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Difficult Child sleeping until 3pm
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 750450" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Wise.</p><p></p><p>Sleeping a lot and staying up all hours can be a symptom of depression.</p><p></p><p>I will tell you how I think (and I may be very wrong): I think if they have mental illness symptoms or are behaving self-destructively, withdrawing etc., while living in our home, we not only have a right to confront it, we have an obligation to do so.</p><p></p><p>Also, if my son stays up all night in my home or property, and does not keep regular hours, is dirty, destroys property, etc., I have both a right to call this to his attention and insist that he conform and an obligation to do so. I am his mother.</p><p></p><p>I need to tell you however that to draw these lines and boundaries has led to more problems not less. I have had to throw him out. He has lived homeless. He has adopted worse habits. There is conflict. It has led to police, etc. and confrontations.</p><p></p><p>Of course this is very unlikely to happen with your son. But I am making the point that to confront them and to insist on rules and behaviors that YOU are comfortable with in your home and that YOU believe would be healthy and support functioning for you son, is to take the risk that our children resist. And that they dig in with destructive behaviors.</p><p></p><p>But to my way of thinking there is no other way. I have thought and thought and re-thought, my course of action. And I do not believe there was another way for me, than to take a stand that my son function, act normally, accept responsibility, cooperate, and to live according to rules. Even though he would not, and perhaps, could not.</p><p></p><p>My son, your son need to sleep normal hours and get up at a normal time. They need to get psychological or medical help if they need it. Your son needs to seek treatment for his depression and follow through. There are other kinds of intervention, too. Like meditation and prayer and 12 step groups, and exercise and expressive arts like dance, theatre, or art. Or sports and martial arts. But he needs to do something to help himself. That is what I think.</p><p></p><p>If my son wants to do nothing to help himself, he needs to do it away from me. As I said, this has been an ongoing battle. and both he and I have become undone in this struggle. Many here have urged me to back down. To let my son do as he wishes, while I protected him. I have tried and tried. I seem unable to do it.</p><p></p><p>There is a perspective where we only love them, only meet them where they are. Only support them. I am reading a book about this. I support this perspective very wholeheartedly. I just can't seem to do it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 750450, member: 18958"] Dear Wise. Sleeping a lot and staying up all hours can be a symptom of depression. I will tell you how I think (and I may be very wrong): I think if they have mental illness symptoms or are behaving self-destructively, withdrawing etc., while living in our home, we not only have a right to confront it, we have an obligation to do so. Also, if my son stays up all night in my home or property, and does not keep regular hours, is dirty, destroys property, etc., I have both a right to call this to his attention and insist that he conform and an obligation to do so. I am his mother. I need to tell you however that to draw these lines and boundaries has led to more problems not less. I have had to throw him out. He has lived homeless. He has adopted worse habits. There is conflict. It has led to police, etc. and confrontations. Of course this is very unlikely to happen with your son. But I am making the point that to confront them and to insist on rules and behaviors that YOU are comfortable with in your home and that YOU believe would be healthy and support functioning for you son, is to take the risk that our children resist. And that they dig in with destructive behaviors. But to my way of thinking there is no other way. I have thought and thought and re-thought, my course of action. And I do not believe there was another way for me, than to take a stand that my son function, act normally, accept responsibility, cooperate, and to live according to rules. Even though he would not, and perhaps, could not. My son, your son need to sleep normal hours and get up at a normal time. They need to get psychological or medical help if they need it. Your son needs to seek treatment for his depression and follow through. There are other kinds of intervention, too. Like meditation and prayer and 12 step groups, and exercise and expressive arts like dance, theatre, or art. Or sports and martial arts. But he needs to do something to help himself. That is what I think. If my son wants to do nothing to help himself, he needs to do it away from me. As I said, this has been an ongoing battle. and both he and I have become undone in this struggle. Many here have urged me to back down. To let my son do as he wishes, while I protected him. I have tried and tried. I seem unable to do it. There is a perspective where we only love them, only meet them where they are. Only support them. I am reading a book about this. I support this perspective very wholeheartedly. I just can't seem to do it. [/QUOTE]
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