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difficult child (Sociopath?) Leaving - Mixed Emotions
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<blockquote data-quote="stressbunny" data-source="post: 606059"><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Didn't mean to imply our latest difficulties are the sociopath symptoms. JT has severe ADHD (not even able to complete the test, due to inattentiveness/hyperactivity, and the psychologist said he was one of the worst cases she's seen). I understand attachment disorder, as an adoptive mom of two who has read a ton and attended many workshops, and also a foster mom to over 20 kids. He likely has that too. Prior to age 2, JT was neglected physically and passed around to a variety of caregivers. His Bmom was not responsive to his needs, did not feed him well, and kept him strapped in a carseat to avoid having to watch him. She also left him home alone with his 4-yr-old half brother and at times with family for extended, open-ended periods of time, while she traveled with the carnival. She lost her parental rights due to neglect, failure to follow through with DHS requirements, such as keeping her home sanitary, and abandonment. We do not have information as to whether JT was exposed to drugs/alcohol in utero, but I am quite sure his Bmom smoked cigarettes. Interestingly, JT's personality is somewhat like his Bmom in that he doesn't seem to care about consequences. He doesn't modify his behavior. His Bmom refused to do the steps required by DHS, despite the ultimate consequences of losing both of her children. She was extremely stubborn, volatile, and had poor executive/cognitive/emotional functioning.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">The symptoms of sociopath I was talking about:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Glibness and Superficial Charm</strong> - Yes, he is charming, but also very shallow, while extremely cruel to his dad and me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Manipulative and Conning </strong>- Yes, he admits to to, and is even proud of the fact that he can get people to do things for him, such as giving him money or in the case of girlfriends, doing his wash and cooking for him. Though, he doesn't seem to really care about these people, and when they no longer serve him, he moves on.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Grandiose Sense of Self </strong>- Yes, he believes he has superior skills and abilities that the rest of us mortals cannot comprehend; thus, the reason he calls me "stupid" and "ignorant" and "uninformed". I simply could not possibly understand or comprehend the complexities of his interests, such as mechanical work or broken washing machines. Though he has not achieved any formal training, he lists on his resume that he is a "mechanic" with 8 years experience (never mind that he would have been 11 yrs old at the time). Or, recently, he big-talked his way into an interview and welding test for a skilled $24/hr job, even though he has never performed that type of welding. He boasted about his "experience" to get the opportunity. He thinks that he is the BEST construction worker in the state (I am not exaggerating.). He leads people to believe that he is a full-time firefighter, but he is a volunteer only. He also led people to believe his most recent injury from running through the glass doors on his way to his truck for a fire call, was a result of being injured on the scene. The reason JT refused to leave his knife locked in his truck is because he "needs" it on his person at all times; that it could be the difference between life and death for a fire victim on one of his calls. He can't spare the extra 30 seconds to get it out of the glove compartment in his truck, because he doesn't have the time in an emergency. He is the all-knowing hero in all situations. When he was a child, he told kids at school he had his own airplane. He told a farmer he already knew everything there was to know about tractors. Before he got his driver's license, he refused to allow me to help him learn the rules of the road, because he already knew them all. He claimed to know more than me. He failed his driving test. I was taking a master's level statistics class, and at the time, JT was in middle school, and he told me he knew all about statistics; that he could teach me. It wasn't true. A lot of what he believes about himself is not true, but he seems to believe it 100%.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Pathological Lying </strong>- JT lies more than he tells the truth. When confronted about his lies, he lies even more, even in the face of complete evidence. Also, see above about his grandiose carrying on about his superior abilities. He believes he is smarter and better than everyone else.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt </strong>- JT never really shows emotions of shame or guilt or remorse. He doesn't have to apologize, because he really isn't wrong. Other people are wrong. If he makes a mistake or deceives someone, it is somehow their fault that he did so. When he does apologize, it is only because he has learned the right words to say in order to get something he wants. I know this because his apologies are always followed with a request for something he wants. He does not react to the pain he causes others.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Shallow Emotions </strong>- JT has a low range of emotions. He NEVER does anything to please anyone. For example, he never made me a card or picked up something around the house to help out without being told. Birthdays, mothers day, forget it. He doesn't care. He is nice when he wants something, and that is so obvious to me. JT makes a lot of promises and rarely keeps them. He will be outraged if someone violates his rights or some rule in his mind, yet he callously does much worse, with seemingly no conscience about it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Incapacity for Love </strong>- JT has not been able to maintain long-term relationships with friends. People seem to find him charming initially, but they don't last long. I don't feel that JT loves me, really. If I died today, he would be more concerned with his phone and money problems than the loss of me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Need for Stimulation </strong>- JT is a risk taker. He is accident-prone and loves drama. If there isn't enough drama, he'll create some. He is provocative. He is smart and knows people's buttons. He will push them just to watch the drama and pain that follows. A therapist told me that she believed he was doing this when he was in early elementary school, at the time. She said he enjoyed the power he felt in creating turmoil in our home. JT love fast cars that he wants to make go faster. He is on the volunteer fire department for the thrill of it, not to save people's lives. He wants to drink, smoke, carry knives and guns, watch porn, and make sure people respect him.