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difficult child (Sociopath?) Leaving - Mixed Emotions
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 606046" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>It's exasperating, frustrating, anger-provoking, exhausting and sad to go through all that you are. I agree with MWM, your son may not be a sociopath, I don't know, whatever it is though, detaching from his choices at his age and focusing on yourself and your younger son, is the appropriate way to go.</p><p></p><p>I think you've already read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. If not please take a moment to do so, it's helpful. I also hope you and your husband are in some kind of counseling, detaching is very difficult and often professional help can be a God-send, giving us not only the tools and understanding, but the comfort of knowing someone understands who offers empathy right there in person. Another option to support you is NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental illness, they have chapters all over and can be accessed on line. They have excellent courses for parents and have social workers well versed in options for housing, education, medical insurance, jobs, etc, for your difficult child. </p><p></p><p>I think the most important thing at this point is for you to take care of yourself. I completely understand your statement, "I can't live like this anymore." That is often the place we parents land after many years of dealing with our difficult child's. Now you must focus on yourself, build back your strength, nurture yourself, have some fun, make sure YOUR needs are met. This takes an enormous toll on us and the rest of the family. Sometimes we aren't even aware of how big a toll it really is until difficult child is no longer living with us. Then we can afford to acknowledge the depth of the depletion and all the feelings we've been holding at bay. It takes time to sort through all of that and rebuild ourselves, find our joy and begin the process of learning to accept what we cannot change. </p><p></p><p>Take the focus now off of him and put it on YOU. Each day do something kind and nurturing for YOU. Once you start healing and feeling better, difficult child will still be there to deal with, but you will have a renewed sense of yourself.............you've made choices that are appropriate given his behavior. He is safe somewhere else, take advantage of this time to get YOUR needs met. I'm glad you're here and hope you continue posting. This is hard. Sending you understanding hugs and good wishes...........and hope for you to find your peace of mind..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 606046, member: 13542"] It's exasperating, frustrating, anger-provoking, exhausting and sad to go through all that you are. I agree with MWM, your son may not be a sociopath, I don't know, whatever it is though, detaching from his choices at his age and focusing on yourself and your younger son, is the appropriate way to go. I think you've already read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. If not please take a moment to do so, it's helpful. I also hope you and your husband are in some kind of counseling, detaching is very difficult and often professional help can be a God-send, giving us not only the tools and understanding, but the comfort of knowing someone understands who offers empathy right there in person. Another option to support you is NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental illness, they have chapters all over and can be accessed on line. They have excellent courses for parents and have social workers well versed in options for housing, education, medical insurance, jobs, etc, for your difficult child. I think the most important thing at this point is for you to take care of yourself. I completely understand your statement, "I can't live like this anymore." That is often the place we parents land after many years of dealing with our difficult child's. Now you must focus on yourself, build back your strength, nurture yourself, have some fun, make sure YOUR needs are met. This takes an enormous toll on us and the rest of the family. Sometimes we aren't even aware of how big a toll it really is until difficult child is no longer living with us. Then we can afford to acknowledge the depth of the depletion and all the feelings we've been holding at bay. It takes time to sort through all of that and rebuild ourselves, find our joy and begin the process of learning to accept what we cannot change. Take the focus now off of him and put it on YOU. Each day do something kind and nurturing for YOU. Once you start healing and feeling better, difficult child will still be there to deal with, but you will have a renewed sense of yourself.............you've made choices that are appropriate given his behavior. He is safe somewhere else, take advantage of this time to get YOUR needs met. I'm glad you're here and hope you continue posting. This is hard. Sending you understanding hugs and good wishes...........and hope for you to find your peace of mind.......... [/QUOTE]
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