her active participation is <em>required</em> in order for her to get better. </p><p></p><p>And even if I succeed in forcing these things on her now, what happens when she turns 18? These problems don't miraculously go away. They are there for a lifetime. She needs to learn now, while she has me as her safety net, that she is the only one who can help herself. I can only provide the resources; she has to do the work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 106239"] I've had several therapist's tell me, both for my son and my daughter, if they don't want to come, don't force them. I may very well get the police to help get my child in the car, but there is no way anyone can make them participate in therapy unless they want to. It's just going to end up making the child even more resentful and even less willing to participate. When easy child was 10, I forced him to go to a therapist appointment (no police involvement). I couldn't get him out of the car at the office. His therapist and I met for 45 minutes before we saw easy child get out of the car and run. He was so beside himself with anger that he almost ran right into oncoming traffic. It took his therapist and I another 45 minutes to get him safely back to the car. He was like a scared deer...we couldn't even get close to him. My difficult child has refused to participate in therapy. She also refused medications. It is my job to help her understand the need for these things; that, yeah, it's not fair and it stinks, but some people need these things just like a diabetic needs insulin. If she were a serious threat to herself I wouldn't hesitate to have her transported to the ER. But, the rest of the time I just keep plugging away at helping her understand - that she has to do this for herself, that I can't do it for her no matter how much I want to. It has to become her decision. I could force these things on her, but doing that is not going to make her actively participate. Her active participation is [i]required[/i] in order for her to get better. And even if I succeed in forcing these things on her now, what happens when she turns 18? These problems don't miraculously go away. They are there for a lifetime. She needs to learn now, while she has me as her safety net, that she is the only one who can help herself. I can only provide the resources; she has to do the work. [/QUOTE]
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