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Callousness/Lack of Empathy </strong>- JT is unphased by the pain or distress of others. He doesn't show emotion. He views the pain/emotion of others as weakness, and he hates perceived weakness. While he has never hurt a pet of ours, he has never liked them. He won't touch our cat, and didn't care for our dog. Our cat is afraid of him.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature </strong>- JT has been in trouble for stealing repeatedly over the years, bullying others, getting into fights, charging up his lunch account, without the funds at school, throwing things, tipping over a desk and yelling at a teacher at school, leaving the school grounds in elementary school, etc. Every year in school, he has pretty much had at least one major problem. Even when caught, he has often repeated the behavior until the consequences became very severe. He continued stealing money and i-Pods from his teammates until the police finally became involved and he had to go through the juvenile court system. Incidentally, this is one of the few times he has cried. He cried because he was caught and in trouble, not because he was sorry. He also made up a huge lie about where the money came from, and he never did really live this down in school. The kids called him names and reminded him of it for the rest of his high school life. He had money of his own, and he could have bought an i-Pod. He said he stole for the thrill. He never even spent any of the money.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency</strong> - See above. JT does not respect authority. He has always viewed himself on the same level as adults. And, if he has "reasons", he doesn't need to follow rules and expectations. He justifies and rationalizes his bad behavior all the time. In short, he has his own set of rules, and that is all that matters. He will not do what he is told or what is expected of him.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Irresponsibility/Unreliability </strong>- JT has flunked three semesters in a row at college, despite his intellectual ability to pass classes. He hasn't been able to keep a job for any length of time. He makes promises he doesn't keep. He wants to be a teacher, but doesn't follow through; a fire medic, but doesn't follow through; a military person, but wants to lie to get in. I don't trust him.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity </strong>- JT is into porn, and he is proud of having multiple girlfriends at the same time. A number of nice girls have become involved with him and been hurt. They never last long. JT loves to look at himself in the mirror and admire his body. I have found him many times and for extended times doing this.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle </strong>- See current situation. He is leaving to live with a friend, and he has no job and no savings, and no real plans for what is next. He has bragged about his ability to get others to pay for things for him. He feels so powerful when he can manipulate others. When he's done, he just moves on to the next person.</span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"><strong>Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility </strong>- <strong>Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.</strong> JT puts on the charming grandson (substitute nephew, cousin, friend, etc.) face in order to lead people to believe he is someone he is not. His morals shift easily, and again, this is about using others and getting what he wants without working for it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'verdana'"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="stressbunny, post: 606059"] [FONT=verdana]Didn't mean to imply our latest difficulties are the sociopath symptoms. JT has severe ADHD (not even able to complete the test, due to inattentiveness/hyperactivity, and the psychologist said he was one of the worst cases she's seen). I understand attachment disorder, as an adoptive mom of two who has read a ton and attended many workshops, and also a foster mom to over 20 kids. He likely has that too. Prior to age 2, JT was neglected physically and passed around to a variety of caregivers. His Bmom was not responsive to his needs, did not feed him well, and kept him strapped in a carseat to avoid having to watch him. She also left him home alone with his 4-yr-old half brother and at times with family for extended, open-ended periods of time, while she traveled with the carnival. She lost her parental rights due to neglect, failure to follow through with DHS requirements, such as keeping her home sanitary, and abandonment. We do not have information as to whether JT was exposed to drugs/alcohol in utero, but I am quite sure his Bmom smoked cigarettes. Interestingly, JT's personality is somewhat like his Bmom in that he doesn't seem to care about consequences. He doesn't modify his behavior. His Bmom refused to do the steps required by DHS, despite the ultimate consequences of losing both of her children. She was extremely stubborn, volatile, and had poor executive/cognitive/emotional functioning. The symptoms of sociopath I was talking about: [B]Glibness and Superficial Charm[/B] - Yes, he is charming, but also very shallow, while extremely cruel to his dad and me. [B]Manipulative and Conning [/B]- Yes, he admits to to, and is even proud of the fact that he can get people to do things for him, such as giving him money or in the case of girlfriends, doing his wash and cooking for him. Though, he doesn't seem to really care about these people, and when they no longer serve him, he moves on. [B]Grandiose Sense of Self [/B]- Yes, he believes he has superior skills and abilities that the rest of us mortals cannot comprehend; thus, the reason he calls me "stupid" and "ignorant" and "uninformed". I simply could not possibly understand or comprehend the complexities of his interests, such as mechanical work or broken washing machines. Though he has not achieved any formal training, he lists on his resume that he is a "mechanic" with 8 years experience (never mind that he would have been 11 yrs old at the time). Or, recently, he big-talked his way into an interview and welding test for a skilled $24/hr job, even though he has never performed that type of welding. He boasted about his "experience" to get the opportunity. He thinks that he is the BEST construction worker in the state (I am not exaggerating.). He leads people to believe that he is a full-time firefighter, but he is a volunteer only. He also led people to believe his most recent injury from running through the glass doors on his way to his truck for a fire call, was a result of being injured on the scene. The reason JT refused to leave his knife locked in his truck is because he "needs" it on his person at all times; that it could be the difference between life and death for a fire victim on one of his calls. He can't spare the extra 30 seconds to get it out of the glove compartment in his truck, because he doesn't have the time in an emergency. He is the all-knowing hero in all situations. When he was a child, he told kids at school he had his own airplane. He told a farmer he already knew everything there was to know about tractors. Before he got his driver's license, he refused to allow me to help him learn the rules of the road, because he already knew them all. He claimed to know more than me. He failed his driving test. I was taking a master's level statistics class, and at the time, JT was in middle school, and he told me he knew all about statistics; that he could teach me. It wasn't true. A lot of what he believes about himself is not true, but he seems to believe it 100%. [B]Pathological Lying [/B]- JT lies more than he tells the truth. When confronted about his lies, he lies even more, even in the face of complete evidence. Also, see above about his grandiose carrying on about his superior abilities. He believes he is smarter and better than everyone else. [B]Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt [/B]- JT never really shows emotions of shame or guilt or remorse. He doesn't have to apologize, because he really isn't wrong. Other people are wrong. If he makes a mistake or deceives someone, it is somehow their fault that he did so. When he does apologize, it is only because he has learned the right words to say in order to get something he wants. I know this because his apologies are always followed with a request for something he wants. He does not react to the pain he causes others. [B]Shallow Emotions [/B]- JT has a low range of emotions. He NEVER does anything to please anyone. For example, he never made me a card or picked up something around the house to help out without being told. Birthdays, mothers day, forget it. He doesn't care. He is nice when he wants something, and that is so obvious to me. JT makes a lot of promises and rarely keeps them. He will be outraged if someone violates his rights or some rule in his mind, yet he callously does much worse, with seemingly no conscience about it. [B]Incapacity for Love [/B]- JT has not been able to maintain long-term relationships with friends. People seem to find him charming initially, but they don't last long. I don't feel that JT loves me, really. If I died today, he would be more concerned with his phone and money problems than the loss of me. [B]Need for Stimulation [/B]- JT is a risk taker. He is accident-prone and loves drama. If there isn't enough drama, he'll create some. He is provocative. He is smart and knows people's buttons. He will push them just to watch the drama and pain that follows. A therapist told me that she believed he was doing this when he was in early elementary school, at the time. She said he enjoyed the power he felt in creating turmoil in our home. JT love fast cars that he wants to make go faster. He is on the volunteer fire department for the thrill of it, not to save people's lives. He wants to drink, smoke, carry knives and guns, watch porn, and make sure people respect him. [B]Callousness/Lack of Empathy [/B]- JT is unphased by the pain or distress of others. He doesn't show emotion. He views the pain/emotion of others as weakness, and he hates perceived weakness. While he has never hurt a pet of ours, he has never liked them. He won't touch our cat, and didn't care for our dog. Our cat is afraid of him. [B]Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature [/B]- JT has been in trouble for stealing repeatedly over the years, bullying others, getting into fights, charging up his lunch account, without the funds at school, throwing things, tipping over a desk and yelling at a teacher at school, leaving the school grounds in elementary school, etc. Every year in school, he has pretty much had at least one major problem. Even when caught, he has often repeated the behavior until the consequences became very severe. He continued stealing money and i-Pods from his teammates until the police finally became involved and he had to go through the juvenile court system. Incidentally, this is one of the few times he has cried. He cried because he was caught and in trouble, not because he was sorry. He also made up a huge lie about where the money came from, and he never did really live this down in school. The kids called him names and reminded him of it for the rest of his high school life. He had money of his own, and he could have bought an i-Pod. He said he stole for the thrill. He never even spent any of the money. [B]Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency[/B] - See above. JT does not respect authority. He has always viewed himself on the same level as adults. And, if he has "reasons", he doesn't need to follow rules and expectations. He justifies and rationalizes his bad behavior all the time. In short, he has his own set of rules, and that is all that matters. He will not do what he is told or what is expected of him. [B]Irresponsibility/Unreliability [/B]- JT has flunked three semesters in a row at college, despite his intellectual ability to pass classes. He hasn't been able to keep a job for any length of time. He makes promises he doesn't keep. He wants to be a teacher, but doesn't follow through; a fire medic, but doesn't follow through; a military person, but wants to lie to get in. I don't trust him. [B]Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity [/B]- JT is into porn, and he is proud of having multiple girlfriends at the same time. A number of nice girls have become involved with him and been hurt. They never last long. JT loves to look at himself in the mirror and admire his body. I have found him many times and for extended times doing this. [B]Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle [/B]- See current situation. He is leaving to live with a friend, and he has no job and no savings, and no real plans for what is next. He has bragged about his ability to get others to pay for things for him. He feels so powerful when he can manipulate others. When he's done, he just moves on to the next person. [B]Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility [/B]- [B]Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.[/B] JT puts on the charming grandson (substitute nephew, cousin, friend, etc.) face in order to lead people to believe he is someone he is not. His morals shift easily, and again, this is about using others and getting what he wants without working for it. [/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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